“Won't you be nervous?” My friend asked me the other day at lunch. I was telling her about an event I had to go to that evening and she asked me if I was afraid of attending an event by myself and not knowing who would be there. “Not really” I replied. “I’m pretty much used to going to places by myself and meeting new people.” My friend told me she could never just go to a party, work event, or mixer by herself. She just isn’t comfortable being alone in that kind of environment. Luckily for me, I don’t have a fear of showing up someplace by myself.
This conversation led to another one “What makes you nervous? What are you afraid of?” Hmm… this one was tougher for me to answer. I replied “Dating” makes me nervous – she quickly retorted that it didn’t make me nervous and if it DID in fact make me nervous I would not be on 2 dating sites at the same time and juggling dates. Ok – point taken.
I still couldn’t think of much to be afraid of or nervous about? I am confident alone, can make friends, and enjoy trying new things. I don’t think I have too many feelings of dread when it comes to events in my life. I guess I am pretty lucky like that.
After more contemplating and thinking about this (because, you know, it is a random thought, and those are the kind of thoughts that get stuck in my head and I can’t get them out) I might have a few things that make me nervous.
The first thing is i'm afraid of and hate confrontation. HATE HATE HATE it. I hate it so much that I still volunteer for stuff I don’t want to do just because I am afraid of confronting the people and telling them why I don’t want to help anymore. (Yes, I’m a sucker that is engulfed in fear of letting someone down). I will lose sleep for days about something as trivial as confronting a coworker and telling them their idea wasn’t up to par, or their attitude needs to be fixed, or that they just really need to change the way they do something. Confrontation = Stress and fear for me. I’ve learned that my fear of confrontation makes me a pretty bad people manager. I’m great at managing people who are on my team and rowing the boat the way I row, but one lose paddle and I can’t deal well with it. Luckily for me, in my career I really don’t’ have to directly manage people and I can happily pick the people I want on my row boat.
Another thing that makes me nervous is falling in love. Weird right? Well, I’m not hung up on it in the “can’t get out of the house kind of way”, more like it’s a BIG step and I’m kind of not there yet kind of way. Once you have a child in your life the whole “falling in love” thing takes a SERIOUSLY BIG commitment. One bad breakup when my Little Man was 4 and I quickly developed a fear of falling in love. For now I am putting it down in the column of Healthy Fears. You know that column? In that column goes: Sky Diving, Bungee Jumping, and roller blading… (Ok, roller blading is safe for some people, but for me it is a seriously dangerous sport and it will stay in the fear column!)
I remember filling out a paper for my Little Man when he was entering Pre K. He was 4 years old and the teacher wanted to know things like, favorite color, favorite food, allergies and fears. I think she was looking for things like “afraid of the deep end of the pool, afraid of strangers, etc.” I asked my little man “What are you afraid of?” He replied, “Monsters” “That is all?” I asked. “Well, Big Ones”
Ok, little man. You are right. There really isn’t much in life to be afraid of but Big Monsters.
