I was extremely fortunate to grow up without needing or wanting anything. Sure, I really wanted to vacation in Europe and never got there, but besides that one thing, I pretty much had it all. My parents had money and happily shared it with us. We were taught to work young (See previous blog posts) but were also taught that as long as we were good kids, had good grades and worked hard we could pretty much have the lifestyle we wanted. At the same time we were aware that others might not have as much as we did so we volunteered, donated to charity and helped others as much as possible. All in all we grew up pretty well rounded and no very much in need or want of anything.
I was successful in college and started making a good salary pretty quickly. I married a guy who also made enough money. We had a house, two cars, a boat and took nice vacations. I had nice jewelry shopped at Nordstrom’s and my son had more shoes at age 2 than I had at 16. Again, not wanting or needing anything. As a family we decided how important giving back to others was. We donated to all sorts of charities, volunteered our time and were happy to be able to help others.
Raising a child started to put a whole new perspective on wants and needs. As soon as my son could talk he learned to ask for things. “Ball” was his favorite word and he happily pointed out every ball he could find, and we parents happily put them into our shopping carts. (Hey! They are only $2.99 each!) He then improved his vocabulary and started asking for more and more; a Lego here, a superman doll there, his toy collection was beginning to overtake our home.
As soon as we entered the years of “being a divorced family” his collection of stuff started growing. Partly out of guilt, partly out of not wanting to fight, and partly because – let’s face it, I had the cash, his demands and my shopping got worse and worse.
During this time I knew something was up. I don’t remember growing up and having EVERYTHING I wanted. I remember searching the Sears Toy Catalog and making lists, sending those lists to grandparents and waiting for Christmas for my toys. Now, all my little man has to do is call his PopPop, spend a few hours with him and he comes home with a new collection of toys. A trip to the Publix with GoGo even gets him a few toys. I called my sister and phoned my friends and it turned out most of us were having the same problems. Here we are, successful and happily trying to raise grateful children. But had our success and concept of disposable income ruined our children? When did we miss the message of waiting for what we wanted? Gratitude and thankfulness, where did they go?
I am slowly chipping away at the monster that I created. He now has allowance and it starting to understand the value of money (Heck! I’m still trying to grasp the fact that I can’t afford everything I want and I’m 33). When we go shopping I still allow him a toy for good behavior, but the price is set low and he has to justify the need for it.
This past week my sister read a survey somewhere on gratitude and test scores. Apparently the more gratitude a child has and can express the better their test scores are in school. Now the pressure is on to really get back to being grateful, heck his future education depends on it!
We started a gratitude journal. Each night we write five things we are grateful for. I was kind of worried that this project was going to be hard, that I would have to sit and explain that no, you can’t be grateful everyday for your walky-talkies and new sneakers. However, my little man surprised me. First thing he was thankful for --- Plants.
When I asked him why plants? He replied “they give us oxygen so we can live. I’m thankful for plants.”
Turns out I am the one who needs the lessons…
