Misadventures in Online Dating

I have had A LOT of adventures in online dating. I got sentimental  in February of  2010 and signed up for Eharmony with all of their promises of marriage and life-long happiness.  (I’ll save those for another day)  Recently my friends have been using Plenty of Fish, I thought I’d give it a try – I mean, really? What else am I doing these days? I took it seriously and created a clever profile, uploaded a few pictures and pushed the enter button waiting for happily ever after.  Holy Hell! What I got was so completely strange.

Thursday  8:00 a.m.

To: Best Friends
Subject: I bit the bullet

Message: I signed up for plenty of fish and i have to tell you it FREAKS ME OUT!!

Not kidding, these people are nutzo!  In less than 1 hour I got all kinds of freaks. One guy  was  older than my dad and told me to change my profile, stop being sarcastic and take up golfing with my kid.  This other guy said he wasn't in to me, but his friend was and is him being black a problem?   The third guy wanted to know if one of the people in my pictures was single.  The only guy that was somewhat decent and has a sense of humor suffered a major injury and is now permanently in a wheelchair.

HELP!  this sucks....

So, I told myself I am opening it up to the universe/god/powers that be that I will be dating and looking for a good person.  If you know of any available men who aren't serial killers, have two working legs and like kids, send them my way.  AND to answer your question, I don't care if the guy is black, white, red, green.  Right about now a Martian is better than these online weirdos!

Thanks for reading my rant this a.m.  - love you all!!

Reply from my Super Fabulous Life Long Best Friend (who’s happily married):

Message:  From this I gather that plenty of fish is a dating site. I’m going to say that you should go w/eharmony or something.  I’ve never heard of plenty of fish.  Not that that means anything.  But apparently there are NOT plenty of fish.  

What the hell?  Stop being sarcastic and take up golf?!?  How does he even know that you are sarcastic by on-line?  (Well i guess people would know that i was....)

Is the other girl in your pic single??  You are an ass.  Who would ever say that?

And finally, since you don't discriminate, I say go for the guy in the wheelchair.  He sounds interesting and nice.  When you go out w/him, he has a handicapped sticker for his car so you will get super great parking and not have to walk in heels.  He also would get to the front of the line quicker in Disney World.  So we need to look at the positives, Dana.  

btw:  I know a GREAT guy.  Fraternity brother of Brian's.  Never married.  Works for the eagles.  Just was dating a girl w/kids so he's fine w/that.  So let's talk about you moving up here

Not to let a website get me down, I  think I'll stick it out a bit longer.  If worst comes to worst I'll be relocating to Deleware, buying an Eagles jersey and stalking the field for a soon to be husband.