For the past 32 ½ years of my life I have been an advertiser’s dream come true. I am the person who watches the commercials and immediately is convinced I need to buy the new Scrubbing Bubbles in blue just so I can watch the magical foam change from one color to the next to ensure my shower is clean. (And no spraying a little bleach on a brush and cleaning is not good enough people – I NEED my bubbles to change colors to prove my shower is at the optimal cleanliness). I change out my mascara because the lady on the television ensured me her new secret recipe volume booster will get my lashes to be ten times longer, plumper and more luxurious. (What are luxurious lashes by the way?) Anyway, the point is, if you are selling it, you package it nicely, I will more than likely buy it.
My innate belief in all things advertising has led me to an email inbox full up of sales pitches. You see, what happens is this… I see an ad online, I click, and I read and learn that I can be added to the top secret super select group of people who will get product updates from said product company. Of course I want to be in on the game! I want to know even sooner when my scrubbing bubbles goes on sale or my mascara gets plumper and so I click. I subscribe. For the first day or two I am in love with my newly found, top secret, special sale knowledge of all things related to my product. By week 1 I have received daily updates about everything from the best sale at Macy’s to the Insider Scoop at Sephora. By week 2 I have learned to not necessarily open the email but more to just scan the subject line outlining the special deal of the day. By week 3 I am pretty much over the special Groupon offer for families living in Omaha (yes, I live in South Florida, I am STILL trying to figure out how I got signed up for Omaha updates). And so it goes, by months 2 and 3 I have stopped even looking at the emails and I forward them directly to the trash box. But yet, I still feel loyal to loyal to my insider scoop, my campaign email updates and my never before seen product sales. These emails have never actually garnered me any deals, there always seems to be a hidden agenda like the special is only good if you use it on the first Tuesday of the month at two o’clock p.m. after filling out a survey and giving over your first born son. Ok, maybe it isn’t that drastic, but it certainly is not as easy as clicking on a link and saving cash.
So in an effort to de-clutter my life and gain back some much needed storage space (according to my IPhone, I am over my storage limit in my Cloud – what the heck does that mean!!?!?! But, I digress).
In order to streamline my life and liberate myself from the clutches of internet marketing I am unsubscribing! I declare today as the day I set war on the email list serve. I am exercising my rights as a citizen of the internet to take back my email accounts (yes, all six of them). I will no longer accept that I have to read your mass produced message. I will no longer conform to your idea of mass media marketing. No way. I am free to choose how I read my emails and today I am deleting myself from your message.
Oh, but if you subscribe to this blog, please don’t delete me…..