Dumping Daddy

Daddy Ball and when Daddy isn’t wanted anymore

Let me start by saying that there is nothing better than seeing a parent volunteer to coach their child in his or her sport.  I worked at the YMCA for many years and youth sports programs can’t run without caring parents who volunteer to teach young people how to kick a ball, throw a spiral or bunt a bat.  However there comes a time when young athletes outgrow their parent and ultimately have to break up. 

For our family the break up happened around age 10.  Let me start the story when Samuel was 3.  Three seemed to be a little young to play sports, but Sam was athletic, and like I said before I worked at the Y, so I was able to sort of get Sam started early.  Our first venture was t-ball.  My village at the time all participated in coaching.  Sam’s Dad stood at first base, my boyfriend at 2^nd base, my Dad at 3^rd base, and of course me sitting down with the parents behind home plate.   Sam LOVED having all of his favorite people with him.  He would run the bases and high five each person who was coaching that section.  He loved hearing advice from his Dad or my Dad. The games were short (AMEN for T-ball!) and we had a great time.

After we graduated T-ball and ventured into Little League Sam’s dad still volunteered as a coach, but Pop Pop and I stayed in the stands, no comment as to what happened to that boyfriend.  Little league was great because there were more kids to meet, more dads to coach and “real” umpires to work the games.  By around age 8/9 when Sam started pitching we figured out his Dad was a really good pitching coach.  He would work with Sam at home and always helped the other kids out at the fields.  Sam definitely looked up to him for pitching advice and had eyes to be ‘just like Dad’ as far as baseball was concerned.

(Notice boyfriend and ex husband both cut out of this photo)

We joined a travel team and the competition got better, the games got tenser and the coaches’ voices got a lot louder.    What used to be a quick 45 minute game one day a week was turning into six to eight hours at a ball park or an all weekend marathon of baseball.  At this point the boys were getting nervous in the dugout, the coaches were talking strategy and the umpires are getting paid to be at these games.  The tension in the air was slowly getting thicker and I started seeing less smiles on Sam’s face. We were all prepared for more serious baseball and excited to be in a better league. However the tension, yelling, nail biting and fighting with umpires was getting pretty intense.  During one particular game when Sam was on the mound you could hear his Dad criticize each pitch from the dugout. A lightbulb went off for me!  His Daddy as the pitching coach was a bad combination.  I truly don’t remember if we won the game or lost the game. However I do remember driving home in the car.  Sam never cries about sports- ever.  However this particular night in a mix between anger and sadness he blurted out to me that he “didn’t’ want Daddy to coach him anymore.”  He had said the game wasn’t fun anymore and he wanted baseball to be something fun with his dad. 
 I was so proud of Sam and told him he needed to tell his Daddy.   We called his Dad and he told him his wishes. I am not going to lie; it was tough on all of us.  The next day Sam’s Dad came to the game and sat in the stands for the rest of the tournament.  We decided that as much as they both loved to share baseball, the coaching/player relationship was too much for them.   We found a travel team led by coaches who don’t have children on the team and realized that Sam responded really well to their energy and instruction.  Sam still plays Little League and loves all of the volunteer Dads that coach in the system.  His Dad will be a practice coach, pitching coach and work with Sam whenever he needs.  The balance of both has led to a great relationship for him and his Dad.  However, he won’t be calling pitches from the dugout.

Little League Champs 2016!

Sorority Life

The other morning I was texting with 2 of my Sorority Sisters.  My little man asked me who I was texting.  I told him that it was Aunt Katy and Aunt Jess.  He looked confused (as I only have one biological sister). 

I told him that we were sorority sisters and again he had a puzzled look on his face.  “What IS that Mom?” he asked.    Well, I said Mommy had a lot of friends in college and all of the girls were in a Sorority.  We lived in a house and had a lot of fun together.  “Wow, that must be a big house!” he said.

Yes, I told him, we had a big house, and a house mom who made sure the house was taken care of and cooked for us and we all had meals together.   “Whoa!” he said.  “I want one of those!”

I just sat there stunned.  (What does he think I do all day?)

I replied, Little Man you DO have one of those.  I am the MOM and that’s what I do. 

“I guess so Mom, but I really want to be in a Sorority when I go to college.”

I took a deep breathe,

replied…

let me tell you about Fraternities.

A little coffee talk....

“Mom, do you think that machine can switch to Louisiana language?”

I never know what is going to come out of my Little Man’s mouth and this morning I was totally confused.

This past weekend I finally entered the modern world and got a Keurig.   Ok, to be honest, I was at a fundraising auction and there was one that not many people were bidding on.  Yes, I realize this is because EVERYONE on the planet already has a Keurig and I am behind the times.  Anyway, for the sake of charity I bought a Keurig. 

It turns out that I bought a super deluxe version of the little coffee genius.  (True confession, I am deeply in love with my shiny metal best friend that lives on my kitchen counter).  My Keurig is amazing!  It keeps the water hot – not like the old model in my office.  It has 8 settings for sizes of cups, yes 8 options!  And while your delicious hot beverage is brewing it plays a little movie of coffee and the hills of Jamaica or wherever coffee is grown.

So, this little contraption is now the center of my Little Man’s world in the morning.  He eagerly makes me a cup of Joe.  I can’t figure out if he likes pressing the buttons or watching the movie more, but either way I am NOT going to complain.

Since my son is ever so observant he read every button and screen on the digital display.  There is a screen that says “Española” and “François”.  He asked what that meant, I told him that was for people who would prefer to read in either Spanish or French.  He was cool with that answer, added milk to my coffee and went about his morning.

A few minutes later, as he was getting dressed for school he asks me, “Mom, does that thing show you Louisiana language?”  I told him that people from Louisiana speak English or some natives speak French.  “No Mommy, they don’t.  They speak Louisiana.”  I was a bit confused about what he meant.  He said “well mommy they spell ‘go’ funny like ‘geaux’, but they don’t mess with ‘Tiger’ because everyone knows you can’t change ‘Tiger’. 

Oh dear!  The joys of raising an LSU fan in Florida…..

I guess moms can be embarrassing too.

 I have always been the type of mom who makes sure my Little Man is dressed nicely, is polite and well behaved.  Since I am a single mom who works full time my Little Man often tags along with me to work events and community projects I am a part of.  I’ve always stressed manners and have taught him to make good impressions on people (I mean really, I don’t want to be the lady with the kid who looks like a hobo and has runs around like a crazy kid!) 

Apparently over this last week my son has noticed that having his mom around is not the coolest thing.

Exhibit 1: I pick him up at the school office.  Little Man comes down to the office and the secretary, teacher and other moms all talk about how “cute” and “adorable” my Little Man is.  They go on and on about his blue eyes, his smile and his manners.  Of course as a Mom I eat this up. Little Man just stares at me giving me the stink eye.

Exhibit 2:  I take Little Man with me to the office holiday BBQ.  My coworker brought his boys so Little Man is happily swimming and playing with the other kids.  It was getting time to leave and I noticed that my Little Man had HUGE grass stains on his pants.  “Little Man” I yell, “Come over here” I then proceed to tell him that we are going to his Pop Pop’s Holiday Party and he can’t be dirty.  He looks at me, gives me the eye and whispers “Can’t you just call him Granddad?”  His attitude was like a little gangster who just got called out in front of his crew- he was so frustrated with me for using “baby” words and pointing out his good clothes got dirty.  Oops!

Exhibit 3:  We have a few high school and college boys who live on our street.  Little Man likes to play catch with them when they are home on break.  The other night he got all dressed and ready to play, but unfortunately the boys had to go inside.  Not to let my Little Man be disappointed, I volunteered to play catch.  (Side note: One random thing I can do pretty well is throw a football.)  So there we are,  out in the front of the house tossing the ball and I am coaching my Little Man on the best way to throw a spiral.  “Straight like this,” and “stop throwing high, just aim here.”  Little Man kept looking behind him and over his shoulder, glancing up the street.  I couldn’t figure out what his deal was.  Then I heard it “I can’t believe I’m learning football from a girl!” 

Duh! My Little Man was embarrassed that his Mom was playing with him AND was good at it.

Well Little Man, lesson learned for both of us.  I will do my best to stop being embarrassing and you do your best to keep hanging out with me.

No women really like showers.

Truth: No women really like showers. 

No, I am not talking about hot steamy with your man showers, we ALL like those. And I am not talking about the daily ritual of cleaning yourself showers, we all need those.  I’m speaking about the kind you have in the middle of a perfectly decent Saturday afternoon, they usually follow the words “baby” or “wedding”.  Dear Lord, all women DREAD those showers.

I have to be honest, well it is my blog, and honesty IS my policy, but I hate showers!  I have planned them, attended them and even been the guest of honor at them.  I still just can’t get excited about them. 

First of all, I have no idea why men aren’t invited and properly guilted into attending?  Why is it assumed that women are the only ones that want to spend their day with their friend, watching her open presents, discussing the intricate details of either the wedding cake or the best breast pump? I am sure some men would love to sit around and chat it up about things like colors for the flowers and whether the new parents should use a diaper genie or cloth diapers.

The second thing I don’t really get about showers is why the planners insist on them being at the most awkward time in the middle of the weekend?  Don’t we all have busy lives and save up all of our errands and family things for Saturday or Sunday?  Where was it written that showers must be in the middle of the day and last for hours?  Why don’t we have a happy hour shower?  Or a dinner party shower? 

Lately I have noticed (thanks to Facebook) that people are going all over the top crazy with their shower themes.  It used to be that you got a little card in the mail with the fill in the blank…
“Let’s all shower with love:_________.  On_____ at ____.  ____ is registered at_____”  easy invite. 

Not much fuss.  You knew the decorations were probably going to be either white for a wedding and pink or blue for a baby.   I blame Pinterest for the invasion of shower party planner craziness.  Now invites arrive in handmade boxes with ribbons, guests are encouraged to dress a part, and everything is themed and matched just perfectly for the special day.   As a party planning fan, I am all in favor of creativity and a good theme.  I am just a bit scared to see what the first birthday party will be like if the baby shower is already over the top!

Finally, my last reason I don’t care for showers is the whole “watch the person open the present thing”.  It is awkward.  No matter what end you are participating in it is weird.  When my family and friends threw me a surprise baby shower I was so grateful for the wonderful people who came to wish us well with the new baby.  But, the hard part was feigning excitement when you are opening your 30^th box of new born diapers, or getting hand washable nipple guards. (Yes, they exist)  More uncomfortable is being the gift giver and sitting patiently through the bride or new mom opening one present after the other, reading the card out loud, passing it around and the oooing and aweing over each little sock, picture frame and teething ring. 

I am not going to put down all showers.  Sometimes they are great way to catch up with old friends and family you only see on the shower/wedding/funeral circuit.  Also they can be great learning environments - you never know when someone may need you to make a wedding gown out of toilet paper or a bouquet out of old ribbons!

Sisters For Life

The other night I stopped by my old Sorority house while I was in town on business.  I wanted to see the renovations and get a quick glimpse at what has been happening at the house, it has been 15 years since I pledged.  I didn’t realize the girls were having a meeting and getting ready for recruitment of their new class of sisters.  I was invited to impart some quick words of wisdom on the girls.

I walked into the room and sat in the back, trying to blend (but, really who am I kidding?! I’m 33 and wearing business clothes, they are 19 and 20 and wearing cute tanks – but I digress).   I sat in the back and took in the room.  I saw beautiful faces paying attention to the girl who, I am assuming, is a graduating senior.  I saw a few girls whispering to each other and few more exchanges silly faces.  All in all I saw the faces of my sisters.  The girl who was standing was reading a story about sisterhood and what it meant to her.   Eerily (or maybe because I’m emotional) this girl looked JUST like Emily who read a very similar story when I was rushing.  They could have been twins! (Ok, maybe not, but the story, the room, the memories, it brought me right back to listening to Emily’s story and her reading a Maya Angelou poem in the formal in 1997).

Filled with lots of memories and even more emotion, it was my turn to speak to the girls.  No pressure right!?

I started by giving them a pep talk about how unique they are.  I encouraged them to spend the next week finding out what makes their house different compared to all of the other houses on campus.  Every sorority has a formal, hay ride and cute dates at the date functions.  I urged the girls to figure out what makes their sisterhood unique.  To seek new members that fit the sisterhood, not the events.  My brain quickly turned to lazy Sunday mornings sitting in the TV room surrounded by sisters debating which one of us was going to have to drive to Publix to pick up the sub order.  These days my Sundays are generally spent sipping coffee, watching morning TV and checking Facebook to see where my sisters are and what they are up to on their Sunday with their families.   My emotional self then turned to memories of getting ready for a night out, of fighting for a spot in front of the Hall Mirror and borrowing the curling iron, flat iron and even at times the crimping iron.  Silly as it sounds; I told the girls how much I missed those nights getting ready with 40 or so other girls. 

The girl who spoke before me talked about how she just knew her sisters were going to be there for her forever – she referenced her graduation and her wedding.  Yes sister, they will be there for your wedding.  But more than being a bridesmaid your sisters will be there for when you lose your first job and are afraid to tell your parents, when you have your first fight with your mother in law and you have no idea how to tell your husband, when you decide that your boyfriend, roommate, job, family, kids, and friends are all too much and you just can’t take it anymore – your sisters will be there for you in those times when you are growing up, grieving, and just plain dealing with life.

My colleagues once asked me why I stay in touch so much with my sorority sisters?  My answer was – they are the people who I can be me around.  Just me.  No explaining, no pretending, no makeup, no brand names, no titles and no meetings.   Sisters are the people in your life who met you, loved you and continue to love you no matter what. 

I didn’t have the time to explain all of this to the girls last night.  Honestly, I didn’t want to burst their bubbles.  They are full of hopes and dreams and to them the most important times ahead are formal and hayride and even a wedding.  I trust that they will pick the most amazing sisters to join their chapter this year, and I know that they will have the most spectacular school year ahead.

More importantly, I know that when they come back 15 years after they pledge they will have the best sisters and friends a girl could ever ask for.

Pin what?

I admit it – I don’t like Pinterest.

Ok, I said it.   Don’t judge me.

Let’s just say that I can’t keep up with the Pinterest Peer Pressure.  You know the pressure… you surf online, see your friends pinning things to their little personalized Pinterest boards.  You ooh and ahh over the uber cute cupcakes and the super fun peg boards they are going to make out of wine corks.   You wonder if their dinner that they pinned on their board actually turns out as good as it looks in the picture.   You imagine that they made their origami pinwheels while wearing the sassy new heels they pinned while sipping on their tropical drink that was pinned to their vacation board.

I’m sorry friends; I don’t care what your imagination holds.  I love you all, I do.  I hope that you all have houses that look exactly like the new house pin board you created and that your babies’ nursery turns out exactly like you pinned it to be.   But really, I can’t keep watching you Pin.

However, I can’t keep up.  I admit it.  I don’t have time to Pin (ok, well, I have time to Pin, but I have a job that doesn’t exactly allow me unlimited pinning).  I also have realized after reading every issue of Martha Stewart Magazine that I am not Martha.  Nope.  I burn myself every time I get within five feet of a glue gun and they have revoked my membership card at Michael’s Craft store.  I am not artsy or crafty.  I tried my hand at bedazzling once (Read past blog entry) and I really should just leave the crafts to crafters.

I see some of my friends Pin things that they want to purchase.  I get it – it is kind of like making a shopping list, but in public, for you, your friends and thousands of others to view, and without any coupons… That’s where you lose me Pinterest.  I might be all for using your service if you included a link to the online store, or maybe even a discount coupon.  But, really, just pinning a picture?  I’d rather get the catalog and at least be able to tear of the picture and tape it to my fridge, and then I could use it as a reminder of what bathing suit I’m trying to fit in.

I think Pinterest is leading its users to create unrealistic expectations.  Pinners (or whatever you call people who Pin) start pinning the most perfect image of whatever they look at.  For instance, my friend is planning a nursery.  She is pinning everything that is white and spotless and organized, every lotion has a cap on it, every toy is in a bin and there is no diaper pail in site.  Do you know how disappointed she will be when she realizes what a working nursery actually looks like?  – baby poo stains on everything, Crayola marks on walls and furniture, toys everywhere except in the extra cute monogrammed book box, and laundry haphazardly placed.  I’m not setting her up for failure – just a dose of reality.

Next I have friends who are pinning all kinds of awesome birthday party ideas.  Like being a parent and throwing the required kid birthday party isn’t stressful enough?  Now us Mommies can surf online and find the most perfect party ideas, share them with our friends and try to mimic the photo.   Really moms? Are you all crazy?  Why in the world would you post a picture of what you are expecting the party to look like?  That is just nuts! I’m all about surprising the guest.  Especially after I baked a Baby Einstein Caterpillar cake for my Little Man’s First Birthday, (homemade, green icing, lots of circles to the caterpillar) it was pretty awesome.  I went to the store and came home to a cake mess.   The dog had decided to be the taste tester and ate the darn thing!  So, thank the lord there was no Pinterest then.   I would have felt so much pressure to fulfill my Pinterest Picture Perfect Party.  Instead, I called Publix and convinced them they could make a Baby Einstein cake on a rush.  Emergency averted, no one was the wiser.

So friends, may I suggest making your life a bit easier? Less peer pressured and stress free… Stay off Pinterest!  Just cruise the internet like any normal internet viewer and get some good ideas.  Print some pictures off the net and move on.  Realize that no one’s house is as pretty as it is on Pinterest, and that no normal Mom can actually make every single item at their kid’s birthday party.  Just relax, enjoy the ride and call Publix when you need a cake.

We survived!

Last night I helped celebrate my friend’s little boy’s eighth birthday.  While we were checking in at Chuck E Cheese and ordering the requisite pizza and tokens, the cashier smiled at us and gave us the ‘single mom’s discount’.  (In all honesty, it was just a few extra tokens and three large soda cups) but we were excited that he recognized the fact that we were there, pulling off a birthday party for our little men and no daddy’s were around.

Author's note:  This is NOT a man bashing column today –more of a celebration of being a strong mommy. 

My friend lost her husband suddenly a few years ago. It was tragic. She was left with a little boy and a pre-teen girl and a lot of stress and uncertainty.  How the heck does one recover from losing the love of their life?  A bit after that my other friend ended up going through a very traumatic divorce and was struggling to hold it together for her little boys.  Meanwhile, I was sifting my way through single mommy hood and recovering from a bad relationship as well.  If you would have run into the three of us a few short years ago, you would have either run for cover or bought us a case of wine!

Through the power of sisterhood, womanhood and a few Xanax we rallied around each other.  We took turns holding one another up, babysitting each other’s kids when one mommy was just too tired, overwhelmed, or let’s face it – depressed to do it.  We were each other’s dates for Valentine’s Day.  We forced each other to get up and put on a cute dress and make up, and sometimes we had to remind each other to eat and hit the gym.  We took turns hugging each other’s kids, nursing boo boos and trying to fill in the gaps that were missing. 

Last night I smiled and laughed as I sat in the booth at Chuck E Cheese.  How the hell did we survive the last few years?  Now our kids are turning 8, 5, 4 and even one teenager.  They are all polite, healthy and loving little people.  I am not quite sure how we survived the last few years, but I sure am proud of what we have accomplished.  I am looking forward to more nights with our kids, a few glasses of wine and no more Xanax.

Great Expectations

Today my daily affirmation said to “let go of all perceptions of what a relationship is supposed to be like”.  Hmm, I thought, this is actually rather timely.

As you, my bloggity blog loyal reader know, my friends and I are of the dating age. And as such, I use us as fodder for this page.  Just this past week we had been discussing how with the increase in social media, internet, text, our expectations have increased when we are entering into a relationship.

Back in the day (ok, you know I’m not THAT old), but it used to be that you would meet someone out or get set up by a friend, they would call you, you planned a date, you met, you made small talk, got to know one another, etc.  These days with online dating you pretty much fast forward all of that.  You answer questions, post pictures, list your favorites and basically give your date a “how to guide” on getting to know you.  Add in there the creation of text messaging and before you even meet a person face to face you have already gotten in your head a pretty good example of what this person is like (or, let’s be honest, what you WANT this person to be like).  Your expectations are set pretty high and you still haven’t even met the person yet!

The next hurdle is getting over the expectation of what status your relationship is in.  I constantly refer to my Dad and his wise advice when I was in college.  He told me “it is ok to date”.  Ok, duh! You might say.  But what he meant was; back in his day (1970 something) people dated.  Guys invited a girl out to dinner or to a movie.  They may even have two dates in a weekend with two different girls.  It was ok.  My Dad saw my sister and me getting asked out by one guy, having a good date, and then being stuck to each other for the foreseeable future.  We didn’t date – we committed.   I am not saying that everyone should go out and become crazy daters.  I am just suggesting that we put back into perspective that a date does not mean you are going to get married, have 2. 5 kids and a dog and live happily ever after.  It just means you wanted to see if you are compatible, have fun together and possibly could explore the thought of a second date. 

For most women, this thinking is very hard to do.  Most of us (and some men too) see our date as the future Mr. /Mrs.  We adopt the mindset that because we share the same interests and our online profile told us we were perfect matches we are going to be together forever.   We are projecting that our date is going to be the perfect relationship partner.  We can also back up our hypothesis because our online match maker agrees with us.  In our heads we are going to be Mr. and Mrs. Perfect.   Maybe yes, maybe no? 

To make the complication even worse we started changing the subject of first dates.  I remember my very first date I had from an online site.  The guy told me he hated first dates from Eharmony. I asked why? He said that “all you hear about is the sob story of someone’s past, why they got divorced, why they are still single etc.”  He had a really valid point.  While this information is very important for a relationship, topics like divorce, kids, marriage, used to come up after a few dates. These days, because you have already cleared those hurdles online, first dates tend to be a bit more intense. 

The other hurdle to keeping expectations low is that when you meet someone online you know their goals (it is a listed category!)  Want kids? Want to be married? Want to retire early?  You learn so much about the person online that you inevitably fast forward yourself into their painting of their cozy life.  I just talked to my friend who is dating a good guy.  He has a great job, owns a house, wants a family, has enough money to support a family – seems like a great catch.  The problem was that she wasn’t completely smitten with him.  She liked him ok, and could possibly grow to really like him.  Why did she settle and stay around for dates 2,3,4,5 etc.?  Well, because she fit into his picture of a future.  She wants kids, wants a man with a good job and someone who likes his family.  His perceived relationship and her perceived relationship were perfect matches.  Their personalities and lifestyles?  Not so sure.  But she was willing to pass up other guys and put her time into this one because of her expectation of what a relationship is supposed to be.

I am not judging or saying there is anything wrong with her choice.  Maybe they will be happily ever after and their match maker is completely correct?  All I am suggesting is that I remind myself to follow today’s affirmation and stop trying to fit relationships into what a perception is and just go with the flow of what reality is offering.

My try at being a working from home kind of mom.

I am extremely blessed to have an awesome job that allows me to work from pretty much anywhere.  As long I meet my goals and get my tasks accomplished, my work environment can be very flexible.  So, in an effort to “have it all” I decided to let my little man stay home from camp and spend the day with mommy.

The grand plan I envisioned started with us getting dressed in our work clothes (no hat, and a shirt with a collar for my little man), having a healthy breakfast at the table and enjoying a nice car ride into the office.  My morning was more like this – a quick cup of coffee, fast shower for me, long shower for him ended by a flood in the bathroom.  Me - mopping the floor while encouraging him to wear his ‘work clothes’.  Him- fighting with me about what coordinates and why it is perfectly ok to wear a hat to the office.  By this time I gave up hope of a warm breakfast for the two of us and threw some goldfish crackers in a bag with some string cheese.  I skipped doing my hair, threw on a dress and was out the door with my little co-worker next to me. 

Once we arrived at the office I introduced him to my coworkers and the two of us set up shop at my desk.  I had some phone calls to do and he had summer homework to catch up on.  Our first ten minutes went like this:    “Mommy, why is your office so small?” (It is actually one of the largest I’ve had!)  “Mommy, why do you have a corner office?” “Mommy, why didn’t you decorate better?”  “Mommy, who is the boss here?”  “Mommy, can I have a snack?” “Mommy can I use the bathroom?”  “Mommy, do you have any games?”  “Mommy, can you please download a game to your computer?” “Mommy, can we go to lunch yet?” “Mommy, what is for lunch?” “Mommy, when are you going to be done?”

I LOVE my little man more than anything, but after 10 minutes of nonstop chatter I realized our business partnership was not going to make it that far.  I quickly texted a friend and arranged a play date.  Not to give up on my work from anywhere challenge today, I decided to pick up the friend and let them play at my house while I conferenced called my way through the day.

Good plans don’t always work out the way we hope……

My little man and his friends are good kids - really they are.  They get along well and listen pretty well for being 7 ½ and 8 year old little boys.  I decided I was going to be the kind of mommy that can work from home, make dinner and even do a project with the kids today.  (Ok, in hind sight maybe I was being a little over confidant).   First, the boys and I had our lunch at Subway (I was NOT going to fall for a drive thru – I’m dedicated to being Super Mommy today after all!)  A few fart jokes and a lot of me saying things like “shh!” and “stop kicking each other” and I packed up our sandwiches and we hit the road. (I am beginning to think drive thrus were invented to keep the kid craziness IN the car and away from innocent citizens.)  Next we went to the grocery store because I needed a few seasonings and thought the boys would enjoy baking brownies.  We had a chance of rain yesterday, and this mommy was going to be prepared!  Again a lot of “shh!” and “Stop kicking each other!” But I survived the trip and we made it home.

Once we were home the boys were in their element.  They ran in the backyard with the dog, climbed trees, tossed footballs and generally were just being boys having fun. 

I was on a mission to be a multi tasker and decided to start cooking dinner.   I didn’t get my hot breakfast, the least I could do was dinner.  A large pot of Black Beans and Andouille with some fresh veggies seemed like a great idea. I was happily chopping my way through peppers and sautéing onions when the dog came to the door all dirty at the same time my phone started ringing.  CRAP!  Work call!  Barking dirty dog, and onions about to burn!  Oh! And where did the boys go? 

Double Crap!

I lost the kids. 

First I decided to let the phone go to voicemail, next I turned off the stove, put the cooking on hold and locked the dog outside.  Since I was babysitting a friend’s child, I didn’t think they would appreciate me losing their kid.  Found the boys – in a tree- spying on the neighbors. Great! Let’s just hope they didn’t call the police thinking there were peeping toms around.

Time for me to re-group. “I got this” I thought to myself. I’m successful. I manage a lot of big projects. I can manage working from home with my little man.

I gathered the boys and we set down some ground rules.  No spying on neighbors, no messing with the dog, wear helmets when riding scooters (Safety first!) and no shooting nerf guns at strangers.  We all shook on it and I got back to the kitchen.  I decided to bypass any idea of a gourmet meal- tossed the remaining ingredients in the pot and turned it on simmer.  The dog was whining to come in because it is hot as hell outside and he is a St. Bernard living in Florida (poor, poor puppy). I wrangled him in, cleaned him off and got ready to sit down at the computer.

Then I heard a ‘WHEEE!!!’ and saw a form flying down the road in front of the house.  The road – with cars on it- with a great big hill- with more cars and driveways and a chance to get hurt- UGH!

I burst out of the house as fast as I could (well, fast as I could while trying to keep a St. Bernard IN the house) and ran to the yard to see my little man and his friend racing their scooters without any helmets or shoes on down the street.  I yelled STOP! (Yes, I am officially the crazy neighbor lady that yells for her kids from 6 houses away).  The boys froze in their spots, actually I think the yard guy a few houses down froze in his spot too.  I corralled the boys and we made a new plan.  I would sit outside and watch the races and they would wear shoes and helmets.  

It turns out that I live in one of those neighborhoods that if you are outside, other kids will hear you and come over to play.  All of a sudden we have added to the races and I am now watching over a few more kids than I signed up for. Not to worry, I’m supermom, I got this.  I decided I could return the call and check my emails while sitting outside life guarding the kids.

Except, one kid decided he wanted to be inside, one wanted to play with the dog and one wanted to ride down the hill.  I checked my watch – it was only 3:00.  I have a few more hours of work to do and a few more hours of kids.

“Change of plans!” I announce.  I rallied the troops, plied them with juice and snacks and plopped them in front of the t.v.  Television was not on my list of approved super mommy activities, but really I need to check my email!  It worked for about three minutes, until one kid decided to play the drums, one decided to play some sort of noisy video game and a third wanted more food.

Ok, food works – more food for everyone! Let’s eat.  I fed the boys their second meal of the play date, it kept the house quiet and they were occupied.

Once they were done they wanted to go back outside – ok back outside, let’s go! This mommy has got this stuff down. I looked at my watch – it was only 3:30…

And so my day went, watching boys play and create new games.  Laughing at them being silly and making sure we didn’t need any trips to the emergency room.

I checked on my dinner once, and never got back to returning my emails.

In the end, I decided to call in a vacation day. 

Turns out I am a super mommy, but it is very hard to be a Working at Home Super Mommy!

What are you attracted to?

This is just one of the 500 questions you go through when dating.  (Ok, let me be clear, when you are dating and you are over the age of 30.  I have a feeling that people who are in their 20s and dating still sort of rely on looks as their main source of attraction).

Being single, I am asked this question a lot by all sorts of well- meaning friends.  You know the kind, the ones that are happily married and want to see you ‘settle down’, also the few concerned friends who don’t want to see me raising my son by myself of shouldering the burden of being alone.  (Besides my fear of being stranded in a hurricane by myself, I think I am o.k. with being alone – thanks!)  Anyway more and more this question has come up in conversation, either directed at me, or me asking it to my friends.

My typical response usually flows like this; well, he must have a job, like kids and be taller than me.”  Yes, after being on the dating scene for about 5 years now I proudly deduced this formula is all I needed to find my happily ever after.   Unfortunately, my witty response now needs a few more descriptive words as I have noticed that this may be good for a quick retort but they are pretty shallow of me and won’t get me out of the kiddy pool of dating.

While at breakfast the other day, my friend and I were discussing attraction and how over and over again we (meaning women in general) fall for the handsome mysterious man, but yet get disappointed when they can’t carry a conversation or we can’t introduce them to our co-workers.  She went out on a few dates with a man who has a good job, owns his own home, plays sports and has good conversational skills.  The thing that she raved about most?  His brain!  He is smart and likes to talk about books and work and planning for the future.  The two of us laughed over our coffee and we remembered a few years ago when we bragged about our dates’ muscles or new tattoo or how many shots they bought us the night before.

So, as I am ever a fan of lists, I think it is now time for me to adjust mine and realize that what I am attracted to really does not have much to do with looks but a whole lot more to do with ambition and drive.

1.        I am attracted to someone who has a job (ok, same as the first list) BUT, must have a job that provides for them and one that they enjoy and are proud of.

2.       I am attracted to someone who likes kids (yep, still the same) BUT, must understand that I have a son and that it is a full time job.   An added bonus is someone who enjoys spending time with kids and doing kid friendly things.

3.       I am attracted to someone who is healthy and takes care of themselves.  By no means am I a super fit person, but I realize that I need to be healthy for my son. Once you realize the need to be healthy, it is hard to find someone with bad lifestyle choices attractive.

4.       I am attracted to someone who is knowledgeable.  I know that not everyone is cut out for office work and college.  However, I have met some extremely smart people who know a lot and are passionate about learning.  I am attracted to someone who likes to learn and also likes to teach. Having new experiences together can be a great relationship builder.

5.       I am attracted to someone who challenges me and encourages me.  Maybe it is as simple as making me go to the gym, or trying a new recipe?  I realized that I am the type of person who needs a bit of a challenge every once and awhile.

6.       I am attracted to someone who needs a partner. I have been the bread winner in relationships and I have been the stay at home housewife.  I didn’t like either of those roles.  I am attracted to someone who looks at me and says – “Go do your best, I believe in you”.  Not “I’ll take care of you” and not “I need you” But, just let’s work on this together.

It is funny that I as I sit here and write this looks didn’t even make the list.  I guess after being single this long I have decided to be a little more specific and a lot less superficial.  To wrap this list up, I would say I am attracted to ambition.  Oh, and yes, they still need to be taller than me!

My favorite place

A few weeks ago my little man and I were watching a cheesy Steve Martin movie. One of the ones where he has ten kids, is busy working, mom is busy working and inevitably they lose one of their brood.  The family runs around their neighborhood, calls the police and is panic stricken.  Then the youngest of the 10 remembers where the missing kid’s favorite place is (his old house) and Steve Martin saves the day, rescuing the kid and quitting his job all in an emotional montage.

Well, after watching this movie my little man looked at me and assured me that I have nothing to worry about because he didn’t have a favorite place and he would never run away.  I changed the perspective and assured him that our home was his favorite place and therefor he had no need to run to anywhere else.  I fell asleep that night really proud of my awesome parenting skills – high five for the mommy!

The next morning as I was getting ready for work my little man came rushing to me with a serious look on his face. 

“Mom” he said, “I figured it out!”

Figured it out?  It's 6:30 a.m. what are we figuring out so aearly? I haven't even had my coffee yet!  

“Ok” I say, “tell me what you figured out”. 

He says “My favorite place! I remembered where my favorite place is. (He hesitates, trying hard to remember the name) It is where Paw Paw lives. (He hesitates more, still thinking)  You know where it’s cold? Morgan and my cousins are there?”

 I say “Baton Rouge?”

 He jumps up and down in agreement.  “Yep! – that’s it, that’s my favorite place!”

  I say “Ok, so if you run away, I need to go to Baton Rouge to find you?”

 “Yes” he happily says.  Then he hesitates and looks at me, “but Mom, I need a cell phone and Paw Paw’s phone number because I have no idea how to get there.”

Ok, I think.  I am still lucky he won’t be running away for a bit longer as Baton Rouge is a bit far. But if he does attempt it, then at least I know where to start looking.  As for getting him his own phone?  NOT going to happen little man…

Where did all of the FUN go?

"Woo Hoo!"

I hear as my little man goes careening down the street as fast as his little legs can peddle with no hands on his handle bars.  My heart starts pounding as I watch what inevitably will become yet another trip to the emergency room.  I yell out to him “Stop!” “Slow down!” but today he chooses to ignore me and keeps on peddling.

Emergency averted, he is growing up and can handle himself this time.

A few minutes later as I catch up to him slowly peddling my beach cruiser he asks me “Mom, when did you become no fun?” 

Good question little man – I have been asking myself that a lot lately.

Recently, I’ve been back on the dating scene and a common question I get is “what do you do for fun?”  Why is this question so hard for me to answer? I mean I think I have fun? My friends and I laugh a lot and I have a good time doing whatever it is I’m doing, but what makes me ‘fun’?  I think I might have unknowingly crossed a certain threshold where “Fun” doesn’t exist and responsibility, practicality and parenthood took over.

Maybe I am now just valuing my responsibilities more in my 30’s than I did in my 20’s?  Gone are the nights of happy hours starting at 5 and ending at midnight three or four nights a week.  Now, happy hour is every other week, starting at 6:30 and home by 9:00.  Let’s face it, my friends and I now have jobs with responsibilities and can’t leave work at 5:00, nor can we leave our work at the ‘office’, we are now working before, during and after happy hour.

My friends and I still enjoy a good concert, sporting event and special event.  However, these days we drink 1 glass of beer with two waters and order fruit and pretzels at the concession stand.  We have personal trainers to meet in the morning and little men and women to get off to school before the sun comes up.

Our road trips are still very fun and full of laughter, but these days we plan months in advance, use our frequent flier miles to book our hotels and eat at sit down restaurants instead of at the fast food drive thru. So, maybe our “fun” met up with aging and maturity and became a bit more responsible? 

I think I need to invent my new definition of “Fun”.  Fun to me is seeing my little man experience new things, accomplish something he didn’t think he could and just being there for him.  Fun is laughing out loud with my girlfriends over a good bottle of wine and helping each other solve our dilemmas – whether they are marriage, dating, or work related.  Fun is a night at Bingo getting to know the local senior citizens and hearing their stories about their past winnings.  Fun is sealing a deal at work and accomplishing a goal.  There is no question that “Fun” for me involves memories, laughter and friends.  Too bad I’m not able to relay this to my little man with a quick answer on our bike ride.

I guess I’ll just have to show him that his mom is “Fun” by riding fast down the road without holding on to my handle bars!

Thank the Lord I'm Single...

There is no denying it, being divorced or single sometimes really sucks.  It just does.  There are certain days of the year that are harder than others.  There are the obvious days likes Valentine’s, Christmas and the worry about the New Year’s Eve kiss.  Days that include reunions, couples’ nights out and weddings tend to be rather hard.  There are also less known days that tug at your heart strings like your child’s first day of school, first home run, first date, etc. that can really bug the single mom.  But with all of the “wish you were here” moments there are plenty more of “thank the LORD I’m single moments.”

A few of my favorite moments are below.  Please feel free to share and add your thoughts. I am sure this list can grow and grow.

1.        Being able find your stuff because you put it somewhere and no one else is there to move it.  You can always find your keys, favorite sweatshirt and the paperwork you need.

2.       Being able to eat your favorite Halloween candy from the kid’s bags and not having to share with anyone else.

3.       Being able to use ALL of the closets in your house for your stuff.  You don’t need to share the space and your clothing doesn’t need to get wrinkled because it is cramped in between suits and baseball equipment.

4.       Finding the toilet seat down.

5.       Knowing when it is the last of the toilet paper, toothpaste, bath soap and so one because you were the only one to use it.

6.       Putting leftovers in the refrigerator and knowing they will be there in the a.m.

7.       Being able to dedicate the extra closet in the guest room to your shoe collection (or whatever collection you may have)

8.       Any day you don’t have to deal with In Laws, and if they call, you DON’T have to answer the phone, cause hey! their child isn’t there anymore

9.       Seeing your ex dressed in any kind of strange, mismatched outfit and knowing you don’t have to sit next to him, or even pretend that you know him.

10.   When your child does something bad at school, having the ability to say he learned it at “The Other House”

11.   When your child wakes up in the morning and you are the first person they run to with a big hug and kiss.

12.   Being able to make a decision because it is was YOU want and not what someone else wants.

13.   Buying whatever you want when you want and knowing you don’t need to tell anyone about the cost of it.

14.   Being able to stock your house with your food and drink of choice, no compromising necessary.

15.   Knowing you only have to go to one family’s festivities for any given holiday.

16.   Being the one your child turns to when they fall down, feel sad or just need a hug.

17.   Being able to do whatever you want when you want with whomever you want.