Damn you Oprah!

Little did I know 30 was so riveting.

A few years ago Oprah joyfully announced to the world that 40 is the new 50!  She then conceded that 50 is the new 60 and made the majority of her viewers happy.  What Oprah failed to mention is what happened to 30. 

30 and the nine years that follow is that time span of ‘growing up’.  You can’t use the excuse that “it happened when I was young - you know like in my 20’s”.  You are expected to be established in your career, relationship, home ownership, etc.   30’s can still have fun, but what a good friend of mine texted me the day of her 30^th birthday was that she just can’t bounce back as fast after a few glasses of wine.  That’s right – 30 kind of hits your 29 in the face and says take that! Welcome to 30 it’s all about to get real.

And so my 30’s began.  My sister (11 months older and therefore an expert on the subject of being 30) was right.  Once you turn 30 things get harder.  Your fat cells seem to stick to you like glue.  You can run, sweat, jazzercise and plank until you are blue in the face (or my case red) and still those fat cell suckers won’t come off like they did back when you were 28.  Your skin starts to turn all shades of fun, from sun spots, to pre cancerous growths, to cellulite pockets - you are dermatologist’s dream come true.  Your hair decides to do something funky - either fall out, change color or texture.    Your clothing still fits, but you have to account for a new muffin top that may have sprouted over night or some extra thick upper arms (where the hell do they come from?!)   

You may think I’m crazy and say “hey, this isn’t true. Oprah would never forget about the 30’s.”  Of COURSE Oprah would.  Who wants to talk about the crazy changes that happen in your 30’s?  I mean it is much more fun to talk about How Stella Got Her Groove Back, than it is talking about How Stella LOST Her Groove.

This past Saturday my friends and I were sitting around the pool doing what girls do.  The only difference instead of talking about the previous night’s escapades, nursing a hangover, or planning a weekend getaway, our conversations went like this: 

                First subject – Colonoscopies and bowel movements.  Yep!  One of us had to undergo her first trip the Endo and like all good friends we shared the details.   Discussed the best diet plans, Endo docs, follow up appointments and so on.

                 Next subject – frozen cervixes and squamos cells.  Yep! We are on to the OBGYN conversation and again debated the procedures, pros and cons to birth control types, and how the hell does the Doc actually freeze a cervix? 

                Third conversation – B12 and exercise.   Why do 2 out of the 4 of us lack B12?  What is the best way to get B12, shots? Drops?  Food?  Oh yes! By this time I KNOW you are riveted to hear what our fourth topic was, get ready, get set….

                CORNS.  I know you are excited.  One of the girls is experiencing her first corn and how the heck do you treat one?  How do you get one?  And what is a corn anyway?

Once we hit the "corn" topic I NEW what happened to 30. 

30 got introduced to Blanche, Sophia, Rose and Dorothy. 

30 isn’t the new 20.  30 is the new Senior Citizen. 

I think our next Girl's Day will be looking to hang out with some Golden Girls.  I hear they lived nearby in South Florida....