A few years back when I was catapulted into Singlemomdom I read an article written by a single mom about how to date a single mom. At the time I read it, some of it stuck, but the rest was too much for me. It turns out that she really knew what she was talking about and I wish I had saved her number because I feel as if we could have some great conversations. Below is a list of how to date a single mom, it is not fool proof, nor does it apply to all single moms. However, it will help the guy get a leg up in the game of romance with a single mom. (Don’t worry I have another blog for another day on how to be a single mom that dates….)
1. Realize our time is limited and needs to be respected. Sorry, it is just the facts. Single moms can be a great catch. We tend to be sensitive, caring, and have that ‘mommy’ instinct already kicked up into high gear. However, you will need to plan a date in advance with a single mom. Yes, you can catch us on our weekend away from the kiddos and we can join you for a quick getaway, but most of the time our free time is scheduled and planned. Please plan accordingly and try your best to book a date with us in advance. We don’t want to say no to the quick cup of coffee or trip to the ice cream parlor, but we have some more responsibilities than the average girl.
2. Understand that a date out with you costs us money. Yes, we want to spend time with you and get to know you, but we also need to book a babysitter. The going rate is about $10/hour for one child, so as we show up for our date with you we are already adding up the costs of the night. At least offer to buy our drinks or dinner.
3. To go along with the previous two items, it takes us an entire village to coordinate a night out. We have to get the kids picked up, fed, homework done and in bed. We’ve coordinated babysitters, dog walkers, and car pool. Please don’t text us at the last minute to cancel. We want to spend time with you and don’t complain about the effort it takes us to get to you, but a text message right before you are supposed to show up is just plain wrong.
4. We aren’t looking for an instant daddy for our kids. Yes, if things go well and time progresses it may work out that you are in contention for the step daddy role, but really, just date us. Don’t bring toys for our kids – bring flowers for the mom. Don’t take us on play dates to the park – take us to hot night spots most mommies don’t get to go to. We know we are a mom and we love that role, but try to get to know us before impressing our children.
5. Understand that our parts might not be as tight as they once were – and complement them. Pregnancy and labor, no matter what kind of shape your body is in, takes a toll on a body. Things shift, sag, stretch and move around. We know it and we work every day to get our body back to its starting place. Please appreciate us for what we are, and tell us we look beautiful. A single mom may not get whistled at, stared at or flirted with that often since we tend to be toting around our little preschool friends. So help a sister out and tell us we are looking fine.
6. Don’t pretend we don’t have kids. (OK, I know in #4 I say don’t bring toys for our kid) It’s a balancing act. Ask about our kids, one or two questions about who has them or what they are up to is fine. You don’t need to get too involved, but also, don’t pretend they don’t exist.
7. If you aren’t up to dating a single mom and we freak you out – tell us. We don’t take it personally. We have kids, we know it. Not everyone is cool with that. Just tell us and move on. Don’t waste our time. As mentioned previously, our time is valuable.
8. Know that you won’t always be #1 and our attention will be divided. As much as we want to give 110% to you and our new relationship, at times we can’t. Our kids get sick; have homework and stuff we need to be a part of. If you can’t take being in the backseat of our lives every now and then, just keep moving on.
9. Relax and have fun with us. Really – dating a single mom shouldn’t be any harder than dating a non mom. Just be honest, be on time and have fun with us! We are probably more apt to be will to try new things, hearing the latest band, drinking shots on dates, staying out late and partying like we are 21. You got to realize 6 days out of the week we are responsible, you can take us out and let us lose our responsibilities for a few hours!
