Recently my friends and I have found ourselves debating the best way to let a guy go, or moreover how do you not hurt the person you don’t want to date anymore. Typically, we aren’t “serial daters”, but due to our recent adventures into online dating a few of us have a few too many guys in our inbox and we needed to delete a few. (I know this sounds HORRBIBLY rude, but I assure it is not) I am just stating the facts -that once you begin online dating and go out on a few dates you inevitably end up with a group of “nice guys” in your contact list.The “Nice Guy” group mainly consists of guys who you don’t want to make out with. (At least that is my standard) If I am on a date and I don’t want to kiss you, then we might progress to date #2 just to make sure. Once date #2 is over and I still don’t want to make out with you, then you get stuck in the “nice guy” zone. The “nice guy” zone isn’t a bad place per say - it is just the dating version of no man’s land. The guy is really nice and you would love to set him up with the perfect girl, just not you.
Because my friends and I are genuinely nice girls (really, we are a few of the last, un-jaded, nice, kind and caring girls left in South Florida) we tend to keep our “Nice Guy” Inbox full. We just can’t cut and run. Nope, we don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings (see previous blog posts) we don’t want to seem rude, we don’t want to seem shallow. So what do we do? We respond to every text Mr. Nice Guy sends, we begrudgingly go out for just one more coffee, we chat on the phone when we just don’t want to make any more small talk and we hem and haw over how to cut it off.
There is no easy way for a nice girl to get rid of a nice guy. The “it’s not you, it’s me thing” doesn’t really work. The “I’m just not into you” was used and abused by now. The “I’m focusing on myself and have no time for dating” doesn’t make sense when you are on an online dating site.
It is very unfortunate, but I am afraid that Mr. Nice Guy forces the nice girls to get a little bit harsh when breaking it off. Just this week I used “I have no time right now, I’m focusing on my career” That seemed like such a good one! Perfect I thought…. NOPE – his response? “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere…Take what time you need” UGH! Mr. Nice Guy – Stop being so nice!
So, alas I sit here with my inbox still relatively full of Mr. Nice Guys just waiting for a response... while I on the other hand am in search of the perfect way to quickly pull off the dating Band aide and let these nice guys go!
Love your thoughts, Dana. The nice guy/girl issue seems to be a lot like a sale. Not every client is a fit. And you are not the sales person, in this case you are the customer. Perhaps you could have a "close file" call, or email, or maybe at the beginning of the first date tell them, it is okay for them to say no, and to please allow you the same courtesy. A fit has to go both ways and you are going to say no and close their file. Nothing personal, just not a good fit...I don't know it seems corny when I write this and read it, it I'll push publish anyway. Love your blog!
ReplyDeletejust have him read this blog, It should be clear to him then!
ReplyDelete