Afraid of this?

“Won't you be nervous?”  My friend asked me the other day at lunch.  I was telling her about an event I had to go to that evening and she asked me if I was afraid of attending an event by myself and not knowing who would be there.  “Not really” I replied.  “I’m pretty much used to going to places by myself and meeting new people.”    My friend told me she could never just go to a party, work event, or mixer by herself.  She just isn’t comfortable being alone in that kind of environment.  Luckily for me, I don’t have a fear of showing up someplace by myself. 

This conversation led to another one “What makes you nervous?  What are you afraid of?”  Hmm… this one was tougher for me to answer.  I replied “Dating” makes me nervous – she quickly retorted that it didn’t make me nervous and if it DID in fact make me nervous I would not be on 2 dating sites at the same time and juggling dates.  Ok – point taken.

I still couldn’t think of much to be afraid of or nervous about?  I am confident alone, can make friends, and enjoy trying new things.   I don’t think I have too many feelings of dread when it comes to events in my life.  I guess I am pretty lucky like that.

After more contemplating and thinking about this (because, you know, it is a random thought, and those are the kind of thoughts that get stuck in my head and I can’t get them out) I might have a few things that make me nervous.

The first thing is i'm afraid of and hate confrontation. HATE HATE HATE it. I hate it so much that I still volunteer for stuff I don’t want to do just because I am afraid of confronting the people and telling them why I don’t want to help anymore.  (Yes, I’m a sucker that is engulfed in fear of letting someone down).    I will lose sleep for days about something as trivial as confronting a coworker and telling them their idea wasn’t up to par, or their attitude needs to be fixed, or that they just really need to change the way they do something.  Confrontation = Stress and fear for me.  I’ve learned that my fear of confrontation makes me a pretty bad people manager.  I’m great at managing people who are on my team and rowing the boat the way I row, but one lose paddle and I can’t deal well with it.  Luckily for me, in my career I really don’t’ have to directly manage people and I can happily pick the people I want on my row boat.

Another thing that makes me nervous is falling in love. Weird right?  Well, I’m not hung up on it in the “can’t get out of the house kind of way”, more like it’s a BIG step and I’m kind of not there yet kind of way.  Once you have a child in your life the whole “falling in love” thing takes a SERIOUSLY BIG commitment.  One bad breakup when my Little Man was 4 and I quickly developed a fear of falling in love.  For now I am putting it down in the column of Healthy Fears.   You know that column?  In that column goes:  Sky Diving, Bungee Jumping, and roller blading… (Ok, roller blading is safe for some people, but for me it is a seriously dangerous sport and it will stay in the fear column!)

I remember filling out a paper for my Little Man when he was entering Pre K. He was 4 years old and the teacher wanted to know things like, favorite color, favorite food, allergies and fears.  I think she was looking for things like “afraid of the deep end of the pool, afraid of strangers, etc.”  I asked my little man “What are you afraid of?”   He replied, “Monsters”    “That is all?” I asked.  “Well, Big Ones”

Ok, little man.  You are right.  There really isn’t much in life to be afraid of but Big Monsters.

Like me?

I grew up thinking everyone should like me.  I was raised with a positive attitude, taught to see the good side of things and never got too sad when I was picked last for the team in gym class. 

In middle school I tried out for the basketball team – I was awful, I got cut.  I moved on to cheerleading – I was decent and decided that I looked better in a cheerleading skirt than basketball shorts.  Throughout my teens and twenties I joined clubs, helped out, became president of clubs and got awards.  Ask me about college and I’ll give you a laundry list of all of the organizations I joined.  I don’t have your traditional “Drunk night at bar stories” I have more of the “taking care of sorority sisters, volunteering for charity stories”.  Sure I applied to be on the Homecoming court, I didn’t get picked – no biggy for me, I still volunteered on the Homecoming committee and participated in the parade.

Once I entered my 30’s I redirected my energy to taking care of my son, my family, and my friends.  I joined mom’s groups and boards. I was elected to more things and people liked me.  I was helping others, people liked me helping them – life was good.

Sure, I had my HUGE share of disappointments (Read previous blog posts) but I really don’t dwell on them.  I just keep my head up, move forward and carry on. 

Well, apparently there are some people in this world who don’t like me (SHOCKER I know!)  You may laugh at this, but it is truly hard for me to grasp.  I am still friends with 99.9% of the guys I have dated, my ex-husband is on speed dial and I still volunteer for most of the agencies I used to work for.  I really don’t have that many people who don’t like me, or so I thought…

Well, yesterday I found out that I wasn’t liked by someone.  Some person felt compelled to relay their dislike of me publicly, rudely and worse, anonymously.

What is the problem you ask?  Why am I dedicating a post to this topic?  So what if someone doesn’t like you or what you have to say? 

Well the problem is – I’ve never not been liked. 

Ok, that sounds terrible I know.  Conceited, maybe?  However it is true.  Maybe this is a lesson I was supposed to learn at age 11 when I didn’t make the basketball team, or at age 21 when I wasn’t chosen for homecoming court? However, learning this lesson at age 33 stings really bad.   There are people out there who don’t like me.

So, you say, what am I going to do about it? 

Hmm… I couldn’t sleep all night asking myself this very question.  Part of me wanted to quit everything I do, resign from all of my boards and just curl up and become a hermit.  The other part of me wanted to just blast it out to everyone I know as a big *** to whomever cares so much about me that they have to intentionally hurt me.  But in reality I’ve chosen to pretty much do nothing.  (I’m blogging of course because that makes me happy)  I’m not going to change who I am.  I am not going to be ashamed of anything I do (in real life or on facebook).  I’m not going to apologize for being successful, having friends and being happy.  I am not going to be scared that someone is jealous of me and I am not going to be sad that someone doesn’t like me.

I’m going to count my blessings.  I am going to be thankful for my true friends who have supported me, laughed with me and continue to like me.  At the end of the day, I don’t care if not everyone likes me.  I care more about the people I chose to like.

Where have all the good bloggity blogs gone?

Ok, I confess to being lazy about my blog.  I am honestly not lazy – I am far from it.  I’ve been busy working. I’m working on work projects, working on friend’s projects, working as a volunteer at my son’s school, working as a volunteer for other groups and even working on the weekends as a waitress.  (Christmas is around the corner folks- gotta save up!)

So my free time, or what is left of it, is pretty much eaten up with being a mom, trying to maintain some sort of a social life and my sanity.

Plus, I realized that putting everything out here on my blog is pretty much crazy.  I’ve had a few friends (ok, all of them male) ask why I would want to share my thoughts with the online world?  I answered; better out than in.  Of course I want to share, I’m a girl, and I share.  Sharing is caring folks. 

Recently I’ve entered back into the dating scene.  (No, I won’t discuss any current activities on here, too much pressure and too personal)  Anyway, I mentioned to not one, but two different guys that they should read my blog. I mean, come on, it is like a “How to Guide to Date Dana” on here, it’s their very own cheat sheet.  Their responses?  Both said that it would take all of the fun out of getting to know me.  They didn’t want a cheat sheet and were ready to tackle the dating game without any clues. 

Ok, gentlemen – game on!  I’ll put a hiatus to my blogging about myself and we will see what will happen. 

(and bloggity blog followers – I’ll keep you posted!)

Thank you Mother Nature

There are a lot of happy people in South Florida today.

No we aren’t happy about football scores - the Gators lost and I have no idea what the score of the Miami game was. 

The weather changed! 

Yep we woke up to 70 degrees, no humidity and sunshine.  It is amazing how a break in the oppressive heat can turn around people’s moods.  South Floridians have a bit of secret I’ll share with you.  The weather here sucks sometimes.  (Shh! Don’t tell anyone I told you.) 

We South Floridians wave it in your face all winter long that while our family and friends up north are shoveling snow, we are sunbathing.  While you all deal with raking leaves and winterizing your house, we are out fishing.  While you all are spring cleaning and fertilizing your lawns we are enjoying our lush landscapes and golfing.  Yes, we boast and we chide you about how horrible your weather is while our weather is perfect.

Then summer comes and you don’t hear from us, do you?  Suddenly our boasts and taunts are silenced.  You know why?  We are hot and that makes us cranky.  We huddle in air conditioned offices, and stroll the malls looking for cool air.  Sure our pictures of us in bathing suits and sun dresses show us having fun, but honestly, we are just wearing the bare minimum to keep ourselves cool and a step away from heat stroke.  We become cranky and agitated.  Our happy hours are a lot less happy because our bars are crammed with people fighting for the spot closest to the fan.  We don’t go swimming because the pool is hotter than a bath tub, and we can’t eat outside anymore because the bugs will devour you before you have a chance to touch your burger.  We grumpily wade through the summer humidity with dreams of a cooler fall and an enjoyable winter where we again can boast to our friends about the glorious days in South Florida.

Once the humidity broke it was like the chains had been lifted off people’s doors.  All of a sudden I see many more people walking to the beach, riding bikes and waving to their neighbors on their morning walks.  Our typical grouchy selves formerly too hot to smile and too bogged down to wave are now smiling and stopping to talk with each other. 

I think the weather today is teasing us.  I have a feeling that we will be trick or treating in flip flops and shorts again this year.  But for now, I’ll take whatever break Mother Nature wants to give us.  I’ll happily wave on my morning run and I might even say hello to my neighbor….

Priorities....

Labor Day...

As I sit making my deviled eggs and marinating my chicken for our Labor Day BBQ I reflect on my past work history.  It is no secret that a year ago I entered the world of “Consulting”.  You know “Consulting Land” it is the place between working full time with benefits and getting a new job working full time with benefits (some call it unemployment).  The difference for me is that I truly like Consulting Land.   I get to pick my clients, set my price, schedule my own work hours and spend a lot of time with my son.  

However surviving on the mean streets of Consulting Land you have to develop some thick skin.  You may put all of your time into updating your resume, picking out the perfect suit/jewelry/hairstyle combo, proofreading your proposal and manicuring your nails all to find out that there is no money in the budget, you are overqualified, under qualified, too female, too white, too young, and too old.   And you have to suck it up, move on and find the next gig that will be the perfect fit for you.

I think I am able to live happily in Consulting Land because of my past experience of looking for work. I’ve been working for over ½ my life – yes people my mom did not believe in child labor laws and my sister and I started at the ripe age of 13 bussing tables at the Diner.  We got paid under the table in cash so it was a win-win relationship.  Call me a capitalist, but I actually liked working.  Well I liked having cash in my wallet more than I liked the work.  So I cheerfully filled coffee cups, served up pie and smiled my way through my shifts. 

Currently I could use a bit more cash and I’m still pounding the proverbial pavement looking for work.  I get high praise and shut down in equal amounts.  My skin is growing thicker and I’ve fined tuned my presentation skills over the year.  I also have learned to up my standards and not take any job that jumps at me.  Here are a few of my top interview Duh moments:

Me to Lt. Governor of Unnamed State while interviewing:  “Yes Sir, I have a lot of experience, I look forward to doing blah, blah, blah”

Lt. Governor to Me:  “Look Dana, I know your husband, I know he makes enough money.  Why don’t you just stay home and have babies.  You don’t need to work.”

Me to Lt. Governor: Nothing! I was speechless! 

Me to prospective Client:  “Yes, I’ve worked with U.S. Presidents, U.S. Senators, Diplomats, well known actors, NFL Athletes, National Charities and successfully raised millions of dollars…”

Prospective Client to my Current Client: “But, how does she act around men?”

Me to Myself:  “What the Hell!?  Is he looking for an escort or a fundraiser? I think I want to kick him in the balls – that’s how I act around men you gross old man!”

Me:  “Sir, I treat everyone with respect and dignity no matter if they are male/female, wealthy or poor”

Me to Myself: “Jerk!”

Me to prospective employer’s Receptionist:  “I’m here to speak with the manager about applying for a position”

Receptionist:  “She is way too busy to handle that right now.  She is on a conference call, the assistant manager called out and two other girls are sick today.  She has no time for you.”

Me to Receptionist: “It sounds like now is the perfect time to hire someone.  I’ve worked here before and can fill in immediately if you need me.”

Receptionist:  “I’m sorry you will need to come back next week to talk to her - try Tuesday or Wednesday.”

National Vice President of a HUGE Non Profit:  “Dana I really like you and your energy, but I think you think outside of the box too much.”

Me to myself:  “What the hell!? Is this 1984?  What kind of company is this?”

Me to Vice President:   “You may be correct; I am a forward thinker and like to create new and innovative ways to accomplish a goal.”

So with that, I am still looking for something that fits perfectly allows me to think outside the box, interact with people and just generally enjoy life!