I’m Sexy and I know It

We are fortunate to live by the beach and my Little Man has been taking surf lessons since he was three.  He loves the water and fortunately for me he loves surf camp.  (What Mom wouldn’t like spending a relaxing day at the beach WITHOUT having to worry about their kids? Anyway, I digress).

I was dropping Little Man off at camp one morning and the head counselor came up to me in sort of a hushed tone.  “Little Man got himself a nick name this summer” the counselor said.  I smiled and took it as a sign of him fitting in and making friends.  I dropped of the surfboard off and proceeded to find my beach chair and book.  Surf camp is great book reading and tanning time for the Mommy!

A few hours later after camp was letting out I see my Little Man and his Junior Counselor running down the beach.  I then hear a 15 year old girl running after them yelling “Hey Sexy, wait up!” I thought it was a bit weird to hear a 15 year old call a 13 year old sexy, but whatever, I was enjoying my book and free time.

The next weekend I’m at the beach and one of the regular surf guys comes up to me and asks me something like “Hey, where’s sexy?”  I am completely confused and sort of take it as a compliment.  I smile and nod and just pretend that I don’t quite understand (You know, like when you missed the joke, but are afraid to say it.)

The following day I have Little Man with me and the same surf guy comes up to us. He high fives Little Man and says “Hey Sexy, what’s up?” 

WAIT A MINUTE!?!

Is my Little Man the “Sexy” that they keep talking about at the beach? 

He is 8! This is crazy. 

I quickly ask how Little Man got this nick name.  Apparently, Little Man is extremely confident in his surfing skills. During camp he would get up on a wave and say, “Look at me, I’m so sexy!”  Oh Lord help me!

I kind of laugh it off, take Little Man aside and tell him 8 year olds are Not Sexy and that it is not a good thing to say.  He agrees and we let it go. Plus, baseball season was starting and there was no way the boys on the baseball field were going to be ok playing with a player nicknamed “sexy”.

Life has been quiet for me and Little Man, but every few weekends we run into a few of the surf guys at the beach and they are still looking for “Sexy” to come out and surf with them.

A little coffee talk....

“Mom, do you think that machine can switch to Louisiana language?”

I never know what is going to come out of my Little Man’s mouth and this morning I was totally confused.

This past weekend I finally entered the modern world and got a Keurig.   Ok, to be honest, I was at a fundraising auction and there was one that not many people were bidding on.  Yes, I realize this is because EVERYONE on the planet already has a Keurig and I am behind the times.  Anyway, for the sake of charity I bought a Keurig. 

It turns out that I bought a super deluxe version of the little coffee genius.  (True confession, I am deeply in love with my shiny metal best friend that lives on my kitchen counter).  My Keurig is amazing!  It keeps the water hot – not like the old model in my office.  It has 8 settings for sizes of cups, yes 8 options!  And while your delicious hot beverage is brewing it plays a little movie of coffee and the hills of Jamaica or wherever coffee is grown.

So, this little contraption is now the center of my Little Man’s world in the morning.  He eagerly makes me a cup of Joe.  I can’t figure out if he likes pressing the buttons or watching the movie more, but either way I am NOT going to complain.

Since my son is ever so observant he read every button and screen on the digital display.  There is a screen that says “Española” and “François”.  He asked what that meant, I told him that was for people who would prefer to read in either Spanish or French.  He was cool with that answer, added milk to my coffee and went about his morning.

A few minutes later, as he was getting dressed for school he asks me, “Mom, does that thing show you Louisiana language?”  I told him that people from Louisiana speak English or some natives speak French.  “No Mommy, they don’t.  They speak Louisiana.”  I was a bit confused about what he meant.  He said “well mommy they spell ‘go’ funny like ‘geaux’, but they don’t mess with ‘Tiger’ because everyone knows you can’t change ‘Tiger’. 

Oh dear!  The joys of raising an LSU fan in Florida…..

DUH! moment of the day....

This photo popped up in my suggested matches on E Harmony.  Please note I haven't been a subscriber in a long time, but somehow they still feel the need to match me.  Anyway I digress....

Really guy, you are a psychic!?! 

Maybe if you were good at your job you would KNOW you were going to get a date and not need an online service? 

Just a thought...

That's some funny Sh*t

I’m funny. 

I can’t say I’m funny in a stand-up comedian kind of way.   I’m funny more in the “What the hell keeps happening to me!?!” kind of way.  Let’s just say that funny just kind of finds me and then I am able to re-tell the tale.   I tend to always have a funny story to share over the office Keurig.  (Ok, we are a modern office and don’t have a water cooler, so no need to use the water cooler reference)  And at happy hour I am sure to come up with some sort of loony tale of something that happened during my day that will have my friends giggling in their Pinot Grigio.  I am never short on stories for small talk and can usually hold my own in a conversation.

Until one weekend at work…  I happened to be working an event where Seth Rogen was spending three days with us.  Since I am always a professional I just went about my business, doing my job and being appropriately social.   Meanwhile inside I was dying to get a few minutes with Seth. I mean- that guy is FUNNY (with a capital F).  I am not a script writer and I didn’t have anything to pitch him, but I still wanted to at least have more of a conversation with him than small talk about our chicken kabobs.

The last party of the weekend was winding down and I was bone tired (Not sure what that really means, but if it means so tired your bones actually hurt – well I was).  I was slowly making my way to the hotel elevator when who do I see waiting for an elevator but Seth and his wife?   Since there was a long wait for the elevator I grabbed a few waters from the Hotel Concierge and shared with the Rogens.  We chatted about college life (the fact that Seth didn’t go to college) and how movies reflect colleges.  This was my moment!  I went to college, I had funny things happen.  I quickly racked my brain.  I shared my funniest memory of college that I swear should be in a movie. 

Set the scene:  A Southern Sorority House, quiet spring morning, just before the first class would start about 7:15 a.m.  Everyone in the house is sound asleep, except the one sister who is studiously dedicated to her business major.  Her petite frame is loaded down with books.  She carries a banana and a cup of coffee in her hand.

Action:  The girl opens the big wooden door of the house, hands full and not really looking at where she is going.  She steps directly into an open Port-O-Potty and screams!   Suddenly the entire house of girls is up and wondering what the sound (and the smell) is coming from the foyer.  Chaos ensued.

Yep, friends, this is a true story.  Some of the members of our neighboring Fraternity decided it would be a funny prank to put a Port-O-Potty on our front door step with its door open so that whoever left our house would walk directly into the smelly hut. 

So, anyway I was able to relay my little scene for Seth on our elevator ride to our hotel rooms.  As he was getting off the elevator he looked at me and said “Wow, you are funny, and that is some funny  Sh*t.”

I definitely appreciated the compliment. (And if you ever see a scene like that in a movie, you can thank me for the inspirational story)