Letting Go of Mr. Nice Guy

Recently my friends and I have found ourselves debating the best way to let a guy go, or moreover how do you not hurt the person you don’t want to date anymore.  Typically, we aren’t “serial daters”, but due to our recent adventures into online dating a few of us have a few too many guys in our inbox and we needed to delete a few.  (I know this sounds HORRBIBLY rude, but I assure it is not) I am just stating the facts -that once you begin online dating and go out on a few dates you inevitably end up with a group of “nice guys” in your contact list.

The “Nice Guy” group mainly consists of guys who you don’t want to make out with.  (At least that is my standard)  If I am on a date and I don’t want to kiss you, then we might progress to date #2 just to make sure. Once date #2 is over and I still don’t want to make out with you, then you get stuck in the “nice guy” zone.  The “nice guy” zone isn’t a bad place per say - it is just the dating version of no man’s land. The guy is really nice and you would love to set him up with the perfect girl, just not you. 

Because my friends and I are genuinely nice girls (really, we are a few of the last, un-jaded, nice, kind and caring girls left in South Florida) we tend to keep our “Nice Guy” Inbox full.  We just can’t cut and run.  Nope, we don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings (see previous blog posts) we don’t want to seem rude, we don’t want to seem shallow.  So what do we do?  We respond to every text Mr. Nice Guy sends, we begrudgingly go out for just one more coffee, we chat on the phone when we just don’t want to make any more small talk and we hem and haw over how to cut it off.

There is no easy way for a nice girl to get rid of a nice guy.  The “it’s not you, it’s me thing” doesn’t really work.  The “I’m just not into you” was used and abused by now.  The “I’m focusing on myself and have no time for dating” doesn’t make sense when you are on an online dating site.

It is very unfortunate, but I am afraid that Mr. Nice Guy forces the nice girls to get a little bit harsh when breaking it off.  Just this week I used “I have no time right now, I’m focusing on my career” That seemed like such a good one! Perfect I thought…. NOPE – his response?  “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere…Take what time you need”   UGH!  Mr. Nice Guy – Stop being so nice!

So, alas I sit here with my inbox still relatively full of Mr. Nice Guys just waiting for a response... while I on the other hand am in search of the perfect way to quickly pull off the dating Band aide and let these nice guys go!

How Mr. Shape Ups got some action...

“I’m not dating guys I’m attracted to anymore” my friend Lynn told me.  What?! I asked.  “Yes” she said.  She proceeded to tell me her new theory on dating.  She is a beautiful, talented young woman – a bit of spunk with some tattoos and a creative side.  She had been attracted to the young, mysteriously handsome guy with a dark edge.  She figured out the problem with her type of guy was two-fold – they tended to be broke and they tended to by shady.   Her new theory was:  date guys she didn’t want to sleep with.

At first I thought she was completely nuts!  Why would anyone want to go out with someone they weren’t attracted to?  She told me that in truth she was attracted to the guys –eventually.  She bypassed the muscular guy with the tattoos and dated the guy in ShapeUps and a good job.  (Yes, her date showed up wearing Shape Ups!)  But she looked past is quirky dorkiness and found out that he was really funny and smart and they clicked on a different level.  She decided to open up her options and date older guys (like 15 years older), short guys, smart guys and so on.

Unbeknownst to Lynn,  I also had recently been opening up my ideas of dating.  I  looked back at my dating life and realized I was kind of in a rut.  I tended to the tall, somewhat dangerous looking young guy.  Have goatee and a tattoo? Wear a baseball cap and flip flops? No job?  I’m yours!  Realizing that my “type” wasn’t getting my anywhere I opened up my options to the universe.  (Ok, I sucked it up and went back to online dating – sorry people, but WHERE am I going to meet a guy in South Florida!?!)

My search requirements used to be: 6 foot 3 inches (A psychic told my mom once my true love is 6 foot 3), Tattoos, no kids and between the ages of 30 and 35.  In South Florida you will get 1,092 results all with pictures of tan Ken dolls at the beach - easy on the eyes, bad for commitment.

My new search requirements were broader. I began looking for sincerity, stable job, family, etc.  I looked at age now as just a number.  I started seeing pictures of guys in suits and ties and fewer and fewer self- photos of guys in the gym.  I opened my mind up more and started seeing different colors, races,religions, professions and so on. 

There is something to be said to opening up your mind in the dating universe and going beyond what you are initially visually physically attracted to.  I am not saying that I have found my Mr. Ever After.  However, I have experienced new things, been treated like a lady, been wined and dined, and have made some great friends and memories.  I figure I have the rest of my life to meet Mr. Right.  For now I am enjoying the search….

 … Oh and my friend Lynn?  Turns out Mr. Shape Ups can really turn her on in the bedroom too J

I'm BAACCKKK.....

I’m not sure if you missed me…OK I know 1 person missed my blog (thanks Jenny!) so at least I have one fan in my fan club.  I do realize that I have taken way too long to hop back into the saddle of blogging.  Let’s just say I took a break for a little R&D (for my non-technical friends that is Research and Development).  In the case of my bloggity blog you could call it: Drinking and Dating.  While I was fully immersed in my D&D research, working full time and trying to be a mom, I just haven’t had time to write.  Ok, let’s face it – that is just an excuse.  These blogs only take me about 5 minutes, but alas that is my story and I’m sticking to it.

In the past three months (yes, I am so sorry dear bloggity blog I had abandon you for 3 long months) I have:  accomplished a lot at work, gained a lot of weight, lost a lot of muscles, made new friends, cut out some old friends, welcomed my son to his 7th year of life, paid a small fortune to the vet for dear Cliffy, bought a new car, visited with family, been elected to some new board positions, raised a lot of money, spent a lot of money, tried a sugar busting cleanse, ate an entire pound of Easter chocolate, traveled a bit, conquered strep throat, ran a few miles, completed a race, seen some old friends, dated a few good guys, met a ton of not-good-enough guys, and got a brand new job.  So, yes I have been busy dear Bloggity Blog readers.  I promise to keep the ball rolling and keep my posts coming.   There have been many adventures these past few months and I can’t wait to share them with you…  

A little communication can go a long way....

This blog is no stranger to my rants about online dating, I’ve been there done that and don’t need to buy the t-shirt.  I have officially given up the online world of looking for a date.  I am not knocking the experience as I know far too many people who have found their happily ever after online.  However, I have realized a few things during this process (Ok I have learned A LOT but it can’t all fit into one bloggity blog). 

One thing I learned is about myself.  I realized that I am a communicator.  Yep – it took me three years and a lot of weirdo relationships to figure that out.  I could have glanced down at the business card holder on my desk – it says “Director of Communication” underneath my name, or I could have glanced at my diploma “BS College of Communication” or looked at my PTA Volunteer role “Public Relations”. But oh well! It took me a lot of late night text messages, weirdo emails and a few left voicemails to figure out that I am a communicator.

What does communication have to do with online dating you ask?  Well in my humble scientific method skills I have hypothesized that those who post online do so because they lack the ability to communicate in person.  (Pretty good theory right?!?)  I am not saying that everyone who online dates can’t speak, more like they tend to be the type of person who is happy to check in and out of a relationship with a quick email.  As if a quick “Hey” via a text or email qualifies as a solid communication and shall progress your relationship status quite nicely.

I am here to declare that a ‘How r u?’ text message does not count as communicating while trying to get to know someone. Yes, it is a good start, but if you send that message you better be prepared for my answer, then you should wittily respond something back that shows you actually READ the text and that you have something to offer in return.

Over and over again I get the “Hey, watz up” text… Really?  Then maybe a day or two later a “how u been?”  Or, my favorite… “I’m bzy, call u ltr”  Guys – here is a clue.  IF you actually want to see a girl, pick up the phone and call her.  Say hello, ask a question, listen for a response, pretend you heard her and say something nice back.  It is very easy to start communicating and it may lead to something more, like a date!

I am not man bashing here, I am sure there are plenty of girls out there who are just as comfortable with the random text messages and one line emails that progress a relationship along.  I am simply not one of them.

So, from now on, no more online dating sites for me.  No more replies to 3 word text messages.  No more sending emails listing in paragraph form my thoughts on life only to get a response like “sounds good”.  I am declaring loud and clear that I am a communicator and that I need communication in return.

As far as finding a date? I’m not really sure how that will happen, but I’m thinking I should start looking into people who have “Communication” in their job title…..

Ways to get (and keep) a Girl's Heart

I love this photo!  It is a LIST and it has some good advice.  I have a few more of my own  to add:
13. Kiss her forehead
14. Tell your friends about her and how much you like her (in her presence gets bonus points!)
15  Smile when she walks in the room
16.  Encourage her, become her biggest fan
17.  Cook for her
18.  Eat whatever she cooks and pretend you like it
19.  Tell her she is beautiful, especially on days when she's worked really hard and is really tired
20.  Tell her she is smart
21  Surprise her with little gifts and things she likes
22  Don't send flowers - get more creative and show her you went the extra step
23   Like her family and enjoy spending time with them
24.  Be yourself

Thank the Lord I'm Single...

There is no denying it, being divorced or single sometimes really sucks.  It just does.  There are certain days of the year that are harder than others.  There are the obvious days likes Valentine’s, Christmas and the worry about the New Year’s Eve kiss.  Days that include reunions, couples’ nights out and weddings tend to be rather hard.  There are also less known days that tug at your heart strings like your child’s first day of school, first home run, first date, etc. that can really bug the single mom.  But with all of the “wish you were here” moments there are plenty more of “thank the LORD I’m single moments.”

A few of my favorite moments are below.  Please feel free to share and add your thoughts. I am sure this list can grow and grow.

1.        Being able find your stuff because you put it somewhere and no one else is there to move it.  You can always find your keys, favorite sweatshirt and the paperwork you need.

2.       Being able to eat your favorite Halloween candy from the kid’s bags and not having to share with anyone else.

3.       Being able to use ALL of the closets in your house for your stuff.  You don’t need to share the space and your clothing doesn’t need to get wrinkled because it is cramped in between suits and baseball equipment.

4.       Finding the toilet seat down.

5.       Knowing when it is the last of the toilet paper, toothpaste, bath soap and so one because you were the only one to use it.

6.       Putting leftovers in the refrigerator and knowing they will be there in the a.m.

7.       Being able to dedicate the extra closet in the guest room to your shoe collection (or whatever collection you may have)

8.       Any day you don’t have to deal with In Laws, and if they call, you DON’T have to answer the phone, cause hey! their child isn’t there anymore

9.       Seeing your ex dressed in any kind of strange, mismatched outfit and knowing you don’t have to sit next to him, or even pretend that you know him.

10.   When your child does something bad at school, having the ability to say he learned it at “The Other House”

11.   When your child wakes up in the morning and you are the first person they run to with a big hug and kiss.

12.   Being able to make a decision because it is was YOU want and not what someone else wants.

13.   Buying whatever you want when you want and knowing you don’t need to tell anyone about the cost of it.

14.   Being able to stock your house with your food and drink of choice, no compromising necessary.

15.   Knowing you only have to go to one family’s festivities for any given holiday.

16.   Being the one your child turns to when they fall down, feel sad or just need a hug.

17.   Being able to do whatever you want when you want with whomever you want.

Single and Proud!

You had me at Khaki….

Let’s be honest – a good man is hard to find.  Or maybe it’s more like “a good man who has a job, has a house, owns a car, likes kids, has goals, like his parents and isn’t a convict is hard to find?”

There is no way around it, dating is a pain in the butt.  However, what might be worse than dating is finding the right guy to go on a date with?  My girlfriends and I consistently debate this issue, and recently this article http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704409004576146321725889448.html“Where Have The Good Men Gone?”  in the Wall Street Journal hit upon some of our points.  In the article Kay S. Hymowitz argues that too many men in their 20s are living in a new kind of extended adolescence.  I recommend you check it out.  May I also suggest that the author should have extended the age to men living in their 30’s?

Living in South Florida creates a challenge that we don’t seem to have in other parts of the Country.  Let me explain, when I lived and worked in Washington D.C. all of the single men were driven and goal oriented.  Sure, they may have had menial jobs in their 20’s but they had goals, most were attending law or graduate school or working their way up the ladder of success.  A lot were eager to change the world and had jobs that affected public policy and social change.  Everywhere you turned you could find a date that had a job and a goal.  I know friends who have experienced the same thing in Philly, New York, Boston and so on.

For some reason in South Florida men with goals are a bit harder to find.  For the past five years I’ve run into all sorts of men, professionals, unemployed, lawyers, computer nerds and so on.  I have to tell you that goal oriented, driven men are few and far between. Maybe it is the sunshine, or the thrill of the beach and the water so nearby that causes men here to relax and just be happy with the status quo?  The other problem I’ve found in South Florida is that many people are transplants or just biding their time at the beach until it is time for them to grow up and move back home, up north, out west and so on.  While these guys are fun to date the knowledge that they are not staying tends to dampen the relationship and leads it to fizzle out. 

Not to put all of the blame on the guys in South Florida, I will admit that I may be a bit unusual J  I have a sort of strange job - I raise money for Political Candidates and Non profits including Professional Athletes.  I have to attend a lot of events and often converse with millionaires, social activists and famous people.  I am smart and like to talk about subjects that make a difference in the world.  Sure, I’ll talk about Football and drink a beer with you but I also need a bit more mental stimulation. 

A while back I was out with some girls and was introduced to a guy.  We had similar backgrounds, a few work friends in common and hit it off.  We decided to go on a date.  Turns out I had a work event to go to.  The last few guys I’d dated would have said no way to attending, or put up a giant fight if they had to mix and mingle.  When I approached the subject with this guy his response? “Do I wear a suit or khakis?”  I think my heart skipped a beat!  We were on to something.   He had me at Khaki…

Author’s note: Let me be clear, I have a TON of friends who are the perfect guy and they live in South Florida, they just aren’t the perfect guy for me.  I am not man bashing just telling it like it is for me.

The one way text message.

I’m all for modern technology, I try to embrace it.  I may not be as geeked out as some of my friends with their 5 home computers, I Pads, Apple TV and so on.  But, I do use my I phone and know how to text and take pictures with it.  Baby steps people, baby steps.

Lately I have realized that people have different standards for their manners with their use of text messages.  Let me explain.  I view text messaging sort of as a walkie-talkie like system.  You can send short bits of information, confirm that your intended recipient received it and move on.  It is kind of a genius way to avoid a long email or god-forbid a phone call!  It is quick, it is easy, it is efficient.   Where I get frustrated in the walkie- talkie system is the reply.

First of all, it has taken my parents a lot longer to embrace their technology.  Dad was an early convert to the smart phone and uses his I Pad, email and apps.   Mom has a blackberry that she doesn’t do anything with but talk on the phone.  One of my ever so patient friends spent some time with my mom and got her up and running with her camera and texting.  Only problem – she didn’t teach her how to reply.  So whenever you want to get a message to my parents, go ahead and text them.  Just don’t expect a reply back – they are One Way Texters.

With the exception of my parents, the one way text really bothers me.  (My parents get a pass because, hey, they are my parents and let’s face it you can’t expect a lot of changes at once.)

I understand that not everyone prefers the text message as their main means of communication, and I am completely happy to adjust to others’ needs.  But here is where I don’t get it - If someone sends you a text message stating a fact or asking a question, why not respond?  Yes, most of us are busy and don’t have access to our phones every moment of the day. But, eventually the little light flashes or the text box pops up on your screen.  How can you hit “hide” instead of “view”?    The text message is the quickest and easiest way to get in touch or avoid a serious conversation.  You can type “K” and that covers a lot of ground, or “thx”, “LOL”, “Cute”, “whtvr” and so on…  The unanswered text message just hanging out there all alone is like an SOS signal that receives no response, waiting for someone to hit reply and “LOL” right back at it.

The other one way texts I don’t quite get are the kind that is unanswerable.  My girlfriend got one at 5:00 a.m. the other day “Hey, can’t sleep and was thinking about you.”  Really dude?  5:00 a.m. is NOT an appropriate time to text.  For one, if my friend was sleeping you just woke her up.   If it is 5 a.m. and she is not sleeping, then she is too busy to reply anyway.  Please stay away from the early morning texting.

Dating in an age of text messaging leaves a lot of openings for a One Way Text.   (True Confession:  I really miss the days of no cell phones and no text messages!)   Those days were a lot easier, you didn’t have to worry about misinterpreting a text, autocorrect and all the other crud that goes along with conversing via text messaging.  If a guy was going to pick you up, he’d park the car and ring your doorbell.  These days you get a text that your date is in the drive way.    Instead of a call the day after a date, you may get a text message ‘thinking of you’ or ‘I had fun’.   For all of the good technology has done it has also limited the amount of quality communication between two people. 

I’m not going to lie – it’s my blog and I try to be as honest as possible.  I’ve had my share of bad dates that didn’t get the hint and sent texts after.  I didn’t reply.  I know I’m a chicken and avoided being honest with the person sending the text, but really, I’m embracing modern technology here and joining the bandwagon of One Way Texters.

As I said in the beginning, I am all for new technology.  However, I would like to instill some manners on my fellow texters.  Please hit reply, you can simply say 10/4 Over and Out.

Referral Rewards?

If you read my previous post “You are freezing my what?!” you will notice that I said I would talk about my conversation with my OBGYN about dating.  So, here it goes.

As he was doing the exam we start talking about dating.  “Yes” I say, “I’m single”.   “No” I say, “I’m not dating anyone”.  This is a typical conversation for me and I honestly don’t get upset about it.  The Doctor and I discuss how it is hard to meet someone since I work from home, have a son, the typical small talk about being single in south Florida. When all of a sudden he pokes his head up and says “I should introduce you to my brother!”   “Sure!” I agree and immediately think to myself – what is his referral of me going to be?  “Her hoo haw is in good shape?”  “Nice birthing thighs?”   No pressure there Doc….

I then think about some other times people have set me up on dates and what their referrals must have been. One that comes to mind is when my personal trainer called to tell me he has the perfect guy for me.  I suddenly become aware that our trainer/client relationship is built on me basically complaining during our 60 minutes together. I complain about being tired, the weights being too heavy, and the reps too much for me.  I also complain to him about past dates, past relationships, work and so on.  My trainer basically turned into my shrink – I figure I have his undivided attention for 60 minutes, might as well make the most of our time together!  So, as I gladly agree to meet this new catch out for drinks I’m really left wondering what his referral of me was.  “I have grandmas who can lift more than her, but she is kind of cute when she is doing sit ups?”  or “She doesn’t smell too bad after a mile or two of running?”

The one referral that tops all other referrals is when my ex husband called to tell me he found me a man.  Yes, he like my mom is hoping I find a wealthy man to take me away.  (His reasons are pretty selfish - I think he wants me off of his payroll).  Anyway, he called one day to tell me he found me the perfect guy.  I ask a few questions and find out this man is older and wealthy; a perfect match for me thinks the ex husband. I hesitated to agree to a date. I can’t help wondering what the referral is in this case.  “She’s good in bed, but can’t cook for anything” or maybe it was “I couldn’t stand her but you’ll love her?!”

And thus I continue to be very hesitant about my referral sources.



You are freezing my what?!?!

Ok, so this post is something that may cause my male followers to blush. (But let’s be honest, I don’t have THAT many male followers, so y’all can just deal with it and read on).

Not to get too personal, but my last Pap test came back a little weird, so after one really uncomfortable follow up visit to get my cervix scraped (Ouch! Yes, it hurts, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise) my Doctor tells me that he is going to freeze my cervix.    

Never one to freak out at a medical procedure, I decided that the first appointment of the day should be a good time to get frozen. I figure I’ll be defrosted in time for my car pick up line duties. 

Never being frozen before I was a bit curious.  A few days before the procedure I call the office and ask if there is anything I needed to do to be prepared?   The nurse bluntly said “they are freezing you – it’s going to be cold.”  Thanks for the words of wisdom lady.  I promptly dug out my snow boots, hats and mittens, popped a few Extra Strength Motrin and headed off for my trip to the tundra.

Entering the OB exam room used to be a bit scary for me.  Now, after delivering a baby and being scraped, prodded and needled I feel quite at home in the white paper gown and stir ups.  I prop open my book and start passing away the time, when all of a sudden the nurse comes in with a rusted blue gas tank attached to some long tubes.  I glance down at this formidable foe covered in stickers saying things like “Gas cut off” “pressure gauge”, and “flammable”.   With a keen eye on the little tank, my ski cap on, I am ready for this battle.

It can be a bit awkward talking to your OB, especially while laying down, legs up and getting frozen. I have to give my Doc credit, he has a great bedside manner and we chat away about our weekend while he’s inventing a new south pole in my nether regions.  We are reminiscing about this and that when all of a sudden he takes a phone call.  (Ok, to his credit, apparently being frozen is like playing hockey, 3 minutes on ice, 3 minutes off, 3 minutes back on ice). So, during the three minute time out Doc takes a phone call.  Since he was on a 3 minute countdown clock he told his caller that he couldn’t talk right now stating “I’m in the middle of something, no literally, I’m in the middle of something.”  UGH!?!  Doctor did you just say that? Talk about embarrassing.  His nurse and I busted out laughing and we continued on to our next 3 minutes of freeze, moving on to talking about boyfriends, dates and ex-husbands.  (That will be a Blog for another day)

All in all my frozen experience was not that bad.  I’m feeling fine and don’t need to go back for a few months.  I was planning on meeting a friend today and trying to figure out what a good time was. I told her I was waiting on my cervix to defrost; she suggested it defrosts per pound….

How to be a Single Mom on the Dating Scene

Let’s face it – dating is hard. Being a single mom who dates is harder.  But it doesn’t have to be torturous, and if done with the right attitude it can be fun!

I have spent my time dating as a single mom and I’ve had single mom friends who have dated. I’ve compiled a list of what to do and not to do when you enter the dating scene as a single mom.  Please take the advice I’m giving – there is no need to experience your own Duh! Moments while dating….

1.       First things first – realize that you are mom. No, DON’T wear your Mom Jeans, but you also don’t’ have to dress and act like a flighty 21 year old.  Be yourself.  Of course go out and get a cute outfit,  touch up your roots, and make sure you don’t have any baby slobber on your clothing.  But all in all you are a mom and any guy going out on a date with you should know that.   

2.       Don’t go looking for a Dad.  Your kid already has a Dad.  For whatever reason that Dad may or may not be in the picture.  Just accept that your child was dealt that Dad and will adjust to his/her arrangements.  Don’t start out with the idea that you are replacing one Dad with another Dad.  You are just going out on a date.  Take it one step at a time.  If the guy is really a great guy, then it will all work out  and he will step up to the plate when needed to fill the Daddy role.

3.       Don’t show all of your cards as they are probably full of crazy eights!  This is a date, not a confessional. We all have a past, it is what makes us who we are.  BUT we don’t need to spill the beans on the first date.  Yes, honesty is the best policy, but no one REALLY needs to hear your entire sob story.  Let that come out over time.

4.       Don’t bring your kids into it.  Get to know each other first.  Yes, eventually you will want to make sure your kids click with the guy, but there is no need to introduce them at the beginning – remember he is dating YOU, not your entire family.

5.       Don’t put off dating until: your child is older, you lose 20 pounds, you get a new job, you find a good babysitter, etc.  I know way too many women who put aside their social life for their children.  Know what happens?  Their kids grow up, leave home, and the ladies are stuck in their 40s, 50s, 60s, trying to figure out how to date.  Like Nike says – Just Do It! Get out there and start to meet people.  You aren’t looking for Mr. Perfect, you are just getting back on the scene and enjoying the adventure.

6.       Do take care of yourself.  In your previous relationship you probably put up with a lot of BS and sacrificed a lot of yourself.  Don’t do it this time.  Figure out who YOU are and what YOU need.  Then go look for it and only settle when all of your needs are met.  This is your golden opportunity, a do-over, a fresh start. Don’t blow the moment by falling back into your old pattern. 

7.       Understand that there are weirdo’s out there and protect yourself!  (See my previous blogs about online dating).  It is sad, but I have had far too many friends be the unsuspecting victim to nasty guys looking to take advantage of vulnerable women.  (And, yes, my single mommy friends you are vulnerable).  Look for red flags and listen to them.

8.       Have fun! Really, this is a great time in your life. You get to experience the joy of motherhood, the good times of raising a child.  AND you get to get out of the house, meet new people and experience the ‘other side’ - being single.  Take advantage of your “off” nights.  If you aren’t ready to jump into online dating  then just go out with your girl friends, take a class, join a club.  There is so much out there. Sitting home being a single mom is the worst thing you can do.  You need to have fun and enjoy yourself so that you can be full of life and happiness for your kids.

9.       Have patience.  Yes, patience is important.  The chance of you finding Mr. Right on the first time out is pretty slim.  I’ve been single for quite some time and I’m still searching the galaxies for my Prince Charming.  However, I know there is someone out there for all of us. It is just a matter of perseverance, timing and getting off of my couch!

Don’t share your Eggs Benedict

In this day of text messages, IMs, Facebook status updates and casual hookups, the line between being in a serious relationship and just dating can get blurred very easily. 

I have found that most of the time one person tends to push the "relationship fast forward button" as soon as the other makes contact.

 Guy  - “What are you drinking?”

 Girl  - “Corona”      What she REALLY thinks is “He cares! He’s genuine! He’ll be a provider.  I bet he has a great job, fantastic! I’ll quit my job, we will have five kids, maybe a house at the beach, retire early, babysit our grandkids together…”

 Guy - How many Coronas until I can take her home tonight? 

Here are a few of my top relationship status confusions… Again ALL of these are true, either happened to me or my friends, someone just needed  to say DUH! you two are NOT on the same page.

The Toothbrush

                Girl – He bought me a toothbrush to keep at his place.  I know this is the first step to commitment!  Next he will ask me to move in.

                Guy – I bought her a toothbrush so she will stop using mine and I won’t have to deal with her morning breath.

Woman’s Best Friend?

                Girl to Guy after sex – “I really wish we could have more nights like this together”

                Guy to Girl – “You have that vibrator – you’ll be fine”

The Text message:

                Text from Guy to Girl - “How is your day going?”

                Girl’s Thoughts – He cares about me!  He misses me! He wants to spend his day with me! He needs me!  He knows I’m the perfect girl!  Maybe we are going out tonight? Maybe he’s taking me away for the weekend? 

                Guy’s Thoughts – I’m bored at work and texted my entire contact list to see what they were up to.

The Facebook Picture Tag or Status Update:

                Girl -  Took a cute picture and tagged guy in facebook photo or in Status Update

                Guy - Shit! She thinks we are in a relationship.  Now the whole world will know that I was with her on Friday night.  How do I delete this tag?

Meet the Parents

                Girl – “My parents are coming into town, want to have dinner?”

                Guy – She is serious about this! I’m meeting the parents. Next step, I’ll need to get a ring.  I don’t know if I can handle the pressure!?!?!

                Girl – I thought you’d like a free meal…

He likes French Toast

                Guy – Drank too much and ended up spending the night

                Girl- He spent the night! I’ll find out what he wants for breakfast, I’ll show him I’m a good cook.   He’ll spend every night over here.  We are on our way to moving in.

                Guy – “ I’ll take French Toast” (as fast as possible please) and then make my escape.

                Girl – He likes French Toast! I love French Toast! We both love French Toast! We are perfect  together!  This relationship is meant to be!

I am not Dr. Ruth and I really have no idea how to find the perfect mate. But I can offer a few words of advice I gleaned from my guy friends over the years on how to keep things in perspective.  When I am about to go off of the deep end into happily ever after, I follow these few rules:

1.     Talk about your status.  Talking is the only way you will figure out what is going on.  If you are on the same page all is good.  Are you just hooking up? Looking to be married?  Tell the other person!  Honesty is the best policy.
2.      Take this test my friend suggested:  Were you both drunk?  Were you both horny? If either or both are yes, then more than likely it is just sex.  No more, no less, just sex.    Don’t make it more than it was and don’t expect a phone call the next day.
3.       Don’t let them spend the night/don’t spend the night.  Get out of there before the sun comes up!  If you are not in the mood for a relationship, don’t start the morning snuggling and certainly don’t share your eggs Benedict.