Life is hard, sometimes we fail at things.
We all know it. But often, as women, moms, daughters and sisters we forget that we don’t have to be good at everything.
I am lucky. I got married and failed at it. Actually, I pretty much sucked at being married and I’m happy about it.
What?!?!! You might think, you say you are lucky that you failed at it – Crazy talk!
Yes, I contend. I had a short marriage, got a beautiful son and learned A LOT.
One of the most important lessons I learned came from my mom. (Ok, mom – I do listen to you, I might not admit it, but I do) I find myself telling my girlfriends her sage advice often. What is this wit and wisdom you wonder?
Well – that it is ok to fail, ok to be sad/mad/depressed. It is ok to give up for a day and admit that life just sucks sometimes. But here is the top secret miracle advice: Give yourself a time limit – a day, a weekend, and a few hours. Take some time for YOU. Eat a container of ice cream, go crazy for a wild girl’s weekend, go on a shopping spree, watch sappy movies and cry your eyes out. Do whatever it takes to be YOU. Then get over it. Whatever you problem is, move on. Give yourself some time to grieve, then pull yourself up and move on out/up/over your obstacle.
The most important part of this whole system is – set a time limit. When I found out my husband was not going to be mine anymore my mom gave me 24 hours to get over it. That might seem harsh, but I had a 20 month old son who needed a strong, sane mommy to take care of him. A mommy that dwells in the past, cries over what might have been and lives in the land of “poor me” is not a good mommy. My son needed security and assurance, he needed to be potty trained and bathed, he needed to go to Little Gym and have regular nap time. He didn’t need a mommy who was off her rocker because “life got hard”. Yes friends, life is hard - it even sucks sometimes, but we have responsibilities and need to move on and keep plugging along.
I don’t want to even begin counting how many of my friends have called me saying something tragic has happened (side note: tragedy is subjective, sometimes they find a husband cheating on them, sometimes they have just been dumped via a text message – each is tragic in its own right and I am not judging their tragedy).
My continual advice is – “Ok, let’s do something for you!” Embrace the moment. If you need to eat ice cream, I’m coming over with a gallon and two spoons. Need a night out and some wine? I’ll buy the first 3 rounds. Need a crazy friend to drive around South Florida looking for your husband and his new girlfriend? I’ll be the co-pilot. You get your time to be crazy, off your rocker and depressed. But I promise you I’m only giving you a day or two… then I’m coming back, knocking on your door and getting you to live your life again. I’m going to pick up your kids at day care and drop them off for you to feed them dinner. I’m going to call you early in the a.m. and make sure you make your morning meeting. I am going to meet you for lunch to make sure that you are eating. Be your crazy, off your rocker self for a day – then suck it up and come back to reality.
We all know that life is hard – it just is. Let’s give a toast to our crazy moments, enjoy them and move on to better tomorrows!
