No women really like showers.

Truth: No women really like showers. 

No, I am not talking about hot steamy with your man showers, we ALL like those. And I am not talking about the daily ritual of cleaning yourself showers, we all need those.  I’m speaking about the kind you have in the middle of a perfectly decent Saturday afternoon, they usually follow the words “baby” or “wedding”.  Dear Lord, all women DREAD those showers.

I have to be honest, well it is my blog, and honesty IS my policy, but I hate showers!  I have planned them, attended them and even been the guest of honor at them.  I still just can’t get excited about them. 

First of all, I have no idea why men aren’t invited and properly guilted into attending?  Why is it assumed that women are the only ones that want to spend their day with their friend, watching her open presents, discussing the intricate details of either the wedding cake or the best breast pump? I am sure some men would love to sit around and chat it up about things like colors for the flowers and whether the new parents should use a diaper genie or cloth diapers.

The second thing I don’t really get about showers is why the planners insist on them being at the most awkward time in the middle of the weekend?  Don’t we all have busy lives and save up all of our errands and family things for Saturday or Sunday?  Where was it written that showers must be in the middle of the day and last for hours?  Why don’t we have a happy hour shower?  Or a dinner party shower? 

Lately I have noticed (thanks to Facebook) that people are going all over the top crazy with their shower themes.  It used to be that you got a little card in the mail with the fill in the blank…
“Let’s all shower with love:_________.  On_____ at ____.  ____ is registered at_____”  easy invite. 

Not much fuss.  You knew the decorations were probably going to be either white for a wedding and pink or blue for a baby.   I blame Pinterest for the invasion of shower party planner craziness.  Now invites arrive in handmade boxes with ribbons, guests are encouraged to dress a part, and everything is themed and matched just perfectly for the special day.   As a party planning fan, I am all in favor of creativity and a good theme.  I am just a bit scared to see what the first birthday party will be like if the baby shower is already over the top!

Finally, my last reason I don’t care for showers is the whole “watch the person open the present thing”.  It is awkward.  No matter what end you are participating in it is weird.  When my family and friends threw me a surprise baby shower I was so grateful for the wonderful people who came to wish us well with the new baby.  But, the hard part was feigning excitement when you are opening your 30^th box of new born diapers, or getting hand washable nipple guards. (Yes, they exist)  More uncomfortable is being the gift giver and sitting patiently through the bride or new mom opening one present after the other, reading the card out loud, passing it around and the oooing and aweing over each little sock, picture frame and teething ring. 

I am not going to put down all showers.  Sometimes they are great way to catch up with old friends and family you only see on the shower/wedding/funeral circuit.  Also they can be great learning environments - you never know when someone may need you to make a wedding gown out of toilet paper or a bouquet out of old ribbons!

Sisters For Life

The other night I stopped by my old Sorority house while I was in town on business.  I wanted to see the renovations and get a quick glimpse at what has been happening at the house, it has been 15 years since I pledged.  I didn’t realize the girls were having a meeting and getting ready for recruitment of their new class of sisters.  I was invited to impart some quick words of wisdom on the girls.

I walked into the room and sat in the back, trying to blend (but, really who am I kidding?! I’m 33 and wearing business clothes, they are 19 and 20 and wearing cute tanks – but I digress).   I sat in the back and took in the room.  I saw beautiful faces paying attention to the girl who, I am assuming, is a graduating senior.  I saw a few girls whispering to each other and few more exchanges silly faces.  All in all I saw the faces of my sisters.  The girl who was standing was reading a story about sisterhood and what it meant to her.   Eerily (or maybe because I’m emotional) this girl looked JUST like Emily who read a very similar story when I was rushing.  They could have been twins! (Ok, maybe not, but the story, the room, the memories, it brought me right back to listening to Emily’s story and her reading a Maya Angelou poem in the formal in 1997).

Filled with lots of memories and even more emotion, it was my turn to speak to the girls.  No pressure right!?

I started by giving them a pep talk about how unique they are.  I encouraged them to spend the next week finding out what makes their house different compared to all of the other houses on campus.  Every sorority has a formal, hay ride and cute dates at the date functions.  I urged the girls to figure out what makes their sisterhood unique.  To seek new members that fit the sisterhood, not the events.  My brain quickly turned to lazy Sunday mornings sitting in the TV room surrounded by sisters debating which one of us was going to have to drive to Publix to pick up the sub order.  These days my Sundays are generally spent sipping coffee, watching morning TV and checking Facebook to see where my sisters are and what they are up to on their Sunday with their families.   My emotional self then turned to memories of getting ready for a night out, of fighting for a spot in front of the Hall Mirror and borrowing the curling iron, flat iron and even at times the crimping iron.  Silly as it sounds; I told the girls how much I missed those nights getting ready with 40 or so other girls. 

The girl who spoke before me talked about how she just knew her sisters were going to be there for her forever – she referenced her graduation and her wedding.  Yes sister, they will be there for your wedding.  But more than being a bridesmaid your sisters will be there for when you lose your first job and are afraid to tell your parents, when you have your first fight with your mother in law and you have no idea how to tell your husband, when you decide that your boyfriend, roommate, job, family, kids, and friends are all too much and you just can’t take it anymore – your sisters will be there for you in those times when you are growing up, grieving, and just plain dealing with life.

My colleagues once asked me why I stay in touch so much with my sorority sisters?  My answer was – they are the people who I can be me around.  Just me.  No explaining, no pretending, no makeup, no brand names, no titles and no meetings.   Sisters are the people in your life who met you, loved you and continue to love you no matter what. 

I didn’t have the time to explain all of this to the girls last night.  Honestly, I didn’t want to burst their bubbles.  They are full of hopes and dreams and to them the most important times ahead are formal and hayride and even a wedding.  I trust that they will pick the most amazing sisters to join their chapter this year, and I know that they will have the most spectacular school year ahead.

More importantly, I know that when they come back 15 years after they pledge they will have the best sisters and friends a girl could ever ask for.

“This here’s a tale for all the fellas tryin to do what those ladies tell us…”

I’ve been sitting here trying to come up with something to blog about. Apparently I’ve been kind of boring.  My little man suggested I blog about football, but since we are still in pre-season and I haven’t caught a game yet, I decided to postpone that blog.  However, one subject that needs to be addressed is “How to have a good first date”.  I am sending this as a shout out to my guy friends, hoping to impart a little wisdom on you as well as save the girls you go out with the headache of dealing with what I’ve already dealt with.  Here it goes: (all of these have happened to me or a very good friend of mine – I promise, I don’t make this stuff up)

1.    Don’t pick the restaurant then open the conversation by saying “I heard this place got shut down for having such a gross kitchen”.  
2.    Don’t ask a girl how much she makes.  When she answers “enough to be comfortable and pay my bills”, don’t ask – but really how much do you make?!
3.    Don’t ask the girl to split the bill.  If you picked the date, the place, the drinks and the food then don’t ask the girl to pay.  If she offers to pay and you are short on cash, say “yes, let’s split it”, but if you really want to impress the girl just pay for her.  I promise it will make a good impression.
4.    Don’t take her to a chain restaurant.  (OK, this is where my friends and I disagree.  Since I live where there are tons of independent restaurants and fun places to try I think you should at least try a new spot.  But, if you live in the middle of nowhere and Bob Evans is the ONLY place, then ok, you get a pass.  Other than that – stay away from chains! They don’t show your personality and are a no go.)
5.    Don’t recite poetry – ever – period.  Sorry, I just can’t ever see a place for poetry on a first date.  It is creepy and makes your date uncomfortable.
6.    If you meet her online; don’t ask her where she lives.  It is ok to ask about what town, but don’t ask the street, corner, address, house style, etc.  Don’t ask to pick her up and when she says no, insist.  The reason she met you online is because she wants to remain a bit anonymous, if she likes you, you will see her place soon enough.
7.     Don’t double book.  Of course we are all very busy, but booking back to back dates and pushing one along faster is rude.  We all know if the date isn’t working out well.  Just drink you drink, pay the bill and move on.
8.   Don’t check out other girls at the bar.  Of course you are single and ready to mingle, that is the reason you are ON a date.  But trying to make eye contact and flirting with the bartenders is a total turnoff for any girl.
9.  Smell good.  (Do I really need to go into this?)  Actually, I do.  Please shower and deodorize before going on a date.  You don’t need to shave, iron, or tuck in your shirt.  But please put a bit of effort into smelling good. 
10.   Don’t go on a date if you aren’t over your last relationship.  Sure, we all need to get back in the saddle, man up and try again. But maybe find a rebound at a bar?  Girls put a lot of effort into dates.  I know we make it seem effortless. We get all flirty and breezy and pretend we have always had our cute dress, hair perfectly done, nails manicured and things waxed.  Let me tell you the truth – we’ve thought about this date since the minute it was booked.  We researched the menu at the restaurant, we plotted our parking spot and route to the front door, we called our friends and formulated the perfect outfit, we spent hours at the salon, highlighting, low lighting, trimming, waxing, buffing, and scrubbing.  We’ve invested a ton of cash into our new makeup; purchased the perfect tummy slimming, leg lengthening, cellulite hiding undergarments.  We’ve purchased a new bra with just the right amount of push up to show the perfect bit of cleavage.  We haven’t eaten in days, we’ve done double time at the gym, and we took off ½ day of work to be perfect for our date.  So, please don’t waste our time.  We are worthy of a great man and we expect you to give 100% to our date.

I can’t promise these rules are foolproof since all of us ladies are different.  But I do promise that if you do your best to follow them you will be able to Bust a Move….

1. A little Young MC wisdom for you