Attack of the Unsolicited Comments....

I am blessed with high self esteem. 

I guess I owe it to my loving parents who told me I was smart, funny, pretty, and all of those other good thoughts.  It takes a heck of a lot to rattle my cage when it comes to discussing me.  I’ve been fat, been skinny, had zits, had bad hair, had REALLY bad hair, been preggo, been post partum, been laid off, been fired, been turned down, been dumped and been divorced.  You could say I’ve survived my share of criticism.  Taking it with a grain of salt and moving on.

However, there is something that occurs every now and then that can really rattle a person’s esteem – and that is the unsolicited opinion.  We’ve all fallen victim to the unsolicited opinion, it tends to attack when we are least expecting it, sting really bad, and then linger on in our memory for days. 

Just yesterday my dear friend fell victim to not one, but two, viscous unsolicited opinions. My friend was a blonde – you know the type that technically grew up with brown hair but sometime in her mid 20’s changed to blonde and stayed that way so that everyone who knows her now thinks of her as blonde.  Well, dear blondy decided to go back to her roots, stop fighting the power and become a brunette again.  Like any good friend would, we all raved about the new do.  It looks fantastic, perfect with her skin tone, and just right for her.  Well, not according to her land lord.  For some reason the land lord felt it was ok and socially acceptable to say she looked better as a blonde.  What?!? Who does that?  Who just blurts out a casual remark that stings so badly?  If that wasn’t bad enough, while sitting at a meeting a co-worker asks my same friend if she is pregnant.   Clearly my friend was left speechless.  I mean, how does one reply to a question like that?  “No, I’m not pregnant, just ate a big lunch?  Or, “No, not pregnant just retaining water these days?”   So, with not one but TWO insults during her day she had to fight the self esteem monster and move on.

Not to just sit here and tell of my friend’s woes – I too have had my share of encounters with unsolicited comments.  My first and most memorable/embarrassing was in the Las Vegas Airport.  It was 2002, I had extremely short hair, no makeup on, no earrings in, baseball cap on and an oversized sweatshirt and some work out pants – hey it was Vegas, I was hung over and getting on a red eye – I was appropriately dressed.  I was travelling with my boyfriend and we were checking our luggage.  When, out of nowhere the skycap dude asked if we were brothers.  EEKE!!  Stop the presses! WHAT?!   I took a deep breath, put my $5 tip back in my pocket and decided from then on to always wear lipstick and earrings.  Not going to lie, that one stung for a long time.

Another harsh stinging episode took place a few years later.  This time I’m still with same boyfriend, happily sporting longer hair, earrings and lipstick. In fact we were headed to the Russian Embassy in D.C. so you know I was looking and feeling good.  We had just gotten engaged a few months earlier so all was happy in my land.  When all of a sudden, during small talk some lady reaches down and pats my stomach and says congratulations – heard the good news!  WHAT?  I honestly don’t remember how I back peddled my way out of that conversation; I think I blocked it all out.  It was horrible. 

My friends let me offer you some advice so you aren’t the ones facing the DUH! moments when you accidently blurt out some stinging words of advice or congratulations.

#1  Unless a woman is IN labor – do not comment on her pregnancy.  Really, keep it safe and stay away from all talk about babies

#2  Think before you speak. Yes, this is very hard for me.  But, try it. You will stay on the safe side if you think first.

#3 Never say you like something better than the other.  Say things like “this is great!”  “you look fantastic!”   Stay in the present when you comment on things, no comparing to the past.

#4  Don’t offer parenting advice (especially if you aren’t a parent).  Parenting has got to  be the only job in the world with extremely high success measurements and NO handbook.  Parents are stressed and really don’t want your opinion.  Unless they ask, don’t tell.

#5  Never offer diet advice.   My ex mother in law felt the need to mail me diet books.  I wasn’t on a diet.  I burned the books.

#6  If all else fails – talk about the weather.


What other unsolicited advice have you gotten?  Let me know!