Gratitude as an Attitude

I was extremely fortunate to grow up without needing or wanting anything.  Sure, I really wanted to vacation in Europe and never got there, but besides that one thing, I pretty much had it all.  My parents had money and happily shared it with us.  We were taught to work young (See previous blog posts) but were also taught that as long as we were good kids, had good grades and worked hard we could pretty much have the lifestyle we wanted.  At the same time we were aware that others might not have as much as we did so we volunteered, donated to charity and helped others as much as possible.  All in all we grew up pretty well rounded and no very much in need or want of anything.

I was successful in college and started making a good salary pretty quickly.  I married a guy who also made enough money.  We had a house, two cars, a boat and took nice vacations.  I had nice jewelry shopped at Nordstrom’s and my son had more shoes at age 2 than I had at 16.  Again, not wanting or needing anything.  As a family we decided how important giving back to others was.  We donated to all sorts of charities, volunteered our time and were happy to be able to help others. 

Raising a child started to put a whole new perspective on wants and needs.  As soon as my son could talk he learned to ask for things.  “Ball” was his favorite word and he happily pointed out every ball he could find, and we parents happily put them into our shopping carts.  (Hey! They are only $2.99 each!)  He then improved his vocabulary and started asking for more and more; a Lego here, a superman doll there, his toy collection was beginning to overtake our home. 

As soon as we entered the years of “being a divorced family” his collection of stuff started growing.  Partly out of guilt, partly out of not wanting to fight, and partly because – let’s face it, I had the cash, his demands and my shopping got worse and worse. 

During this time I knew something was up. I don’t remember growing up and having EVERYTHING I wanted. I remember searching the Sears Toy Catalog and making lists, sending those lists to grandparents and waiting for Christmas for my toys.  Now, all my little man has to do is call his PopPop, spend a few hours with him and he comes home with a new collection of toys.  A trip to the Publix with GoGo even gets him a few toys.  I called my sister and phoned my friends and it turned out most of us were having the same problems.  Here we are, successful and happily trying to raise grateful children.  But had our success and concept of disposable income ruined our children?  When did we miss the message of waiting for what we wanted?  Gratitude and thankfulness, where did they go?

I am slowly chipping away at the monster that I created.  He now has allowance and it starting to understand the value of money (Heck! I’m still trying to grasp the fact that I can’t afford everything I want and I’m 33).  When we go shopping I still allow him a toy for good behavior, but the price is set low and he has to justify the need for it. 

This past week my sister read a survey somewhere on gratitude and test scores.  Apparently the more gratitude a child has and can express the better their test scores are in school.  Now the pressure is on to really get back to being grateful, heck his future education depends on it!

 We started a gratitude journal.  Each night we write five things we are grateful for.  I was kind of worried that this project was going to be hard, that I would have to sit and explain that no, you can’t be grateful everyday for your walky-talkies and new sneakers.  However, my little man surprised me.  First thing he was thankful for --- Plants.

When I asked him why plants?  He replied “they give us oxygen so we can live. I’m thankful for plants.”

Turns out I am the one who needs the lessons…

Dress Codes

I’m all for dressing up and quite honestly put a lot (ok, maybe too much) time into finding the right outfit for special occasions.  I have ball gowns, cocktail dresses, church clothes, Sunday shopping dresses (yes, I have them!), beach attire, surf attire, golf clothes, tennis clothes and ski clothes.  (Ok, I don’t TECHNICALLY play, golf tennis or ski, but I’m prepared just in case the need arises.) My friends comment that I have “too much” clothing. I prefer to think of myself as prepared.

I also live in the land of the “special event” AKA Palm Beach.  Somehow the caring residents and our seasonal guests have created a social scene like no other. We have breakfasts, teas, luncheons, mid day drinks, happy hours and black ties. We party it down at Polo Matches, Tennis Tournaments, on the golf course and even on the croquet fields.  We cocktail on yachts, at museums, in private homes and posh night clubs.  There are some people whose full time job is just keeping their boss’ social calendar.

Lately it seems as if the event planners and committee chairs have gotten a bid bored with the traditional “Cocktail Attire” comment on the invite.  For someone who is truly prepared for any occasion, I am completely stumped lately. Check out some of the invites I have received recently.
Invite #1              Cowboy or Indian Attire - no this was NOT an invite for my son’s birthday party; it was for a “Garden BBQ” for adults

Invite #2              Festive Feline Attire - Seriously. 

Invite # 3             Strappy Sandals and Sexy Dress   - Finally some direction!  My only worry was the sex factor – how sexy is too sexy?

Invite #4              Smart Casual – Ok I really have a problem with this one.  How is an outfit smart?  I get casual, but smart?

Miscellaneous Invites: Wear Green, Wear Pink, and Wear Purple - while I do appreciate the direction and help in choosing my color for the night, a few more descriptive words might help.  These leave me still wondering – Cocktail? Jeans?  Ball gown?

And my new favorite mystery attire description – “Vegas Casual to Semiformal” and thus the reason I will be sitting in my closet for the next hour trying to figure out what in there fits this description…

Attack of the Jerseys

Yesterday I was driving to Starbucks to celebrate another thing that is back for the fall - pumpkin spice latte!  When I fell upon the conclave of the Football Jersey.  I spied them in the Ale House parking lot, their secret meeting,  all shiny and glistening and getting ready for the big game.  But, then my spidey sense kicked in.  It’s 2:00 on a Monday.  I live at least an hour and a half from Dolphin’s stadium.  These jerseys are attached to jean shorts and short skirts and are from all different teams!?!?

 What is going on?

 Is the jersey plotting to take over South Florida?

I rolled on through the parking lot, kept my spidey eyes on the shifty jerseys and successfully got my pumpkin spice latte. 

I only had one more errand to go and I figured I’d be safe from those shifty jean short wearing jerseys. 

Too bad my next stop was the sporting goods store.  Turns out that is the jersey wearer’s Mecca.  Their little slice of heaven with an unlimited array of logo’d gear.  I ran through the store, kept my eyes low and made my purchase before crashing into Michael Vick and Tom Brady at the check-out.  I don’t know that much about football but what I do know is that Vick is an Eagle and probably not buds with Brady, and the Brady in front of me looks as if he can’t throw a Frisbee let alone a spiral.  So, who stole Vick and Brady and replaced them with these two fellows and why are they shopping at my sporting goods store?!?!

Oh…right… they’ve been attacked by the Jerseys.

I think I figured out how the Jersey’s take over our neighborhoods each fall.  First, they prey on the unsuspecting beer drinker.  They get themselves all shiney and new and tell them stories of football games’ past.  Then they whisper sweet nothings into their prey’s ear about touchdowns and fantasy sports leagues.  Once they have them hooked, they attach themselves and insist on being partnered with jean shorts and sneakers. 

Next, they stalk the malls.  They shrink themselves down to teeny tiny girly sizes and tell the young girls that they will certainly grab a football player if they just wear one and start spouting football facts.

But the worst of the worst is – they conform to kids sizes.  They get so small that they grab a hold of an unsuspecting toddler and latch on.  The toddler won’t let go and together they play, pretending they are the next Tom Brady or Michael Vick, they nap together and dream of touchdowns and may even go out shopping for a matching helmet and pads.  And together they develop a life-long love affair of boy and his jersey.

 So what does one do when the Jersey’s attack?  Set some ground rules:

Rule #1   Jerseys can only be worn on game day. Period.

Rule #2   College Jerseys can only be worn if you attended (and hopefully) graduated from that school.

Rule # 3 You must wear a t-shirt under the jersey and the jersey must be a full size bigger than you would actually wear.  Please don’t wear a ½ jersey and let you beer gut hang out.  That is just wrong.

Rule #4  If you choose to wear a jersey, you do not have to wear any other form of logo’d gear.  Hat, pants, shoes, can all be plain.  Really, we know what team you are supporting.

Rule #5 Once you pick a team stick with it.  You can’t wear one team’s jersey and another team’s hat. See above rule #4, you probably don’t need a hat.

Rule #6 You are never, ever, ever allowed to wear jean shorts with your jersey.

If you follow the above jersey wearing rules, you will probably be safe from the Attack Jerseys, but please don’t say I didn’t warn you.

…Go Eagles!

In Search of a Passion

The other day we were sitting at a bar and a song came on the juke box that I had no clue what it was.  My friend immediately busted out with the band and began singing the lyrics.  I sat there in awe.  I have never been one to pay attention to bands/lyrics.  Sure, I can recite a few good rap lyrics from the early 90’s and I probably know all of the words to MC Hammer’s songs, but besides that brief foray into music, I am pretty much useless.

My friends and I were certainly impressed and she just looked at us and said “well, music is my passion”. I looked at the table and realized everyone there had a passion and I was plain broke in the passion department.  One friend loves growing herbs and veggies and cooking, another likes any sport or race that is a challenge, other friends love photography, scrapbooking, travel.  Me – I got nothing.

I have tried to find a passion.  Some may remember my brief foray into scrapbooking. I ordered a do it yourself kit from QVC and scrapbooked my way through a bottle of chardonnay.

I then took up bedazzling. I found a bedazzler at Walmart (another blog about that later) and started bedazzling everything I could find.  I was finally cut off when I tried to bedazzle the dog’s collar. 

I tried to take up photography and actually have three old style cameras, a few photography books and enrolled in one class – can’t say I ever developed a roll of film. 

I really got into Pilates and would consider that, but once I broke up with the Pilates instructor and had to pay for Pilates classes I lost interest pretty quickly. 

I tried taking up golf, but kept getting hit on at the driving range by old men telling me how to swing my clubs so before I swung at one of them I passed on becoming a golf pro.

I had a brief stint at baking but got banned from putting anything in the oven that contained sugar (too many fire alarms were going off).

I would say my passion is shopping but really can’t say it’s a passion – more like therapy.

I could say I’m passionate about being a mom – but really I’m not.   I LOVE being a mom, but it is a job, a requirement and mission, not so much a passion.

For days I thought about what my passion is.  I asked around for ideas about what my passion could be.  Some suggested my passion is party planning, happy hours, planning events for friends, being with others, socializing.  That could be a good contender as my passion,  but hey, it is also my JOB. 

So, I guess I’m either really lucky that I’m passionate about my job, or I’m really boring and need to find yet another hobby…

“This here’s a tale for all the fellas tryin to do what those ladies tell us…”

I’ve been sitting here trying to come up with something to blog about. Apparently I’ve been kind of boring.  My little man suggested I blog about football, but since we are still in pre-season and I haven’t caught a game yet, I decided to postpone that blog.  However, one subject that needs to be addressed is “How to have a good first date”.  I am sending this as a shout out to my guy friends, hoping to impart a little wisdom on you as well as save the girls you go out with the headache of dealing with what I’ve already dealt with.  Here it goes: (all of these have happened to me or a very good friend of mine – I promise, I don’t make this stuff up)

1.    Don’t pick the restaurant then open the conversation by saying “I heard this place got shut down for having such a gross kitchen”.  
2.    Don’t ask a girl how much she makes.  When she answers “enough to be comfortable and pay my bills”, don’t ask – but really how much do you make?!
3.    Don’t ask the girl to split the bill.  If you picked the date, the place, the drinks and the food then don’t ask the girl to pay.  If she offers to pay and you are short on cash, say “yes, let’s split it”, but if you really want to impress the girl just pay for her.  I promise it will make a good impression.
4.    Don’t take her to a chain restaurant.  (OK, this is where my friends and I disagree.  Since I live where there are tons of independent restaurants and fun places to try I think you should at least try a new spot.  But, if you live in the middle of nowhere and Bob Evans is the ONLY place, then ok, you get a pass.  Other than that – stay away from chains! They don’t show your personality and are a no go.)
5.    Don’t recite poetry – ever – period.  Sorry, I just can’t ever see a place for poetry on a first date.  It is creepy and makes your date uncomfortable.
6.    If you meet her online; don’t ask her where she lives.  It is ok to ask about what town, but don’t ask the street, corner, address, house style, etc.  Don’t ask to pick her up and when she says no, insist.  The reason she met you online is because she wants to remain a bit anonymous, if she likes you, you will see her place soon enough.
7.     Don’t double book.  Of course we are all very busy, but booking back to back dates and pushing one along faster is rude.  We all know if the date isn’t working out well.  Just drink you drink, pay the bill and move on.
8.   Don’t check out other girls at the bar.  Of course you are single and ready to mingle, that is the reason you are ON a date.  But trying to make eye contact and flirting with the bartenders is a total turnoff for any girl.
9.  Smell good.  (Do I really need to go into this?)  Actually, I do.  Please shower and deodorize before going on a date.  You don’t need to shave, iron, or tuck in your shirt.  But please put a bit of effort into smelling good. 
10.   Don’t go on a date if you aren’t over your last relationship.  Sure, we all need to get back in the saddle, man up and try again. But maybe find a rebound at a bar?  Girls put a lot of effort into dates.  I know we make it seem effortless. We get all flirty and breezy and pretend we have always had our cute dress, hair perfectly done, nails manicured and things waxed.  Let me tell you the truth – we’ve thought about this date since the minute it was booked.  We researched the menu at the restaurant, we plotted our parking spot and route to the front door, we called our friends and formulated the perfect outfit, we spent hours at the salon, highlighting, low lighting, trimming, waxing, buffing, and scrubbing.  We’ve invested a ton of cash into our new makeup; purchased the perfect tummy slimming, leg lengthening, cellulite hiding undergarments.  We’ve purchased a new bra with just the right amount of push up to show the perfect bit of cleavage.  We haven’t eaten in days, we’ve done double time at the gym, and we took off ½ day of work to be perfect for our date.  So, please don’t waste our time.  We are worthy of a great man and we expect you to give 100% to our date.

I can’t promise these rules are foolproof since all of us ladies are different.  But I do promise that if you do your best to follow them you will be able to Bust a Move….

1. A little Young MC wisdom for you