How to be a Single Mom on the Dating Scene

Let’s face it – dating is hard. Being a single mom who dates is harder.  But it doesn’t have to be torturous, and if done with the right attitude it can be fun!

I have spent my time dating as a single mom and I’ve had single mom friends who have dated. I’ve compiled a list of what to do and not to do when you enter the dating scene as a single mom.  Please take the advice I’m giving – there is no need to experience your own Duh! Moments while dating….

1.       First things first – realize that you are mom. No, DON’T wear your Mom Jeans, but you also don’t’ have to dress and act like a flighty 21 year old.  Be yourself.  Of course go out and get a cute outfit,  touch up your roots, and make sure you don’t have any baby slobber on your clothing.  But all in all you are a mom and any guy going out on a date with you should know that.   

2.       Don’t go looking for a Dad.  Your kid already has a Dad.  For whatever reason that Dad may or may not be in the picture.  Just accept that your child was dealt that Dad and will adjust to his/her arrangements.  Don’t start out with the idea that you are replacing one Dad with another Dad.  You are just going out on a date.  Take it one step at a time.  If the guy is really a great guy, then it will all work out  and he will step up to the plate when needed to fill the Daddy role.

3.       Don’t show all of your cards as they are probably full of crazy eights!  This is a date, not a confessional. We all have a past, it is what makes us who we are.  BUT we don’t need to spill the beans on the first date.  Yes, honesty is the best policy, but no one REALLY needs to hear your entire sob story.  Let that come out over time.

4.       Don’t bring your kids into it.  Get to know each other first.  Yes, eventually you will want to make sure your kids click with the guy, but there is no need to introduce them at the beginning – remember he is dating YOU, not your entire family.

5.       Don’t put off dating until: your child is older, you lose 20 pounds, you get a new job, you find a good babysitter, etc.  I know way too many women who put aside their social life for their children.  Know what happens?  Their kids grow up, leave home, and the ladies are stuck in their 40s, 50s, 60s, trying to figure out how to date.  Like Nike says – Just Do It! Get out there and start to meet people.  You aren’t looking for Mr. Perfect, you are just getting back on the scene and enjoying the adventure.

6.       Do take care of yourself.  In your previous relationship you probably put up with a lot of BS and sacrificed a lot of yourself.  Don’t do it this time.  Figure out who YOU are and what YOU need.  Then go look for it and only settle when all of your needs are met.  This is your golden opportunity, a do-over, a fresh start. Don’t blow the moment by falling back into your old pattern. 

7.       Understand that there are weirdo’s out there and protect yourself!  (See my previous blogs about online dating).  It is sad, but I have had far too many friends be the unsuspecting victim to nasty guys looking to take advantage of vulnerable women.  (And, yes, my single mommy friends you are vulnerable).  Look for red flags and listen to them.

8.       Have fun! Really, this is a great time in your life. You get to experience the joy of motherhood, the good times of raising a child.  AND you get to get out of the house, meet new people and experience the ‘other side’ - being single.  Take advantage of your “off” nights.  If you aren’t ready to jump into online dating  then just go out with your girl friends, take a class, join a club.  There is so much out there. Sitting home being a single mom is the worst thing you can do.  You need to have fun and enjoy yourself so that you can be full of life and happiness for your kids.

9.       Have patience.  Yes, patience is important.  The chance of you finding Mr. Right on the first time out is pretty slim.  I’ve been single for quite some time and I’m still searching the galaxies for my Prince Charming.  However, I know there is someone out there for all of us. It is just a matter of perseverance, timing and getting off of my couch!

How to Date a Single Mom

A few years back when I was catapulted into Singlemomdom I read an article written by a single mom about how to date a single mom.  At the time I read it, some of it stuck, but the rest was too much for me.  It turns out that she really knew what she was talking about and I wish I had saved her number because I feel as if we could have some great conversations.  Below is a list of how to date a single mom, it is not fool proof, nor does it apply to all single moms. However, it will help the guy get a leg up in the game of romance with a single mom.  (Don’t worry I have another blog for another day on how to be a single mom that dates….)

1.     Realize our time is limited and needs to be respected.  Sorry, it is just the facts.  Single moms can be a great catch.  We tend to be sensitive, caring, and have that ‘mommy’ instinct already kicked up into high gear.  However, you will need to plan a date in advance with a single mom.  Yes, you can catch us on our weekend away from the kiddos and we can join you for a quick getaway, but most of the time our free time is scheduled and planned.  Please plan accordingly and try your best to book a date with us in advance.  We don’t want to say no to the quick cup of coffee or trip to the ice cream parlor, but we have some more responsibilities than the average girl.

2.       Understand that a date out with you costs us money.  Yes, we want to spend time with you and get to know you, but we also need to book a babysitter.  The going rate is about $10/hour for one child, so as we show up for our date with you we are already adding up the costs of the night.  At least offer to buy our drinks or dinner.

3.       To go along with the previous two items, it takes us an entire village to coordinate a night out.  We have to get the kids picked up, fed, homework done and in bed.  We’ve coordinated babysitters, dog walkers, and car pool.  Please don’t text us at the last minute to cancel.  We want to spend time with you and don’t complain about the effort it takes us to get to you, but a text message right before you are supposed to show up is just plain wrong.

4.       We aren’t looking for an instant daddy for our kids.  Yes, if things go well and time progresses it may work out that you are in contention for the step daddy role, but really, just date us.  Don’t bring toys for our kids – bring flowers for the mom.  Don’t take us on play dates to the park – take us to hot night spots most mommies don’t get to go to.    We know we are a mom and we love that role, but try to get to know us before impressing our children.

5.       Understand that our parts might not be as tight as they once were – and complement them.  Pregnancy and labor, no matter what kind of shape your body is in, takes a toll on a body.  Things shift, sag, stretch and move around.  We know it and we work every day to get our body back to its starting place.  Please appreciate us for what we are, and tell us we look beautiful.  A single mom may not get whistled at, stared at or flirted with that often since we tend to be toting around our little preschool friends. So help a sister out and tell us we are looking fine.

6.       Don’t pretend we don’t have kids.  (OK, I know in #4 I say don’t bring toys for our kid) It’s a balancing act. Ask about our kids, one or two questions about who has them or what they are up to is fine.  You don’t need to get too involved, but also, don’t pretend they don’t exist.

7.       If you aren’t up to dating a single mom and we freak you out – tell us.  We don’t take it personally.  We have kids, we know it.  Not everyone is cool with that.  Just tell us and move on. Don’t waste our time. As mentioned previously, our time is valuable.

8.       Know that you won’t always be #1 and our attention will be divided.  As much as we want to give 110% to you and our new relationship, at times we can’t.  Our kids get sick; have homework and stuff we need to be a part of.  If you can’t take being in the backseat of our lives every now and then, just keep moving on.

9.       Relax and have fun with us.  Really – dating a single mom shouldn’t be any harder than dating a non mom.  Just be honest, be on time and have fun with us!  We are probably more apt to be will to try new things, hearing the latest band,  drinking shots on dates, staying out late and partying like we are 21.  You got to realize 6 days out of the week we are responsible, you can take us out and let us lose our responsibilities for a few hours!

A little perspective

This evening my little man had a complete and total meltdown.  I haven’t seen the sight of such drama since the terrible threes (authors note: threes were 1,000 times harder than the terrible twos).  Anyway, he was melting down like a nuclear reactor.  Every little thing set him off.

“Please pick up your shoe” = complete screaming for 2 minutes

“Please take a shower” = screaming, slamming doors, jumping on beds combined with pure yelling and rage for about 5 minutes

“Please put on your pjs” = screaming, tears, mean faces and ‘you are the worst mommy ever’ for about 8 minutes

Finally, I got him cleaned, dressed and in bed.  As he was lying down and finally able to talk I asked him what was wrong.  His response; “Mom, I’ve had a really long day with a lot to do.  First grade is very busy and much harder than what you do all day.  I’m tired and don’t feel like dealing with anything right now.”   

Good point little man.  Learning new things in a new place is really hard.  I forgot about the uncomfortable feelings you get from a new classroom, new teachers, new cafeteria, new baseball team and new coaches.  He was right.  Being 6 today was a lot harder than anything I had to deal with at home or work. 

Don’t share your Eggs Benedict

In this day of text messages, IMs, Facebook status updates and casual hookups, the line between being in a serious relationship and just dating can get blurred very easily. 

I have found that most of the time one person tends to push the "relationship fast forward button" as soon as the other makes contact.

 Guy  - “What are you drinking?”

 Girl  - “Corona”      What she REALLY thinks is “He cares! He’s genuine! He’ll be a provider.  I bet he has a great job, fantastic! I’ll quit my job, we will have five kids, maybe a house at the beach, retire early, babysit our grandkids together…”

 Guy - How many Coronas until I can take her home tonight? 

Here are a few of my top relationship status confusions… Again ALL of these are true, either happened to me or my friends, someone just needed  to say DUH! you two are NOT on the same page.

The Toothbrush

                Girl – He bought me a toothbrush to keep at his place.  I know this is the first step to commitment!  Next he will ask me to move in.

                Guy – I bought her a toothbrush so she will stop using mine and I won’t have to deal with her morning breath.

Woman’s Best Friend?

                Girl to Guy after sex – “I really wish we could have more nights like this together”

                Guy to Girl – “You have that vibrator – you’ll be fine”

The Text message:

                Text from Guy to Girl - “How is your day going?”

                Girl’s Thoughts – He cares about me!  He misses me! He wants to spend his day with me! He needs me!  He knows I’m the perfect girl!  Maybe we are going out tonight? Maybe he’s taking me away for the weekend? 

                Guy’s Thoughts – I’m bored at work and texted my entire contact list to see what they were up to.

The Facebook Picture Tag or Status Update:

                Girl -  Took a cute picture and tagged guy in facebook photo or in Status Update

                Guy - Shit! She thinks we are in a relationship.  Now the whole world will know that I was with her on Friday night.  How do I delete this tag?

Meet the Parents

                Girl – “My parents are coming into town, want to have dinner?”

                Guy – She is serious about this! I’m meeting the parents. Next step, I’ll need to get a ring.  I don’t know if I can handle the pressure!?!?!

                Girl – I thought you’d like a free meal…

He likes French Toast

                Guy – Drank too much and ended up spending the night

                Girl- He spent the night! I’ll find out what he wants for breakfast, I’ll show him I’m a good cook.   He’ll spend every night over here.  We are on our way to moving in.

                Guy – “ I’ll take French Toast” (as fast as possible please) and then make my escape.

                Girl – He likes French Toast! I love French Toast! We both love French Toast! We are perfect  together!  This relationship is meant to be!

I am not Dr. Ruth and I really have no idea how to find the perfect mate. But I can offer a few words of advice I gleaned from my guy friends over the years on how to keep things in perspective.  When I am about to go off of the deep end into happily ever after, I follow these few rules:

1.     Talk about your status.  Talking is the only way you will figure out what is going on.  If you are on the same page all is good.  Are you just hooking up? Looking to be married?  Tell the other person!  Honesty is the best policy.
2.      Take this test my friend suggested:  Were you both drunk?  Were you both horny? If either or both are yes, then more than likely it is just sex.  No more, no less, just sex.    Don’t make it more than it was and don’t expect a phone call the next day.
3.       Don’t let them spend the night/don’t spend the night.  Get out of there before the sun comes up!  If you are not in the mood for a relationship, don’t start the morning snuggling and certainly don’t share your eggs Benedict. 

In Search of a Passion

The other day we were sitting at a bar and a song came on the juke box that I had no clue what it was.  My friend immediately busted out with the band and began singing the lyrics.  I sat there in awe.  I have never been one to pay attention to bands/lyrics.  Sure, I can recite a few good rap lyrics from the early 90’s and I probably know all of the words to MC Hammer’s songs, but besides that brief foray into music, I am pretty much useless.

My friends and I were certainly impressed and she just looked at us and said “well, music is my passion”. I looked at the table and realized everyone there had a passion and I was plain broke in the passion department.  One friend loves growing herbs and veggies and cooking, another likes any sport or race that is a challenge, other friends love photography, scrapbooking, travel.  Me – I got nothing.

I have tried to find a passion.  Some may remember my brief foray into scrapbooking. I ordered a do it yourself kit from QVC and scrapbooked my way through a bottle of chardonnay.

I then took up bedazzling. I found a bedazzler at Walmart (another blog about that later) and started bedazzling everything I could find.  I was finally cut off when I tried to bedazzle the dog’s collar. 

I tried to take up photography and actually have three old style cameras, a few photography books and enrolled in one class – can’t say I ever developed a roll of film. 

I really got into Pilates and would consider that, but once I broke up with the Pilates instructor and had to pay for Pilates classes I lost interest pretty quickly. 

I tried taking up golf, but kept getting hit on at the driving range by old men telling me how to swing my clubs so before I swung at one of them I passed on becoming a golf pro.

I had a brief stint at baking but got banned from putting anything in the oven that contained sugar (too many fire alarms were going off).

I would say my passion is shopping but really can’t say it’s a passion – more like therapy.

I could say I’m passionate about being a mom – but really I’m not.   I LOVE being a mom, but it is a job, a requirement and mission, not so much a passion.

For days I thought about what my passion is.  I asked around for ideas about what my passion could be.  Some suggested my passion is party planning, happy hours, planning events for friends, being with others, socializing.  That could be a good contender as my passion,  but hey, it is also my JOB. 

So, I guess I’m either really lucky that I’m passionate about my job, or I’m really boring and need to find yet another hobby…

Damn you Oprah!

Little did I know 30 was so riveting.

A few years ago Oprah joyfully announced to the world that 40 is the new 50!  She then conceded that 50 is the new 60 and made the majority of her viewers happy.  What Oprah failed to mention is what happened to 30. 

30 and the nine years that follow is that time span of ‘growing up’.  You can’t use the excuse that “it happened when I was young - you know like in my 20’s”.  You are expected to be established in your career, relationship, home ownership, etc.   30’s can still have fun, but what a good friend of mine texted me the day of her 30^th birthday was that she just can’t bounce back as fast after a few glasses of wine.  That’s right – 30 kind of hits your 29 in the face and says take that! Welcome to 30 it’s all about to get real.

And so my 30’s began.  My sister (11 months older and therefore an expert on the subject of being 30) was right.  Once you turn 30 things get harder.  Your fat cells seem to stick to you like glue.  You can run, sweat, jazzercise and plank until you are blue in the face (or my case red) and still those fat cell suckers won’t come off like they did back when you were 28.  Your skin starts to turn all shades of fun, from sun spots, to pre cancerous growths, to cellulite pockets - you are dermatologist’s dream come true.  Your hair decides to do something funky - either fall out, change color or texture.    Your clothing still fits, but you have to account for a new muffin top that may have sprouted over night or some extra thick upper arms (where the hell do they come from?!)   

You may think I’m crazy and say “hey, this isn’t true. Oprah would never forget about the 30’s.”  Of COURSE Oprah would.  Who wants to talk about the crazy changes that happen in your 30’s?  I mean it is much more fun to talk about How Stella Got Her Groove Back, than it is talking about How Stella LOST Her Groove.

This past Saturday my friends and I were sitting around the pool doing what girls do.  The only difference instead of talking about the previous night’s escapades, nursing a hangover, or planning a weekend getaway, our conversations went like this: 

                First subject – Colonoscopies and bowel movements.  Yep!  One of us had to undergo her first trip the Endo and like all good friends we shared the details.   Discussed the best diet plans, Endo docs, follow up appointments and so on.

                 Next subject – frozen cervixes and squamos cells.  Yep! We are on to the OBGYN conversation and again debated the procedures, pros and cons to birth control types, and how the hell does the Doc actually freeze a cervix? 

                Third conversation – B12 and exercise.   Why do 2 out of the 4 of us lack B12?  What is the best way to get B12, shots? Drops?  Food?  Oh yes! By this time I KNOW you are riveted to hear what our fourth topic was, get ready, get set….

                CORNS.  I know you are excited.  One of the girls is experiencing her first corn and how the heck do you treat one?  How do you get one?  And what is a corn anyway?

Once we hit the "corn" topic I NEW what happened to 30. 

30 got introduced to Blanche, Sophia, Rose and Dorothy. 

30 isn’t the new 20.  30 is the new Senior Citizen. 

I think our next Girl's Day will be looking to hang out with some Golden Girls.  I hear they lived nearby in South Florida....

A little wisdom...

“This here’s a tale for all the fellas tryin to do what those ladies tell us…”

I’ve been sitting here trying to come up with something to blog about. Apparently I’ve been kind of boring.  My little man suggested I blog about football, but since we are still in pre-season and I haven’t caught a game yet, I decided to postpone that blog.  However, one subject that needs to be addressed is “How to have a good first date”.  I am sending this as a shout out to my guy friends, hoping to impart a little wisdom on you as well as save the girls you go out with the headache of dealing with what I’ve already dealt with.  Here it goes: (all of these have happened to me or a very good friend of mine – I promise, I don’t make this stuff up)

1.    Don’t pick the restaurant then open the conversation by saying “I heard this place got shut down for having such a gross kitchen”.  
2.    Don’t ask a girl how much she makes.  When she answers “enough to be comfortable and pay my bills”, don’t ask – but really how much do you make?!
3.    Don’t ask the girl to split the bill.  If you picked the date, the place, the drinks and the food then don’t ask the girl to pay.  If she offers to pay and you are short on cash, say “yes, let’s split it”, but if you really want to impress the girl just pay for her.  I promise it will make a good impression.
4.    Don’t take her to a chain restaurant.  (OK, this is where my friends and I disagree.  Since I live where there are tons of independent restaurants and fun places to try I think you should at least try a new spot.  But, if you live in the middle of nowhere and Bob Evans is the ONLY place, then ok, you get a pass.  Other than that – stay away from chains! They don’t show your personality and are a no go.)
5.    Don’t recite poetry – ever – period.  Sorry, I just can’t ever see a place for poetry on a first date.  It is creepy and makes your date uncomfortable.
6.    If you meet her online; don’t ask her where she lives.  It is ok to ask about what town, but don’t ask the street, corner, address, house style, etc.  Don’t ask to pick her up and when she says no, insist.  The reason she met you online is because she wants to remain a bit anonymous, if she likes you, you will see her place soon enough.
7.     Don’t double book.  Of course we are all very busy, but booking back to back dates and pushing one along faster is rude.  We all know if the date isn’t working out well.  Just drink you drink, pay the bill and move on.
8.   Don’t check out other girls at the bar.  Of course you are single and ready to mingle, that is the reason you are ON a date.  But trying to make eye contact and flirting with the bartenders is a total turnoff for any girl.
9.  Smell good.  (Do I really need to go into this?)  Actually, I do.  Please shower and deodorize before going on a date.  You don’t need to shave, iron, or tuck in your shirt.  But please put a bit of effort into smelling good. 
10.   Don’t go on a date if you aren’t over your last relationship.  Sure, we all need to get back in the saddle, man up and try again. But maybe find a rebound at a bar?  Girls put a lot of effort into dates.  I know we make it seem effortless. We get all flirty and breezy and pretend we have always had our cute dress, hair perfectly done, nails manicured and things waxed.  Let me tell you the truth – we’ve thought about this date since the minute it was booked.  We researched the menu at the restaurant, we plotted our parking spot and route to the front door, we called our friends and formulated the perfect outfit, we spent hours at the salon, highlighting, low lighting, trimming, waxing, buffing, and scrubbing.  We’ve invested a ton of cash into our new makeup; purchased the perfect tummy slimming, leg lengthening, cellulite hiding undergarments.  We’ve purchased a new bra with just the right amount of push up to show the perfect bit of cleavage.  We haven’t eaten in days, we’ve done double time at the gym, and we took off ½ day of work to be perfect for our date.  So, please don’t waste our time.  We are worthy of a great man and we expect you to give 100% to our date.

I can’t promise these rules are foolproof since all of us ladies are different.  But I do promise that if you do your best to follow them you will be able to Bust a Move….

1. A little Young MC wisdom for you

Things change but yet stay the same...





Roomates with the Little Men in our lives





This past weekend I took my little man on a road trip to see my Sorority Sisters in Orlando.  As I was driving the long trek up the Turnpike and Jamming out to “The Best of Kidz Bop” – yes there is a Best of Edition- I got to reminiscing.

My mind wandered off to the days of road trips to Key West, cheap tequila, staying out to sunrise and scarfing down McDonald’s everyday because we could and we wouldn’t gain a pound.  To visiting each other in our first apartments, so proud of the fabulous furniture we found at Goodwill and something on clearance at IKEA.  We knew all of the best 2 for 1 happy hours in our neighborhoods because that was all we could afford.  And if we really liked the guy we were dating, when friends came to visit we would make the new man take us all out on the town. 

 We got together for weddings and wore the requisite bridesmaid dresses, smiled through the bridesmaid teas, pedicures, and pictures.  We paid for each other’s shots on our bachelorette parties, kept secrets about each other’s new husbands, and promised each other married life would be fantastic.  As we started having babies, we rallied again for the baby showers and family get together; we upgraded our drinks to champagne and sparkling wines for our preggo friends.  We started exchanging recipes and talked about shopping for houses. 

As I’m exiting off the I-4 with my little man in the back seat talking to be about Shamu and Sea World. I welcome myself back to reality.  

I am dropping him off with some of the most important people in my life. My roommate married a great guy and they have a terrific family.  Her husband is the kind of guy that when I roll into town, hand over my little man and run out the door with his wife; he understands just how important our time together is.  No, we are not going to hop in a car and head to Key West.  We are racing out the door to visit with another sorority sister.  We look forward to these days for months.  There were days when we all lived in our house, took our time together for granted, spent our meals talking about classes, boys, books, and TV shows.  But now we are far apart and our time together is limited by bed time and a babysitter. 

Tonight as we try new microbrews things are still the same.  We still laugh and cause a scene at the restaurant, we still buy the happy hour specials, we still talk about classes, boys and books.  However, we are discussing Kindergarten, what level reader our kids are on, how much TV is ok for a 5 year old.  And of course we talk about the Happy Meal toys at McDonald’s.

Key West 2000

AXO 75th Reunion

Sisters and a few legacies...We have known each other since 1997!

A favorite list

Meet Me

Apparenlty Plenty of Fish has a feature where a picture pops up on your phone and you can say Yes, No, or Maybe to Meeting someone.  Really, I'm not sure what the point is, because if you really want to meet someone on a dating site, wouldn't you just email them? Or IM them? Or Txt them? The whole "meet you" thing is like passing a note in class telling someone you think they are cute. Not really committing to anything, just throwing the thought out there.


Anyway, one night while I was bored I decided to check out the Meet Me feature and this is what I got:

Like any girl would, I immediatly sent it to my friends asking for help

Me:  WHAT THE HELL!?!

Friend 1’s Response:  Delete Now

Me: I’d rather be a nun…

Friend 1:  I’m saving that picture

=======

Friend 2: Go on a date with him!

Me:  I’m dying

=========

Sister: Omg!

Me:  I know, I’m dying

Sister:  I’m speechless

Me:  But it’s for real, so scary!

Sister: Not sure this site is for you

=============

Friend 3: 1) I like the dogs. 2) He's not bad. 3) The two together is not good. But perhaps he just got bad advice about what picture would make him attractive? I say go FOR IT. Bring some dog bones and you're IN

Me: obviously you have been married too long if you are suggesting I take dog bones with me on a date!!!!

Friend 3: cracking up--too true. If I WAS dating, though, I'd totally bring a gift bag. In this case of dog bones, but seriously, the gift bag is a total ice breaker. So I've heard. And in my experience, people that have a professional picture of themselves taken with their dogs?? Well, they really really like their dogs. And would appreciate the bones, is all I’m sayin’.

And with those responses I happily deleted my account. Sorry Plenty of Fish, I am a land lover and will stay that way for a bit longer…

Misadventures in Online Dating

I have had A LOT of adventures in online dating. I got sentimental  in February of  2010 and signed up for Eharmony with all of their promises of marriage and life-long happiness.  (I’ll save those for another day)  Recently my friends have been using Plenty of Fish, I thought I’d give it a try – I mean, really? What else am I doing these days? I took it seriously and created a clever profile, uploaded a few pictures and pushed the enter button waiting for happily ever after.  Holy Hell! What I got was so completely strange.

Thursday  8:00 a.m.

To: Best Friends
Subject: I bit the bullet

Message: I signed up for plenty of fish and i have to tell you it FREAKS ME OUT!!

Not kidding, these people are nutzo!  In less than 1 hour I got all kinds of freaks. One guy  was  older than my dad and told me to change my profile, stop being sarcastic and take up golfing with my kid.  This other guy said he wasn't in to me, but his friend was and is him being black a problem?   The third guy wanted to know if one of the people in my pictures was single.  The only guy that was somewhat decent and has a sense of humor suffered a major injury and is now permanently in a wheelchair.

HELP!  this sucks....

So, I told myself I am opening it up to the universe/god/powers that be that I will be dating and looking for a good person.  If you know of any available men who aren't serial killers, have two working legs and like kids, send them my way.  AND to answer your question, I don't care if the guy is black, white, red, green.  Right about now a Martian is better than these online weirdos!

Thanks for reading my rant this a.m.  - love you all!!

Reply from my Super Fabulous Life Long Best Friend (who’s happily married):

Message:  From this I gather that plenty of fish is a dating site. I’m going to say that you should go w/eharmony or something.  I’ve never heard of plenty of fish.  Not that that means anything.  But apparently there are NOT plenty of fish.  

What the hell?  Stop being sarcastic and take up golf?!?  How does he even know that you are sarcastic by on-line?  (Well i guess people would know that i was....)

Is the other girl in your pic single??  You are an ass.  Who would ever say that?

And finally, since you don't discriminate, I say go for the guy in the wheelchair.  He sounds interesting and nice.  When you go out w/him, he has a handicapped sticker for his car so you will get super great parking and not have to walk in heels.  He also would get to the front of the line quicker in Disney World.  So we need to look at the positives, Dana.  

btw:  I know a GREAT guy.  Fraternity brother of Brian's.  Never married.  Works for the eagles.  Just was dating a girl w/kids so he's fine w/that.  So let's talk about you moving up here

Not to let a website get me down, I  think I'll stick it out a bit longer.  If worst comes to worst I'll be relocating to Deleware, buying an Eagles jersey and stalking the field for a soon to be husband.

What's with the title?

Duh!

So, you are probably wondering, why the title Duh!?

Well, it comes from a lunch I had with two of my girlfriends a few years ago.  We were all in different life stages, yet we each had similar problems with our relationships with the men in our lives.  Over drinks we figured out that if someone was there to just smack us upside the head and say  “Duh! What are you thinking?” we might be in different spots.  It was then and there that I decided to write a book called Duh! (ok, so this is a blog, and it is free and there is no publisher knocking on my door, but nonetheless I’m writing)

But, really, think about it, there are so many instances in life that someone should have said Duh! I’ll share a few- since this is MY blog and I can share what I want when I want.

Duh!

I'm on a first date with a guy.  We drive out to Virginia suburbs from Washington D.C.  We watch a football game and drink beer and have sandwiches.  He drinks so much that I have to drive us home.  Fast forward a bunch of years and I’m married to a man who drinks two bottles of wine a night.  Yes, people, someone should have said “Duh!” to me and smacked me upside the head the moment I took the keys and drove him home instead of leaving his drunk butt at the bar.

Duh!

I’m at McDonald’s with my screaming two year old son.  The only reason we are sitting down inside Micky D’s is because we had been driving in circles for 45 minutes debating between Chipotle and McDonald’s.  Sam obviously crying for a happy meal and me vying for an ice cold Corona.  So, we are in Ronald’s fabulous abode munching on our nuggets when Sam smacks his head on the booth in a fit of two year old rage.  The nice guy in the booth next to us happens to save Sam and being a fireman comes to the rescue of a frazzled mom.  Fast forward a year and a half later and I’m stuck paying the bills, and shelling out cash for the nice Fireman’s food, rent, gas.  Yes, people there IS a reason a grown man is at McDonald’s without kids on a weeknight – he’s broke.  Duh!

I am sure I have a lot more Duh! Moments and I will gladly post them as I get them.  Please feel free to add yours. I really think it will make a nice coffee table book one day.  (Next to my Photos of Online Daters edition)

Lists

Lists,

I like to make lists - lists of things to do, list of things to shop for, lists of bills to be paid.  Some may say I’m a bit too into lists, but hey! I have friends who make lists of their lists, so as long as I stick to one list per day I think I am ok.

This whole writing idea started with a list (that and a shower, but more about that later). I woke up one day (in the proverbialy sense, I think I was awake for a few hours) when a thought hit me.  Here I was, 33 days away from my 33^rd birthday and I really can’t tell you anything that was exciting or exceptional during my 32^nd year.  Sure, some years were monumental, like graduating college and getting my first apartment, first job and first real boyfriend – shout out to 2000!  Other years were memorable like the birth of my son, the death of a loved one, or a fun girls weekend away.  But I spent all of being 32 doing absolutely nothing.  Really – nothing.  I lost my job a month before 32, lost my house two months into 32, lost my car a few weeks after that, moved home with my parents, looked for work, had some consulting jobs, fought to get paid by said jobs, put money into a broken car, put money into my son’s past times, found more consulting jobs, one road trip to middle of nowhere Ohio, one quick race in the middle of nowhere Florida, a good tan, ten pounds lighter and here I sit… 33 days until I’m 33 and making a list as to how to hurry up and change my 32^nd year before I enter my 33^rd year.

I started my list thinking I would make 33 changes before I turned 33, but let’s be honest change is hard and if I didn’t do something for the last 32 years, why would I hurry up and do it in 33 days?  I surveyed friends and got suggestions like – run 33 miles, go on 33 dates, lose 33 pounds, try 33 new foods.  I thought about making small changes each day, so on day 1 I got bangs, but day 1.5 I hated the bangs and am now researching 33 new wigs to fix the mistake.  Day 2 I decided was going to be the start of a serious exercise routine, until I went to the Dr. for a ‘routine procedure’ and he tells me no running or lifting for a week – Day 2 goal cancelled and now I need a Day 2 and Day 3 goal. 

Enter day 3 and my shower.  I often find I do my best thinking in the shower. There is just something about the shampoo that wakens up my brain cells and starts my mind thinking.  I’ve been growing my hair out for about 2 years or so now (number 26 on my to-do list to change my life).  I wonder how I got through my day when my hair was in a cute pixie cut circa 2002.  I mean those showers were speedy, just wash with a little baby shampoo and I was outta there!  To think, maybe I could have gone on to graduate school or law school? Maybe I would have invented something or made a huge discovery?  Oh well, I digress, back to my shampoo on Day 3.   Ever since I can remember my friends have told me to write a book. Actually, my co-workers used to tell me to go on The Real World (you know the MTV Reality show before Reality TV).  My dear friend Eli insisted that I should have a tv camera following me around since according to him my life was a sitcom.  Fast forward a few years and I get stranded in Baton Rouge – ok, not “Stranded” but seriously, BATON ROUGE!?!  Well, I was pregnant and stuck so I created a website and wrote about my journeys.  This is how one communicated with friends prior to facebook, blogging, texting. I was hip and oh so cool with my website.  Anyway, again, people said “write a book”.  Nah, I’m way too busy and way too cool to write a book, blog, tweet.   Fast forward a few more years, survive a divorce, enter the world of singlemomdom, start dating, move in with parents, work, quit work, get fired from work, make friends, lose friends, and this entire time my friends keep saying “write a book.”   Back to being in the shower, scrubbing the suds into my hair (Lauren my hairdresser will be so mad when she reads this – according to her I am only to wash my hair twice a week, but I think that is just plain nasty and I scrub a dub often),  alas the thought hits me!  My 33^rd challenge for my 33^rd year is to write a book.  To sit down and put the crazy thoughts that pop into my head and out of my mouth onto paper. And for those of you who know me, my thoughts sometimes tend to spend a wee little bit of time in my head before they just go POP out of my mouth. (more about that later)

To hold myself accountable to my 33day challenge I spread the word to my most favorite supporters. I am tapping them for their support, insight and reminders of the funny shit that I have said and tend to forget.  See above comment, thoughts just run right out and tend not to hang on in my memory.

So, as I start this 33 day challenge, please support me.  (By support I mean tell me I’m fabulous, a perfect writer, you hang on my every word, I have you laughing out loud – but don’t use LOL because I hate it!)  For now I think I’ll start as a blog. Eventually maybe I’ll write a book or a column or nothing, maybe this will just be a little file that lives in the computer that made me happy for 33 days before I turned 33.

Rules of my book writing  (list #1)

1.    I would love to change names in here but really I am not that creative, so if I use your name its cause I love you. I’ll try to come up with a fun nickname or secret id for those stories that are just too embarrassing.  But when it comes to family it is really hard to substitute Fred Flinstone for my Dad and Wilma for my Mom, but Debbie does look good with big white pearls

2.   The stories and thoughts will be true and all mine

3    I might curse, I try not too, but sometimes a curse word is just the right word at the right time

4.  Things might get a little personal – just saying. Can’t say I want my mom and dad reading this but hey! If it’s a true story (cue MTV True Story Lyric here), then I might as well just share

5.   There probably won’t be any order to my posts.  Really, I thrive on order, but my brain just doesn’t work that way. So, if you want me to write “blog” about something, email me and let me know. I have a storage chest in my noggin about ideas for this thing and who knows what will pop up first?

6.   There will be a lot of lists