How does your last year look?

Last night I was having dinner with a friend and we were reflecting on our past year.  She mentioned that she wasn’t really in the holiday mood and was pretty much looking forward to 2012 being over.   She told me that she started off last year dating a new guy, moving into a new apartment and excited about her job.  But she is ending the year not dating anyone, frustrated at her noisy neighbors and overworked and underpaid at her job.   When you look at your life in such a way as that I guess she had a point.

Which led me to think about my past year…(if this were a sitcom I would insert some music and make the screen fuzzy to insinuate time travel)….

At this time last year I was starting a new job that WAY underpaid me (but it was a job so I took it!), living with my son at my parents’ house, driving a car that didn’t belong to me (thanks Mom and Dad!) and probably not dating anyone (Ok, sorry about  not know this last fact, but I truly don’t remember my relationship status, which leads me to believe no one of value was in my life at the time).

So here I am in a job that pays well (thank you holiday bonus!), driving a new car I pay for, living in a house I rent and still not dating anyone of mention… If you compare apples to apples, or oranges to oranges, or whatever the heck you want to compare my past year was pretty good!

But I digress… while discussing our success and/or failure of 2012 my friend and I came up with as Oprah would say an “AHA! Moment.”   Basically I think you can determine your attitude about yourself and your past year if you measure it against a goal.  Last year about this time my only goals were to pay my bills and not fight with my mom over turning lights on and off in the house – she is a consistent “Turn the lights off” person and I tend to be a “leave a light on for someone” person.  As you may imagine our lighting philosophies tended to lead to some royal battles.   So I started this year with reasonably attainable goals.  Once I started accomplishing these little goals I was able to really start enjoying my year; new job!  New friends! New travels! New dates! A few bad dates! (Ok, they get explanation points too because, let’s be real, my dating life is HILARIOUS at times) and on and on my list went with new things.

I decided last night that my goal in life (at this moment) is to be a good mom.  Really, simply, that is it.  I have a job that allows me to put my Little Man first.  I have friends who know my son is my priority and I only will date people who understand that as well.  Sure, my long term goals will be to retire wealthy, buy a beach house and travel to Europe.  Of course my professional goals are to get promoted, be recognized as a leader and contribute to our society.  However, for 2013 my one simple goal is to be a good mom and I am happy to say that I am 100% committed to the task. 

As for my friend?   I am not yet sure what her 2013 goals are but I may suggest finding a new place to live as her neighbors really are noisy!

Les Miles, Testicles and One Baby

One day a few years ago my ex-husband arrived at the YMCA to coach our son’s Tee Ball Team.  Most people would think “Oh, that is so sweet”  Nope.  He arrived wearing a bright purple LSU T-shirt with big YELLOW Letters stating “Got Lesticles?”  Umm.. Ok, for one I get the pun, Les Miles, Testicles, Lesticles as in relation to the daring plays the LSU coach calls. However nowhere in America is it ever ok to walk around wearing a shirt like that.  I mean, really?  Who wears that?! And moreover, who wears that to the YMCA Tee ball game?  Needless to say, I asked  him not to wear the shirt anymore.

 Fast forward a few more years to my house last week.  My little man is sitting on the toilet doing his thing, and for some reason likes to keep the door open and have conversations with whoever may be in ear shot. 

“Mom” I hear him say.  “What are these things called again?”  Oh no! I think, what in the world can he be talking about?  The mind of a 7 year old is always an adventure.   

“What things buddy?” I ask him.  “These things, they are testicles right?” 

 OH LORD, NOT THIS CONVERSATION!!  

 “Yes, that’s what they are” I yell from the other room.  “But what do they do?” he asks. 

 CRAP! Why can’t he have these conversations at his dad’s house?  “Um, Buddy they are for when you want to have a baby” I reply.  “But, I have two of them?” he asks.  “Yep, you should have two” I reply.  “But, what if I only want one baby?  I don’t need both of them right?”  “Umm, guess not buddy” I reply. 

 OH BOY! I am NOT ready for the birds and the bees talk yet.

 A few hours later we are sitting around the dinner table with my Mom and Dad.  My Mom loves me and really loves my little man, but every now and then she will question my parenting style, and in my defense my little man doesn’t do much to help my rep out.  For instance my little man loves to take off his clothes and shock my mom, usually he accompanies his nakedness with a song or a little dance – something that will certainly gain a few laughs from the crowd and deep stares from my Mom.  Or he will take on a new accent and style of dress, most popular but also most frustrating for my mom is when Sam gets all ‘ghetto’ on her and turns his head in just a certain way and pulls his pants just far enough down for some sag. 

So, here we are at dinner, enjoying a nice meal when my little man decides to be funny.  He tilts his hat, rolls up his sleeves, and pulls his pants low (Think Bieber at the AMA’s) stands up at the table, throws some sort of gang sign and decides in his most ghettorific voice to ask my mom if she has “Lesticles”.

Really?! Crap!  How the H.E. L. L. did my little man learn about “Lesticles”? 

That shirt was banned from my existence three years ago!  Moreover, why did he decide to bust a move at the dinner table and challenge my Mom to a duel of Lesticles?   He’s all poofed up and proud of himself with his new word and tough guy persona and my mom just sat there giving me the eye.

Let’s just say that I had Sam sit down, poured myself a large glass of wine and prayed he would ask his father about the birds and the bees.

Lessons of Little League

We all know that sometimes parents take the fun out of things.  Or, maybe it is that parents end up having so much fun they forget that they are the parents and not the kids?

I noticed this recently at the little league field.  To be honest, I could have a blog entitled – I saw it at little league as there is a ton of juicy stuff I could write about it there.  Anyway, I digress…

Last week my little man’s team was playing the undefeated team – translation –this was a tough game for the 7 year olds.  We (See I’m already doing the parent fan club thing, using the ‘we’ to describe the team)…  We started the game off great! One kid had a double, and then a few of our kids had home runs. It was a really exciting game from the stands.  The score rose and rose until it was 16-13 us.  Then the other team got two runs and two outs and bases loaded.  My little man was at pitcher. (For all of you non little league readers it means he was standing next to the coach who was pitching)  The kid version gets to wear a big helmet and stand on the mound and play defense, but the coach does the actual pitching.  So there we are, Little Man on the mound, other team’s coach pitching, 2 outs, down by 1 run, bases loaded – and No, I am not making this up.  Just as the coach goes to pitch the ball, my little man yelled something like “go team”.  I’m not so sure why he yelled at the moment, but he did.  Well, this little yell set off a firestorm from the opposing coach.  He yelled at the Umpire, yelled at my little man, yelled at our coach, just basically threw a fit that a kid could yell during his pitching.  Our coach yelled back at the other coach, the umpire calmed it all down and the game when on.  The next pitch, the batter hit and the ball flew right into my little man’s glove.  He caught the last out and the game was over! Everyone cheered and the parents gossiped about the actions of the other coaches.

When we got home that night I asked my little man if he was upset about the coaches yelling and stopping the game.  I was thinking he might be embarrassed or nervous about playing pitcher again.  His response?  “Mom, I have no idea what was going on.  My helmet is so big, I can’t see anything and it covers my ears too so I can’t hear.”  Well, where you excited to catch the winning ball? I asked.  “Mom, I just put out my glove like I was supposed to.”  Good point little man – just do what you are supposed to, stay in position, where your gear and have fun.  Maybe the parents should learn a little lesson from you?

His next game was Saturday.  I didn’t make it, but I heard they got crushed 21-4.  Yesterday I asked him about his game.  “It was awesome mom! We had so much fun!” he said.  I said, really?  What was the score?  He replied “we lost like 10-2, but whatever, it was fun….”

Thank the Lord I'm Single...

There is no denying it, being divorced or single sometimes really sucks.  It just does.  There are certain days of the year that are harder than others.  There are the obvious days likes Valentine’s, Christmas and the worry about the New Year’s Eve kiss.  Days that include reunions, couples’ nights out and weddings tend to be rather hard.  There are also less known days that tug at your heart strings like your child’s first day of school, first home run, first date, etc. that can really bug the single mom.  But with all of the “wish you were here” moments there are plenty more of “thank the LORD I’m single moments.”

A few of my favorite moments are below.  Please feel free to share and add your thoughts. I am sure this list can grow and grow.

1.        Being able find your stuff because you put it somewhere and no one else is there to move it.  You can always find your keys, favorite sweatshirt and the paperwork you need.

2.       Being able to eat your favorite Halloween candy from the kid’s bags and not having to share with anyone else.

3.       Being able to use ALL of the closets in your house for your stuff.  You don’t need to share the space and your clothing doesn’t need to get wrinkled because it is cramped in between suits and baseball equipment.

4.       Finding the toilet seat down.

5.       Knowing when it is the last of the toilet paper, toothpaste, bath soap and so one because you were the only one to use it.

6.       Putting leftovers in the refrigerator and knowing they will be there in the a.m.

7.       Being able to dedicate the extra closet in the guest room to your shoe collection (or whatever collection you may have)

8.       Any day you don’t have to deal with In Laws, and if they call, you DON’T have to answer the phone, cause hey! their child isn’t there anymore

9.       Seeing your ex dressed in any kind of strange, mismatched outfit and knowing you don’t have to sit next to him, or even pretend that you know him.

10.   When your child does something bad at school, having the ability to say he learned it at “The Other House”

11.   When your child wakes up in the morning and you are the first person they run to with a big hug and kiss.

12.   Being able to make a decision because it is was YOU want and not what someone else wants.

13.   Buying whatever you want when you want and knowing you don’t need to tell anyone about the cost of it.

14.   Being able to stock your house with your food and drink of choice, no compromising necessary.

15.   Knowing you only have to go to one family’s festivities for any given holiday.

16.   Being the one your child turns to when they fall down, feel sad or just need a hug.

17.   Being able to do whatever you want when you want with whomever you want.

Sister Wife

I am not a polygamist nor do I live in Utah, but I do have what I sometimes refer to as a sister wife.  She is the wife of my ex husband, also known as a step mom, step monster, and in some circles the ‘devil’. But in my world, I like my sister wife and I do everything I can to keep her happy. 

Some people think I’m crazy.  Why would anyone want to get along with their ex husband’s new wife?  I’ve heard all of the reasons about how she is the one he left me for, she is the one who caused trouble, she did this, and she did that.  Honestly – I don’t care. I don’t blame anyone else for the breakdown of my marriage – it was my fault, it was his fault, it’s over – move on.

And with that moving on attitude, I’ll explain why I like my sister wife.

For starters, she and I have more in common than anyone else on this planet.  Let’s face it – we both raise my son, we help with his homework, wash his clothes and clean up his boo boos. We both have to deal with the same crazy schedule my ex husband has, rotate our family holidays to accommodate our son’s schedule, share the same crazy mother in law/grandma, and we both slept with the same man.  We definitely have a lot in common.

Honestly, I think I scored in the sister wife department.  One thing might be small to you, but HUGE to a boy is she loves water parks and roller coasters. Me, I hate them.  She LOVES them and actually asks to take my kiddo on extra trips to Disney just to go on the giant crazy water slides. Small to you – HUGE to me. Check one for Sister Wife!

Two – she doesn’t work.   I often have the guilt of a working mom. Not so much with my sister wife around. When my son has a field trip and I can’t go because of a work meeting – she goes.  When he is home sick and I can’t stay home – she does.  When I have a date and can’t find a sitter – she kid sits.  Check two for sister wife!

Three - I never wanted my son to be an only child.  She and my ex have one daughter and will be having their second any day now.  I get the best of both worlds.  I don’t have to raise another child and he gets sisters – Check three for sister wife!

Four - she puts up with my ex husband and all of his crazy… Enough said – check four for sister wife!

I’m not going to say our relationship has been all roses and sunshine – it hasn’t. We’ve had our share of blow ups and arguments. But, at the end of the day we learned a few things.  First we both care about our little man and second, we both get mad at her husband equally!

What Mom's Can't Do...

My son has a book that is called “What Mom’s Can’t Do.”  It mentions things like Mom’s can’t keep lizards in their pockets, can’t give quick hellos/goodbyes, and can’t eat frosted flakes for breakfast.  Lately I feel as if the author left out some important pages of “What Mom’s Can’t Do.”

Yesterday I was sitting at my desk updating my calendar of to-dos, when an email popped up on my screen from Coach Chris – our now infamous baseball coach who insists on ten push-ups and ten sit-ups a night.  The subject was protection – Not Helmets, Not Sex Ed, but a CUP.  What the!?  He would like all parents to make sure their little men where their cups from now on at practice.  Ok.  I think to myself, I can do this.  But first, how does one by a cup?   Is there a size chart?  A tape measure?  Do you think the lady at Victoria Secrets who sizes me can do the same for a cup?  Once I am able to get a cup, what do I actually do with it? How does it stay in place?  There aren’t any strings or fasteners.  And then I fast forward to the obvious Mom question – how do you wash it?  UGH!

I am sure this subject has been tackled before and the questions I raise are not unique.  But, where is the Mommy book on subjects like these?  There are moms all over the world whose Daddy counterparts are working, in the military, secret agents, deadbeats, what have you.  Moms are single handedly raising little men and we need a HOW TO BOOK!

A few other suggestions I have for a how to book on raising a boy.

1.        Skateboarding 101.  My theory on skateboarding was start them young, so if and when he falls on the ground he is much closer and therefore the impact wouldn’t be as rough.  It was a good theory and kind of worked, however I have no clue how to skate board.  How did my son learn?  I borrowed every kid in the neighborhood, boyfriend of my girlfriends, and generally pleaded with people at the park to teach him.  Sometimes it just takes a village…

2.       Surfing/Riding the waves.  I found the most fantastic surf instructor ever. But, did not realize that if you are 4 and take a break of a few months in between lessons, you may develop a fear of the waves.  So, one particularly choppy day my bikini clad body was forced to swim out to sea and ride a few waves in to show my little man that it wasn’t all that scary.  Honestly – I was scared to death! It was cold! I fell a lot, and I hate seaweed.  However, when you are the only parent around you have to suck it up and jump on a board and smile your way into your wipeout.

3.       Pee standing up.  Ok, this is where I draw the demonstration line.  I relied on some creative parenting skills here.  Drop a few Fruit Loops in the commode and teach your little man to aim.

On the last pages of “What Moms Can’t Do” the book ends with saying “What one thing Mom’s CAN do is LOVE YOU.” And yes, that is true.  It is because of love that I will happily go out and buy my son a cup… 

A little perspective

This evening my little man had a complete and total meltdown.  I haven’t seen the sight of such drama since the terrible threes (authors note: threes were 1,000 times harder than the terrible twos).  Anyway, he was melting down like a nuclear reactor.  Every little thing set him off.

“Please pick up your shoe” = complete screaming for 2 minutes

“Please take a shower” = screaming, slamming doors, jumping on beds combined with pure yelling and rage for about 5 minutes

“Please put on your pjs” = screaming, tears, mean faces and ‘you are the worst mommy ever’ for about 8 minutes

Finally, I got him cleaned, dressed and in bed.  As he was lying down and finally able to talk I asked him what was wrong.  His response; “Mom, I’ve had a really long day with a lot to do.  First grade is very busy and much harder than what you do all day.  I’m tired and don’t feel like dealing with anything right now.”   

Good point little man.  Learning new things in a new place is really hard.  I forgot about the uncomfortable feelings you get from a new classroom, new teachers, new cafeteria, new baseball team and new coaches.  He was right.  Being 6 today was a lot harder than anything I had to deal with at home or work.