Friday, July 18, 2014

Throwback Thursday

I was on the phone the other day and a friend said “I really like that Throwback picture of you and your little man.”  I was ready to make my standard witty come back  about how skinny I was, or how good my arms looked or how tan I was back then.  But then it hit me, like a huge block was just dropped on my head and told me to wake up and stop thinking about the way things used to be.
Yes, I looked damn good back then.  I was skinny, the skinniest I have ever been.  It is one of the pictures people tell you to tape to your refridgerator door for inspiration, as if seeing yourself skinny is going to take away the craving for ice cream and a beer.  (Sorry to say, but NO picture in the world will ever replace my love of ice cream).

In the briefest moment of complimenting my picture I had a revelation.  I am not that person any more.   I am so much better. 

That skinny version of myself was young and new at being a mommy. I was unsure of myself, my body, my parenting skills,  my career.    Today,  here is no way I would fit into those pants, or even try on that shirt (why set yourself up for failure?)    My arms are thicker, but they are also stronger.  I have been able to play with my little man for 8 more years and have developed muscles that help me lift him up when he falls down, throw a football and lug a surfboard, cooler and beach chair to the ocean.  My legs are stronger, not from the gym, but from running mile after mile catching up with him on a skateboard.  My butt is definitely rounder than it used to.  Maybe it is from sitting on my behind for endless hours of baseball tournaments?  And my stomach is certainly not flat anymore, but that is because I discovered the benefits of sitting with girlfriends and catching up over a bottle or two of good wine.

I am not bashing throw back Thursday and my photos.  I love looking back and remembering fun times.  I am realizing how amazing my life has turned out to be.  Maybe I should start a new trend “Love Yourself Friday”?   Because for right now I am not going to wish I looked like I used to, or feel sad that my favorite size 6 pants don’t fit.  I am happy to embrace my version of myself and celebrate how far I have come.