“This here’s a tale for all the fellas tryin to do what those ladies tell us…”

I’ve been sitting here trying to come up with something to blog about. Apparently I’ve been kind of boring.  My little man suggested I blog about football, but since we are still in pre-season and I haven’t caught a game yet, I decided to postpone that blog.  However, one subject that needs to be addressed is “How to have a good first date”.  I am sending this as a shout out to my guy friends, hoping to impart a little wisdom on you as well as save the girls you go out with the headache of dealing with what I’ve already dealt with.  Here it goes: (all of these have happened to me or a very good friend of mine – I promise, I don’t make this stuff up)

1.    Don’t pick the restaurant then open the conversation by saying “I heard this place got shut down for having such a gross kitchen”.  
2.    Don’t ask a girl how much she makes.  When she answers “enough to be comfortable and pay my bills”, don’t ask – but really how much do you make?!
3.    Don’t ask the girl to split the bill.  If you picked the date, the place, the drinks and the food then don’t ask the girl to pay.  If she offers to pay and you are short on cash, say “yes, let’s split it”, but if you really want to impress the girl just pay for her.  I promise it will make a good impression.
4.    Don’t take her to a chain restaurant.  (OK, this is where my friends and I disagree.  Since I live where there are tons of independent restaurants and fun places to try I think you should at least try a new spot.  But, if you live in the middle of nowhere and Bob Evans is the ONLY place, then ok, you get a pass.  Other than that – stay away from chains! They don’t show your personality and are a no go.)
5.    Don’t recite poetry – ever – period.  Sorry, I just can’t ever see a place for poetry on a first date.  It is creepy and makes your date uncomfortable.
6.    If you meet her online; don’t ask her where she lives.  It is ok to ask about what town, but don’t ask the street, corner, address, house style, etc.  Don’t ask to pick her up and when she says no, insist.  The reason she met you online is because she wants to remain a bit anonymous, if she likes you, you will see her place soon enough.
7.     Don’t double book.  Of course we are all very busy, but booking back to back dates and pushing one along faster is rude.  We all know if the date isn’t working out well.  Just drink you drink, pay the bill and move on.
8.   Don’t check out other girls at the bar.  Of course you are single and ready to mingle, that is the reason you are ON a date.  But trying to make eye contact and flirting with the bartenders is a total turnoff for any girl.
9.  Smell good.  (Do I really need to go into this?)  Actually, I do.  Please shower and deodorize before going on a date.  You don’t need to shave, iron, or tuck in your shirt.  But please put a bit of effort into smelling good. 
10.   Don’t go on a date if you aren’t over your last relationship.  Sure, we all need to get back in the saddle, man up and try again. But maybe find a rebound at a bar?  Girls put a lot of effort into dates.  I know we make it seem effortless. We get all flirty and breezy and pretend we have always had our cute dress, hair perfectly done, nails manicured and things waxed.  Let me tell you the truth – we’ve thought about this date since the minute it was booked.  We researched the menu at the restaurant, we plotted our parking spot and route to the front door, we called our friends and formulated the perfect outfit, we spent hours at the salon, highlighting, low lighting, trimming, waxing, buffing, and scrubbing.  We’ve invested a ton of cash into our new makeup; purchased the perfect tummy slimming, leg lengthening, cellulite hiding undergarments.  We’ve purchased a new bra with just the right amount of push up to show the perfect bit of cleavage.  We haven’t eaten in days, we’ve done double time at the gym, and we took off ½ day of work to be perfect for our date.  So, please don’t waste our time.  We are worthy of a great man and we expect you to give 100% to our date.

I can’t promise these rules are foolproof since all of us ladies are different.  But I do promise that if you do your best to follow them you will be able to Bust a Move….

1. A little Young MC wisdom for you