Like me?

I grew up thinking everyone should like me.  I was raised with a positive attitude, taught to see the good side of things and never got too sad when I was picked last for the team in gym class. 

In middle school I tried out for the basketball team – I was awful, I got cut.  I moved on to cheerleading – I was decent and decided that I looked better in a cheerleading skirt than basketball shorts.  Throughout my teens and twenties I joined clubs, helped out, became president of clubs and got awards.  Ask me about college and I’ll give you a laundry list of all of the organizations I joined.  I don’t have your traditional “Drunk night at bar stories” I have more of the “taking care of sorority sisters, volunteering for charity stories”.  Sure I applied to be on the Homecoming court, I didn’t get picked – no biggy for me, I still volunteered on the Homecoming committee and participated in the parade.

Once I entered my 30’s I redirected my energy to taking care of my son, my family, and my friends.  I joined mom’s groups and boards. I was elected to more things and people liked me.  I was helping others, people liked me helping them – life was good.

Sure, I had my HUGE share of disappointments (Read previous blog posts) but I really don’t dwell on them.  I just keep my head up, move forward and carry on. 

Well, apparently there are some people in this world who don’t like me (SHOCKER I know!)  You may laugh at this, but it is truly hard for me to grasp.  I am still friends with 99.9% of the guys I have dated, my ex-husband is on speed dial and I still volunteer for most of the agencies I used to work for.  I really don’t have that many people who don’t like me, or so I thought…

Well, yesterday I found out that I wasn’t liked by someone.  Some person felt compelled to relay their dislike of me publicly, rudely and worse, anonymously.

What is the problem you ask?  Why am I dedicating a post to this topic?  So what if someone doesn’t like you or what you have to say? 

Well the problem is – I’ve never not been liked. 

Ok, that sounds terrible I know.  Conceited, maybe?  However it is true.  Maybe this is a lesson I was supposed to learn at age 11 when I didn’t make the basketball team, or at age 21 when I wasn’t chosen for homecoming court? However, learning this lesson at age 33 stings really bad.   There are people out there who don’t like me.

So, you say, what am I going to do about it? 

Hmm… I couldn’t sleep all night asking myself this very question.  Part of me wanted to quit everything I do, resign from all of my boards and just curl up and become a hermit.  The other part of me wanted to just blast it out to everyone I know as a big *** to whomever cares so much about me that they have to intentionally hurt me.  But in reality I’ve chosen to pretty much do nothing.  (I’m blogging of course because that makes me happy)  I’m not going to change who I am.  I am not going to be ashamed of anything I do (in real life or on facebook).  I’m not going to apologize for being successful, having friends and being happy.  I am not going to be scared that someone is jealous of me and I am not going to be sad that someone doesn’t like me.

I’m going to count my blessings.  I am going to be thankful for my true friends who have supported me, laughed with me and continue to like me.  At the end of the day, I don’t care if not everyone likes me.  I care more about the people I chose to like.

How Mr. Shape Ups got some action...

“I’m not dating guys I’m attracted to anymore” my friend Lynn told me.  What?! I asked.  “Yes” she said.  She proceeded to tell me her new theory on dating.  She is a beautiful, talented young woman – a bit of spunk with some tattoos and a creative side.  She had been attracted to the young, mysteriously handsome guy with a dark edge.  She figured out the problem with her type of guy was two-fold – they tended to be broke and they tended to by shady.   Her new theory was:  date guys she didn’t want to sleep with.

At first I thought she was completely nuts!  Why would anyone want to go out with someone they weren’t attracted to?  She told me that in truth she was attracted to the guys –eventually.  She bypassed the muscular guy with the tattoos and dated the guy in ShapeUps and a good job.  (Yes, her date showed up wearing Shape Ups!)  But she looked past is quirky dorkiness and found out that he was really funny and smart and they clicked on a different level.  She decided to open up her options and date older guys (like 15 years older), short guys, smart guys and so on.

Unbeknownst to Lynn,  I also had recently been opening up my ideas of dating.  I  looked back at my dating life and realized I was kind of in a rut.  I tended to the tall, somewhat dangerous looking young guy.  Have goatee and a tattoo? Wear a baseball cap and flip flops? No job?  I’m yours!  Realizing that my “type” wasn’t getting my anywhere I opened up my options to the universe.  (Ok, I sucked it up and went back to online dating – sorry people, but WHERE am I going to meet a guy in South Florida!?!)

My search requirements used to be: 6 foot 3 inches (A psychic told my mom once my true love is 6 foot 3), Tattoos, no kids and between the ages of 30 and 35.  In South Florida you will get 1,092 results all with pictures of tan Ken dolls at the beach - easy on the eyes, bad for commitment.

My new search requirements were broader. I began looking for sincerity, stable job, family, etc.  I looked at age now as just a number.  I started seeing pictures of guys in suits and ties and fewer and fewer self- photos of guys in the gym.  I opened my mind up more and started seeing different colors, races,religions, professions and so on. 

There is something to be said to opening up your mind in the dating universe and going beyond what you are initially visually physically attracted to.  I am not saying that I have found my Mr. Ever After.  However, I have experienced new things, been treated like a lady, been wined and dined, and have made some great friends and memories.  I figure I have the rest of my life to meet Mr. Right.  For now I am enjoying the search….

 … Oh and my friend Lynn?  Turns out Mr. Shape Ups can really turn her on in the bedroom too J

Life can be hard...

Life is hard, sometimes we fail at things.

We all know it.  But often, as women, moms, daughters and sisters we forget that we don’t have to be good at everything. 

I am lucky.  I got married and failed at it.  Actually, I pretty much sucked at being married and I’m happy about it.

What?!?!!  You might think, you say you are lucky that you failed at it – Crazy talk!

 Yes, I contend.  I had a short marriage, got a beautiful son and learned A LOT.

One of the most important lessons I learned came from my mom.  (Ok, mom – I do listen to you, I might not admit it, but I do)  I find myself telling my girlfriends her sage advice often.  What is this wit and wisdom you wonder? 

Well – that it is ok to fail, ok to be sad/mad/depressed.  It is ok to give up for a day and admit that life just sucks sometimes.  But here is the top secret miracle advice:  Give yourself a time limit – a day, a weekend, and a few hours.  Take some time for YOU.  Eat a container of ice cream, go crazy for a wild girl’s weekend, go on a shopping spree, watch sappy movies and cry your eyes out. Do whatever it takes to be YOU.  Then get over it.  Whatever you problem is, move on.  Give yourself some time to grieve, then pull yourself up and move on out/up/over your obstacle.

The most important part of this whole system is – set a time limit.   When I found out my husband was not going to be mine anymore my mom gave me 24 hours to get over it.  That might seem harsh, but I had a 20 month old son who needed a strong, sane mommy to take care of him.  A mommy that dwells in the past, cries over what might have been and lives in the land of “poor me” is not a good mommy.  My son needed security and assurance, he needed to be potty trained and bathed, he needed to go to Little Gym and have regular nap time.  He didn’t need a mommy who was off her rocker because “life got hard”.  Yes friends, life is hard - it even sucks sometimes, but we have responsibilities and need to move on and keep plugging along.

I don’t want to even begin counting how many of my friends have called me saying something tragic has happened (side note: tragedy is subjective, sometimes they find a husband cheating on them, sometimes they have just been dumped via a text message – each is tragic in its own right and I am not judging their tragedy).

My continual advice is – “Ok, let’s do something for you!”  Embrace the moment.  If you need to eat ice cream, I’m coming over with a gallon and two spoons.  Need a night out and some wine?  I’ll buy the first 3 rounds.  Need a crazy friend to drive around South Florida looking for your husband and his new girlfriend? I’ll be the co-pilot.  You get your time to be crazy, off your rocker and depressed.  But I promise you I’m only giving you a day or two… then I’m coming back, knocking on your door and getting you to live your life again.  I’m going to pick up your kids at day care and drop them off for you to feed them dinner.  I’m going to call you early in the a.m. and make sure you make your morning meeting.  I am going to meet you for lunch to make sure that you are eating.  Be your crazy, off your rocker self for a day – then suck it up and come back to reality. 

We all know that life is hard – it just is.  Let’s give a toast to our crazy moments, enjoy them and move on to better tomorrows!

I'm BAACCKKK.....

I’m not sure if you missed me…OK I know 1 person missed my blog (thanks Jenny!) so at least I have one fan in my fan club.  I do realize that I have taken way too long to hop back into the saddle of blogging.  Let’s just say I took a break for a little R&D (for my non-technical friends that is Research and Development).  In the case of my bloggity blog you could call it: Drinking and Dating.  While I was fully immersed in my D&D research, working full time and trying to be a mom, I just haven’t had time to write.  Ok, let’s face it – that is just an excuse.  These blogs only take me about 5 minutes, but alas that is my story and I’m sticking to it.

In the past three months (yes, I am so sorry dear bloggity blog I had abandon you for 3 long months) I have:  accomplished a lot at work, gained a lot of weight, lost a lot of muscles, made new friends, cut out some old friends, welcomed my son to his 7th year of life, paid a small fortune to the vet for dear Cliffy, bought a new car, visited with family, been elected to some new board positions, raised a lot of money, spent a lot of money, tried a sugar busting cleanse, ate an entire pound of Easter chocolate, traveled a bit, conquered strep throat, ran a few miles, completed a race, seen some old friends, dated a few good guys, met a ton of not-good-enough guys, and got a brand new job.  So, yes I have been busy dear Bloggity Blog readers.  I promise to keep the ball rolling and keep my posts coming.   There have been many adventures these past few months and I can’t wait to share them with you…