I'm bringing Silly Back...

“Mom, you have GOT to learn to roller blade! These things are AWESOME!” I hear at 7:45 a.m. coming from my driveway….

1.        I despise roller blading

2.       I haven’t had coffee

3.       I am still in my PJs and there is no way I am going out of the house, donning a helmet and putting my feet into holders on wheels right now.

“Little man I say, I’ll think about it” thinking I’m buying myself some time, at least enough to enjoy my coffee and watch the Today Show.

“Mom, you are just no fun anymore” he replies.

Typically this comment wouldn’t bother me.  However, this was the 2^nd time in a week that my little man has pointed out that I am not as fun as I used to be.

Last week he went for a scooter ride and I went for a run.  We did 2 miles and were pretty hot and exhausted.  Since we were at the beach, we took off our socks and shoes and went to the ocean.  My little man dove right into the water.  I watched.  I didn’t want to get my workout clothes sandy and I really didn’t want to swim in just my sports bra and shorts.  Plus, my little man is a great swimmer now and doesn’t need me to hold onto him in the ocean.   I was standing at the water’s edge so proud of him for being a good swimmer, when he asked me to come in and play.  I said no.  I told him to swim closer to the shoreline.  He asked again for me to ride the waves.  I said no and warned him about the undertow.

After he got out and we dried off he commented that I no longer swim with him.  “Remember when you used to go running and then jump right into the ocean with me Mommy?”  Yep, I do remember that, and it was a lot of fun I thought.  I told him that I don’t have to do that anymore because he is such a strong little man that he doesn’t need me to help him.   He replied that “I’m just not silly anymore.”

That stung.

I guess that while I was on my mission of teaching my little man independence and confidence I got sidetracked.  Instead of focusing on fun and laughing I have been trying to teach him how to entertain himself and make friends with the other kids at the beach.

I learned that night that I really need to just let go more often.  While my little man doesn’t need me to hold his hand in the ocean he still may need me to help him catch the perfect wave and share some good memories.  I promised him the next time we run I’ll go swimming with him after.

That being said, I do draw the line at rollerblading.  Sorry happy blog readers, but I am just NOT getting onto those things. They scare the daylights out of me and my little man cannot convince me otherwise.  But, I know he will try….

My try at being a working from home kind of mom.

I am extremely blessed to have an awesome job that allows me to work from pretty much anywhere.  As long I meet my goals and get my tasks accomplished, my work environment can be very flexible.  So, in an effort to “have it all” I decided to let my little man stay home from camp and spend the day with mommy.

The grand plan I envisioned started with us getting dressed in our work clothes (no hat, and a shirt with a collar for my little man), having a healthy breakfast at the table and enjoying a nice car ride into the office.  My morning was more like this – a quick cup of coffee, fast shower for me, long shower for him ended by a flood in the bathroom.  Me - mopping the floor while encouraging him to wear his ‘work clothes’.  Him- fighting with me about what coordinates and why it is perfectly ok to wear a hat to the office.  By this time I gave up hope of a warm breakfast for the two of us and threw some goldfish crackers in a bag with some string cheese.  I skipped doing my hair, threw on a dress and was out the door with my little co-worker next to me. 

Once we arrived at the office I introduced him to my coworkers and the two of us set up shop at my desk.  I had some phone calls to do and he had summer homework to catch up on.  Our first ten minutes went like this:    “Mommy, why is your office so small?” (It is actually one of the largest I’ve had!)  “Mommy, why do you have a corner office?” “Mommy, why didn’t you decorate better?”  “Mommy, who is the boss here?”  “Mommy, can I have a snack?” “Mommy can I use the bathroom?”  “Mommy, do you have any games?”  “Mommy, can you please download a game to your computer?” “Mommy, can we go to lunch yet?” “Mommy, what is for lunch?” “Mommy, when are you going to be done?”

I LOVE my little man more than anything, but after 10 minutes of nonstop chatter I realized our business partnership was not going to make it that far.  I quickly texted a friend and arranged a play date.  Not to give up on my work from anywhere challenge today, I decided to pick up the friend and let them play at my house while I conferenced called my way through the day.

Good plans don’t always work out the way we hope……

My little man and his friends are good kids - really they are.  They get along well and listen pretty well for being 7 ½ and 8 year old little boys.  I decided I was going to be the kind of mommy that can work from home, make dinner and even do a project with the kids today.  (Ok, in hind sight maybe I was being a little over confidant).   First, the boys and I had our lunch at Subway (I was NOT going to fall for a drive thru – I’m dedicated to being Super Mommy today after all!)  A few fart jokes and a lot of me saying things like “shh!” and “stop kicking each other” and I packed up our sandwiches and we hit the road. (I am beginning to think drive thrus were invented to keep the kid craziness IN the car and away from innocent citizens.)  Next we went to the grocery store because I needed a few seasonings and thought the boys would enjoy baking brownies.  We had a chance of rain yesterday, and this mommy was going to be prepared!  Again a lot of “shh!” and “Stop kicking each other!” But I survived the trip and we made it home.

Once we were home the boys were in their element.  They ran in the backyard with the dog, climbed trees, tossed footballs and generally were just being boys having fun. 

I was on a mission to be a multi tasker and decided to start cooking dinner.   I didn’t get my hot breakfast, the least I could do was dinner.  A large pot of Black Beans and Andouille with some fresh veggies seemed like a great idea. I was happily chopping my way through peppers and sautéing onions when the dog came to the door all dirty at the same time my phone started ringing.  CRAP!  Work call!  Barking dirty dog, and onions about to burn!  Oh! And where did the boys go? 

Double Crap!

I lost the kids. 

First I decided to let the phone go to voicemail, next I turned off the stove, put the cooking on hold and locked the dog outside.  Since I was babysitting a friend’s child, I didn’t think they would appreciate me losing their kid.  Found the boys – in a tree- spying on the neighbors. Great! Let’s just hope they didn’t call the police thinking there were peeping toms around.

Time for me to re-group. “I got this” I thought to myself. I’m successful. I manage a lot of big projects. I can manage working from home with my little man.

I gathered the boys and we set down some ground rules.  No spying on neighbors, no messing with the dog, wear helmets when riding scooters (Safety first!) and no shooting nerf guns at strangers.  We all shook on it and I got back to the kitchen.  I decided to bypass any idea of a gourmet meal- tossed the remaining ingredients in the pot and turned it on simmer.  The dog was whining to come in because it is hot as hell outside and he is a St. Bernard living in Florida (poor, poor puppy). I wrangled him in, cleaned him off and got ready to sit down at the computer.

Then I heard a ‘WHEEE!!!’ and saw a form flying down the road in front of the house.  The road – with cars on it- with a great big hill- with more cars and driveways and a chance to get hurt- UGH!

I burst out of the house as fast as I could (well, fast as I could while trying to keep a St. Bernard IN the house) and ran to the yard to see my little man and his friend racing their scooters without any helmets or shoes on down the street.  I yelled STOP! (Yes, I am officially the crazy neighbor lady that yells for her kids from 6 houses away).  The boys froze in their spots, actually I think the yard guy a few houses down froze in his spot too.  I corralled the boys and we made a new plan.  I would sit outside and watch the races and they would wear shoes and helmets.  

It turns out that I live in one of those neighborhoods that if you are outside, other kids will hear you and come over to play.  All of a sudden we have added to the races and I am now watching over a few more kids than I signed up for. Not to worry, I’m supermom, I got this.  I decided I could return the call and check my emails while sitting outside life guarding the kids.

Except, one kid decided he wanted to be inside, one wanted to play with the dog and one wanted to ride down the hill.  I checked my watch – it was only 3:00.  I have a few more hours of work to do and a few more hours of kids.

“Change of plans!” I announce.  I rallied the troops, plied them with juice and snacks and plopped them in front of the t.v.  Television was not on my list of approved super mommy activities, but really I need to check my email!  It worked for about three minutes, until one kid decided to play the drums, one decided to play some sort of noisy video game and a third wanted more food.

Ok, food works – more food for everyone! Let’s eat.  I fed the boys their second meal of the play date, it kept the house quiet and they were occupied.

Once they were done they wanted to go back outside – ok back outside, let’s go! This mommy has got this stuff down. I looked at my watch – it was only 3:30…

And so my day went, watching boys play and create new games.  Laughing at them being silly and making sure we didn’t need any trips to the emergency room.

I checked on my dinner once, and never got back to returning my emails.

In the end, I decided to call in a vacation day. 

Turns out I am a super mommy, but it is very hard to be a Working at Home Super Mommy!

What are you attracted to?

This is just one of the 500 questions you go through when dating.  (Ok, let me be clear, when you are dating and you are over the age of 30.  I have a feeling that people who are in their 20s and dating still sort of rely on looks as their main source of attraction).

Being single, I am asked this question a lot by all sorts of well- meaning friends.  You know the kind, the ones that are happily married and want to see you ‘settle down’, also the few concerned friends who don’t want to see me raising my son by myself of shouldering the burden of being alone.  (Besides my fear of being stranded in a hurricane by myself, I think I am o.k. with being alone – thanks!)  Anyway more and more this question has come up in conversation, either directed at me, or me asking it to my friends.

My typical response usually flows like this; well, he must have a job, like kids and be taller than me.”  Yes, after being on the dating scene for about 5 years now I proudly deduced this formula is all I needed to find my happily ever after.   Unfortunately, my witty response now needs a few more descriptive words as I have noticed that this may be good for a quick retort but they are pretty shallow of me and won’t get me out of the kiddy pool of dating.

While at breakfast the other day, my friend and I were discussing attraction and how over and over again we (meaning women in general) fall for the handsome mysterious man, but yet get disappointed when they can’t carry a conversation or we can’t introduce them to our co-workers.  She went out on a few dates with a man who has a good job, owns his own home, plays sports and has good conversational skills.  The thing that she raved about most?  His brain!  He is smart and likes to talk about books and work and planning for the future.  The two of us laughed over our coffee and we remembered a few years ago when we bragged about our dates’ muscles or new tattoo or how many shots they bought us the night before.

So, as I am ever a fan of lists, I think it is now time for me to adjust mine and realize that what I am attracted to really does not have much to do with looks but a whole lot more to do with ambition and drive.

1.        I am attracted to someone who has a job (ok, same as the first list) BUT, must have a job that provides for them and one that they enjoy and are proud of.

2.       I am attracted to someone who likes kids (yep, still the same) BUT, must understand that I have a son and that it is a full time job.   An added bonus is someone who enjoys spending time with kids and doing kid friendly things.

3.       I am attracted to someone who is healthy and takes care of themselves.  By no means am I a super fit person, but I realize that I need to be healthy for my son. Once you realize the need to be healthy, it is hard to find someone with bad lifestyle choices attractive.

4.       I am attracted to someone who is knowledgeable.  I know that not everyone is cut out for office work and college.  However, I have met some extremely smart people who know a lot and are passionate about learning.  I am attracted to someone who likes to learn and also likes to teach. Having new experiences together can be a great relationship builder.

5.       I am attracted to someone who challenges me and encourages me.  Maybe it is as simple as making me go to the gym, or trying a new recipe?  I realized that I am the type of person who needs a bit of a challenge every once and awhile.

6.       I am attracted to someone who needs a partner. I have been the bread winner in relationships and I have been the stay at home housewife.  I didn’t like either of those roles.  I am attracted to someone who looks at me and says – “Go do your best, I believe in you”.  Not “I’ll take care of you” and not “I need you” But, just let’s work on this together.

It is funny that I as I sit here and write this looks didn’t even make the list.  I guess after being single this long I have decided to be a little more specific and a lot less superficial.  To wrap this list up, I would say I am attracted to ambition.  Oh, and yes, they still need to be taller than me!

Feel like a Mom?

The other day one of those random Facebook surveys popped up on my news feed.  The question was this: “How did you know when you were a Mom?”  Ok, DUH! That is a pretty obvious question right?  I mean you KNOW you are a Mom when that little stick you pee on turns blue, or gives you two lines instead of one, or you wake up every day for a week straight and vomit, or suddenly your boobs are swollen and feel like they will explode at the slightest touch of a feather.  I mean really, this is a pretty silly poll Facebook people. 

But then I got to thinking…. You can pretty much skate by being a Mom without actually feeling like one.  (Deep thoughts by Dana) 

I guess for some people it would be the first time they see their little baby smile, or the first time they hear them utter ‘momma’ out of their little mouths, or when they walk across the room to them for the first time.  Unfortunately for me Mom memories didn’t actually happen that way.  See, I was a working Mom and had a village helping to raise my little man - we had a very loud southern Daddy and a sweet Nanny at home, all of which called me Dana.  Turns out, babies repeat what they hear.  So instead of my little man whispering ‘momma’ in a cute baby voice, he decided to call me “Anda!” (Dana mixed up) in a loud southern bellow.  And the moment he walked across the room with his hands wide open?  Yep, the Nanny got to witness that one.  I learned about it through a broken English/Spanish translation via a cell phone.  So, no – I didn’t feel like a “Mom” then either.

Some Moms know they are doing their “Mommy Work” when their little one is sick and needs help through a fever or a band aide for his first big bruise.  Well, I am very fortunate to live near my parents and have a fantastic Mom (Gogo to my little man) who has a way with bruises.  It breaks my heart a bit, but my little man prefers to spend his sick days with my Mom and get her cuddles and attention.  I love that they have a great bond and that I know he is well taken care of, but it does not leave me feeling like I’m doing that “Mommy thing”.  For some reason a band aide or ice pack from GoGo cures my little man much quicker than me and for that I am grateful.

And on and on the list goes - me wondering when the heck I knew I was a Mom? By this point I have spent a good two days pondering and it is getting to me and my mommy self -esteem.

Then it hit me! 

I knew I was a Mom this month. (Ok, my son is 7 ½, maybe I’m a late bloomer?)

My little man has been away for 3 or so weeks.  Leading up to his big trip and my spontaneous staycation I had made list after list of things I would do sans my little guy.  The list was basically this:  tan, drink with friends, try new happy hour places, go dancing, try new bars, have work happy hours, have friends come visit, go on a lot of dates, buy new clothes and so on.  It was basically a list of everything I could think of that my single non parenting friends get to enjoy.  I was stoked! I had three and half weeks to conquer the single kid-less world!  I was going to take back the old pre-mom me.  I was ready to roll!

You know what?

 I ended up not doing much of my list.  Instead of drinking the nights away talking to lame men, I went running and cooked healthy dinners.  Instead of shopping for new clothes, I got a head start on uniform shopping for the next school year.  Instead of work happy hours, I stayed at work and actually got work done.    Instead of going tanning, I decided to be healthier and cancel my tanning membership.

I guess this week I KNEW I was a mom.  I realized how much my little man means to me, and really how much I miss him.  Sure, I miss the idea of fun happy hours at bars, but I miss bike riding with my little man more.  Sure, it would be fun to spend the day at the beach tanning and drinking Coronas, but it is more fun catching the waves and building sand castles. 

So Random Facebook Poll – thank you for helping me put my life back into perspective.  It might have taken me a bit to really “KNOW” I’m a Mom.  But, thank the good Lord I am one and I can’t wait to have my little man back home!

Unsubscribe? Yes please!

For the past 32 ½ years of my life I have been an advertiser’s dream come true.  I am the person who watches the commercials and immediately is convinced I need to buy the new Scrubbing Bubbles in blue just so I can watch the magical foam change from one color to the next to ensure my shower is clean.  (And no spraying a little bleach on a brush and cleaning is not good enough people – I NEED my bubbles to change colors to prove my shower is at the optimal cleanliness).  I change out my mascara because the lady on the television ensured me her new secret recipe volume booster will get my lashes to be ten times longer, plumper and more luxurious.  (What are luxurious lashes by the way?) Anyway, the point is, if you are selling it, you package it nicely, I will more than likely buy it. 

My innate belief in all things advertising has led me to an email inbox full up of sales pitches. You see, what happens is this… I see an ad online, I click, and I read and learn that I can be added to the top secret super select group of people who will get product updates from said product company.  Of course I want to be in on the game! I want to know even sooner when my scrubbing bubbles goes on sale or my mascara gets plumper and so I click. I subscribe.  For the first day or two I am in love with my newly found, top secret, special sale knowledge of all things related to my product.  By week 1 I have received daily updates about everything from the best sale at Macy’s to the Insider Scoop at Sephora.  By week 2 I have learned to not necessarily open the email but more to just scan the subject line outlining the special deal of the day.  By week 3 I am pretty much over the special Groupon offer for families living in Omaha (yes, I live in South Florida, I am STILL trying to figure out how I got signed up for Omaha updates).    And so it goes, by months 2 and 3 I have stopped even looking at the emails and I forward them directly to the trash box.   But yet, I still feel loyal to loyal to my insider scoop, my campaign email updates and my never before seen product sales.  These emails have never actually garnered me any deals, there always seems to be a hidden agenda like the special is only good if you use it on the first Tuesday of the month at two o’clock p.m. after filling out a survey and giving over your first born son.  Ok, maybe it isn’t that drastic, but it certainly is not as easy as clicking on a link and saving cash.

So in an effort to de-clutter my life and gain back some much needed storage space (according to my IPhone, I am over my storage limit in my Cloud – what the heck does that mean!!?!?! But, I digress).

 In order to streamline my life and liberate myself from the clutches of internet marketing I am unsubscribing! I declare today as the day I set war on the email list serve.  I am exercising my rights as a citizen of the internet to take back my email accounts (yes, all six of them).  I will no longer accept that I have to read your mass produced message. I will no longer conform to your idea of mass media marketing. No way.  I am free to choose how I read my emails and today I am deleting myself from your message.

Oh, but if you subscribe to this blog, please don’t delete me…..

Afraid of this?

“Won't you be nervous?”  My friend asked me the other day at lunch.  I was telling her about an event I had to go to that evening and she asked me if I was afraid of attending an event by myself and not knowing who would be there.  “Not really” I replied.  “I’m pretty much used to going to places by myself and meeting new people.”    My friend told me she could never just go to a party, work event, or mixer by herself.  She just isn’t comfortable being alone in that kind of environment.  Luckily for me, I don’t have a fear of showing up someplace by myself. 

This conversation led to another one “What makes you nervous?  What are you afraid of?”  Hmm… this one was tougher for me to answer.  I replied “Dating” makes me nervous – she quickly retorted that it didn’t make me nervous and if it DID in fact make me nervous I would not be on 2 dating sites at the same time and juggling dates.  Ok – point taken.

I still couldn’t think of much to be afraid of or nervous about?  I am confident alone, can make friends, and enjoy trying new things.   I don’t think I have too many feelings of dread when it comes to events in my life.  I guess I am pretty lucky like that.

After more contemplating and thinking about this (because, you know, it is a random thought, and those are the kind of thoughts that get stuck in my head and I can’t get them out) I might have a few things that make me nervous.

The first thing is i'm afraid of and hate confrontation. HATE HATE HATE it. I hate it so much that I still volunteer for stuff I don’t want to do just because I am afraid of confronting the people and telling them why I don’t want to help anymore.  (Yes, I’m a sucker that is engulfed in fear of letting someone down).    I will lose sleep for days about something as trivial as confronting a coworker and telling them their idea wasn’t up to par, or their attitude needs to be fixed, or that they just really need to change the way they do something.  Confrontation = Stress and fear for me.  I’ve learned that my fear of confrontation makes me a pretty bad people manager.  I’m great at managing people who are on my team and rowing the boat the way I row, but one lose paddle and I can’t deal well with it.  Luckily for me, in my career I really don’t’ have to directly manage people and I can happily pick the people I want on my row boat.

Another thing that makes me nervous is falling in love. Weird right?  Well, I’m not hung up on it in the “can’t get out of the house kind of way”, more like it’s a BIG step and I’m kind of not there yet kind of way.  Once you have a child in your life the whole “falling in love” thing takes a SERIOUSLY BIG commitment.  One bad breakup when my Little Man was 4 and I quickly developed a fear of falling in love.  For now I am putting it down in the column of Healthy Fears.   You know that column?  In that column goes:  Sky Diving, Bungee Jumping, and roller blading… (Ok, roller blading is safe for some people, but for me it is a seriously dangerous sport and it will stay in the fear column!)

I remember filling out a paper for my Little Man when he was entering Pre K. He was 4 years old and the teacher wanted to know things like, favorite color, favorite food, allergies and fears.  I think she was looking for things like “afraid of the deep end of the pool, afraid of strangers, etc.”  I asked my little man “What are you afraid of?”   He replied, “Monsters”    “That is all?” I asked.  “Well, Big Ones”

Ok, little man.  You are right.  There really isn’t much in life to be afraid of but Big Monsters.

This one is for the men....

I feel a bit like I have been “man bashing” lately on here. I know that women and men all have faults and let’s be honest, no one is perfect.  However, I DO work in an office with 64 women and 1 man.   So as much as we try not to talk about our personal lives at work, we do end up speaking about our significant others often. 

Just today one of my co-workers was up in arms about her husband.  Yesterday they celebrated their 20^th wedding anniversary.  Like any normal working woman she expected to see a nice arrangement of flowers/candy/gifts arrive at her office during the day.  When that didn’t happen she was sure the arrangement was too large for the delivery truck driver, so it would be sitting at home on the kitchen counter for her after her long day of work.  When that didn’t happen she was SURE that her husband was going to surprise her with a nice romantic dinner with candles and a rose on her plate.

Well, needless to say, none of that happened.  What she got instead was a small arrangement from the grocery store and a Bose sound system for them to “share.” 

Like any other woman after being married to a man for 20 years would do - she let her hubby have it!  “Who brings home flowers from the grocery store to celebrate 20 years of marriage?!  Who cooks dinner for his wife, then makes HER wash the dishes?!!  Who buys speakers to be shared?!”  Understandably her feelings were hurt as he stood there in a state of confusion.

As a ‘typical’ man he didn’t get it… Why aren’t Publix flowers good enough?  Why not share a gift? And what’s so wrong with washing dishes after someone else cooks for you? Well on any other day of the year all of these gifts are perfect ideas to show your love.  However dear male reader, women want, no need a little bit extra attention sometimes. 

I’m going to tell you a secret that will hopefully help you out in the future…. Women want flowers delivered to their office so that they can show YOU off to their coworkers.  We want to have the large vase filled with fragrant blooms so that our friends will rave about how lucky we are to have you in our lives.   We want the piece of jewelry so that when our friends ask where we got it, we can casually mention that our loving husband/boyfriend surprised us with it.  Basically we want these gifts to make you look good (with a side of making our coworkers jealous as well). 

So all you husbands and boyfriends out there who are wondering what to do make your loved one’s day – Send flowers!  Send chocolate! Send fruit arrangements! I assure you it doesn’t matter what you send, just ensure that it is not from the grocery store and it arrives at her office with a great big bow on it!