A little communication can go a long way....

This blog is no stranger to my rants about online dating, I’ve been there done that and don’t need to buy the t-shirt.  I have officially given up the online world of looking for a date.  I am not knocking the experience as I know far too many people who have found their happily ever after online.  However, I have realized a few things during this process (Ok I have learned A LOT but it can’t all fit into one bloggity blog). 

One thing I learned is about myself.  I realized that I am a communicator.  Yep – it took me three years and a lot of weirdo relationships to figure that out.  I could have glanced down at the business card holder on my desk – it says “Director of Communication” underneath my name, or I could have glanced at my diploma “BS College of Communication” or looked at my PTA Volunteer role “Public Relations”. But oh well! It took me a lot of late night text messages, weirdo emails and a few left voicemails to figure out that I am a communicator.

What does communication have to do with online dating you ask?  Well in my humble scientific method skills I have hypothesized that those who post online do so because they lack the ability to communicate in person.  (Pretty good theory right?!?)  I am not saying that everyone who online dates can’t speak, more like they tend to be the type of person who is happy to check in and out of a relationship with a quick email.  As if a quick “Hey” via a text or email qualifies as a solid communication and shall progress your relationship status quite nicely.

I am here to declare that a ‘How r u?’ text message does not count as communicating while trying to get to know someone. Yes, it is a good start, but if you send that message you better be prepared for my answer, then you should wittily respond something back that shows you actually READ the text and that you have something to offer in return.

Over and over again I get the “Hey, watz up” text… Really?  Then maybe a day or two later a “how u been?”  Or, my favorite… “I’m bzy, call u ltr”  Guys – here is a clue.  IF you actually want to see a girl, pick up the phone and call her.  Say hello, ask a question, listen for a response, pretend you heard her and say something nice back.  It is very easy to start communicating and it may lead to something more, like a date!

I am not man bashing here, I am sure there are plenty of girls out there who are just as comfortable with the random text messages and one line emails that progress a relationship along.  I am simply not one of them.

So, from now on, no more online dating sites for me.  No more replies to 3 word text messages.  No more sending emails listing in paragraph form my thoughts on life only to get a response like “sounds good”.  I am declaring loud and clear that I am a communicator and that I need communication in return.

As far as finding a date? I’m not really sure how that will happen, but I’m thinking I should start looking into people who have “Communication” in their job title…..

My favorite place

A few weeks ago my little man and I were watching a cheesy Steve Martin movie. One of the ones where he has ten kids, is busy working, mom is busy working and inevitably they lose one of their brood.  The family runs around their neighborhood, calls the police and is panic stricken.  Then the youngest of the 10 remembers where the missing kid’s favorite place is (his old house) and Steve Martin saves the day, rescuing the kid and quitting his job all in an emotional montage.

Well, after watching this movie my little man looked at me and assured me that I have nothing to worry about because he didn’t have a favorite place and he would never run away.  I changed the perspective and assured him that our home was his favorite place and therefor he had no need to run to anywhere else.  I fell asleep that night really proud of my awesome parenting skills – high five for the mommy!

The next morning as I was getting ready for work my little man came rushing to me with a serious look on his face. 

“Mom” he said, “I figured it out!”

Figured it out?  It's 6:30 a.m. what are we figuring out so aearly? I haven't even had my coffee yet!  

“Ok” I say, “tell me what you figured out”. 

He says “My favorite place! I remembered where my favorite place is. (He hesitates, trying hard to remember the name) It is where Paw Paw lives. (He hesitates more, still thinking)  You know where it’s cold? Morgan and my cousins are there?”

 I say “Baton Rouge?”

 He jumps up and down in agreement.  “Yep! – that’s it, that’s my favorite place!”

  I say “Ok, so if you run away, I need to go to Baton Rouge to find you?”

 “Yes” he happily says.  Then he hesitates and looks at me, “but Mom, I need a cell phone and Paw Paw’s phone number because I have no idea how to get there.”

Ok, I think.  I am still lucky he won’t be running away for a bit longer as Baton Rouge is a bit far. But if he does attempt it, then at least I know where to start looking.  As for getting him his own phone?  NOT going to happen little man…

Ho Ho HOLY CRAP the Holidays are here?

I realize that I have not been a good blogger lately – let’s face it, I stink at it.  I committed myself to this project and I pretty much gave up for a month or two.  Since I’m a good Catholic girl I believe in confession and moving on. So, I confess to getting a life.  Yep, I got one! I no longer sit at home sipping my coffee and dreaming up something witty to post on my blog or as a facebook update. 

Now a days I’m working full time at a pretty great social service agency, waitressing on the weekends, being a full time single mom and trying to throw in a date now and again.  I’ve pretty much given up wine nights out with the girls, I have no resemblance of a tan, and my jeans are too tight because I haven’t run or seen the inside of a gym in weeks.

In the middle of me getting a life, getting a few jobs and trying to recreate a social life I missed the holiday cheer.  All of a sudden Christmas snuck up on me. Usually I’m the one decorating the office Christmas tree, planning the cookie baking parties and sending out holiday cards. Somewhere in the middle of working and my little man’s school and all of the other day to day stuff I forgot about the holiday.  Sure, I know it is coming, but let’s be honest, Costco and Wal-Mart have been telling me Christmas is coming since August – kind of like Peter and the Wolf if you ask me.  However this time the Wolf is here, knocking on my door and I just hope he is carrying the Heely’s I purchased last night on Zappos.com because those suckers better be under the tree this week!

Always being one to look at the bright side of things, I dedicated last weekend (my one free weekend with my little man) to ALL things Christmassy.  We ice skated, observed the 100 foot Christmas tree, watched a ton of holiday specials, visited Santa, baked cookies, shopped for presents, wrapped presents, drank hot cocoa, slept in our holiday pjs and helped the less fortunate. 

So, who says that you need a month, or a week to prepare for your Christmas cheer?   I say, let’s cram it all into one weekend and blow it out!  And my Christmas wish for 2012?  A personal assistant – I mean, someone needs to send out my holiday cards next year!

Where did all of the FUN go?

"Woo Hoo!"

I hear as my little man goes careening down the street as fast as his little legs can peddle with no hands on his handle bars.  My heart starts pounding as I watch what inevitably will become yet another trip to the emergency room.  I yell out to him “Stop!” “Slow down!” but today he chooses to ignore me and keeps on peddling.

Emergency averted, he is growing up and can handle himself this time.

A few minutes later as I catch up to him slowly peddling my beach cruiser he asks me “Mom, when did you become no fun?” 

Good question little man – I have been asking myself that a lot lately.

Recently, I’ve been back on the dating scene and a common question I get is “what do you do for fun?”  Why is this question so hard for me to answer? I mean I think I have fun? My friends and I laugh a lot and I have a good time doing whatever it is I’m doing, but what makes me ‘fun’?  I think I might have unknowingly crossed a certain threshold where “Fun” doesn’t exist and responsibility, practicality and parenthood took over.

Maybe I am now just valuing my responsibilities more in my 30’s than I did in my 20’s?  Gone are the nights of happy hours starting at 5 and ending at midnight three or four nights a week.  Now, happy hour is every other week, starting at 6:30 and home by 9:00.  Let’s face it, my friends and I now have jobs with responsibilities and can’t leave work at 5:00, nor can we leave our work at the ‘office’, we are now working before, during and after happy hour.

My friends and I still enjoy a good concert, sporting event and special event.  However, these days we drink 1 glass of beer with two waters and order fruit and pretzels at the concession stand.  We have personal trainers to meet in the morning and little men and women to get off to school before the sun comes up.

Our road trips are still very fun and full of laughter, but these days we plan months in advance, use our frequent flier miles to book our hotels and eat at sit down restaurants instead of at the fast food drive thru. So, maybe our “fun” met up with aging and maturity and became a bit more responsible? 

I think I need to invent my new definition of “Fun”.  Fun to me is seeing my little man experience new things, accomplish something he didn’t think he could and just being there for him.  Fun is laughing out loud with my girlfriends over a good bottle of wine and helping each other solve our dilemmas – whether they are marriage, dating, or work related.  Fun is a night at Bingo getting to know the local senior citizens and hearing their stories about their past winnings.  Fun is sealing a deal at work and accomplishing a goal.  There is no question that “Fun” for me involves memories, laughter and friends.  Too bad I’m not able to relay this to my little man with a quick answer on our bike ride.

I guess I’ll just have to show him that his mom is “Fun” by riding fast down the road without holding on to my handle bars!

Where have all the good bloggity blogs gone?

Ok, I confess to being lazy about my blog.  I am honestly not lazy – I am far from it.  I’ve been busy working. I’m working on work projects, working on friend’s projects, working as a volunteer at my son’s school, working as a volunteer for other groups and even working on the weekends as a waitress.  (Christmas is around the corner folks- gotta save up!)

So my free time, or what is left of it, is pretty much eaten up with being a mom, trying to maintain some sort of a social life and my sanity.

Plus, I realized that putting everything out here on my blog is pretty much crazy.  I’ve had a few friends (ok, all of them male) ask why I would want to share my thoughts with the online world?  I answered; better out than in.  Of course I want to share, I’m a girl, and I share.  Sharing is caring folks. 

Recently I’ve entered back into the dating scene.  (No, I won’t discuss any current activities on here, too much pressure and too personal)  Anyway, I mentioned to not one, but two different guys that they should read my blog. I mean, come on, it is like a “How to Guide to Date Dana” on here, it’s their very own cheat sheet.  Their responses?  Both said that it would take all of the fun out of getting to know me.  They didn’t want a cheat sheet and were ready to tackle the dating game without any clues. 

Ok, gentlemen – game on!  I’ll put a hiatus to my blogging about myself and we will see what will happen. 

(and bloggity blog followers – I’ll keep you posted!)

Ways to get (and keep) a Girl's Heart

I love this photo!  It is a LIST and it has some good advice.  I have a few more of my own  to add:
13. Kiss her forehead
14. Tell your friends about her and how much you like her (in her presence gets bonus points!)
15  Smile when she walks in the room
16.  Encourage her, become her biggest fan
17.  Cook for her
18.  Eat whatever she cooks and pretend you like it
19.  Tell her she is beautiful, especially on days when she's worked really hard and is really tired
20.  Tell her she is smart
21  Surprise her with little gifts and things she likes
22  Don't send flowers - get more creative and show her you went the extra step
23   Like her family and enjoy spending time with them
24.  Be yourself

A little laundry on the table...

 

I remember the first few weeks of being home with my little man after he was born. To say I was tired was an understatement. I had a little man depending on me for everything and I was stressed. I also was a newly wed, new homeowner and new at being a stay at home mom.   My 'To Do" list was pretty big and I was getting overwhelmed.

During my pregnancy and 'nesting' phase I was a super woman. I baked, I swept our floors twice a day, I gardened, I cooked, I folded laundry, I was the perfect wife and housekeeper. Once my little man came into the picture I tried hard to maintain the standards I had set earlier. Except for one small problem - I couldn't do it.

My day revolved around feeding and nap times. Sure I could put a load of laundry in, but the chances of me remembering it was in there were pretty slim. I could probably whip up something for lunch, but the dishes? They would just have to wait a day or two (ok, maybe a week!) I was very lucky to have my mom stay with me for a few weeks and then my sister for some time after that. They were able to make sure the dog got walked and fed and that there was food in the house. They reminded me about apointments and helped me through crazy diaper changing moments.

Once they left I was alone and stunned. I remember talking to my grandmother and venting about the troubles of being a new mother. She pointed out to me that leaving a load of laundry unfolded or dishes in the sink were no big deal. (She has six kids so she knows what she is doing in the mother department!) She told me what really mattered was that my son was healthy and happy, that I was healthy and happy and that I should just order some take out and get sleep.

So, with that advice I did.  And I still follow that advice today. I will never be the perfect housekeeper. Maybe one day when I'm an empty nester I'll enjoy sweeping the floors and baking again, and my laundry will be ironed and folded. Until then, I have sticky floors, clothes piled in my room, a dog that needs a bath.

 But what else do I have? I have some awesome memories with my little man.  I still take naps with him and choose to curl up reading books on rainy days instead of cleaning. I might delay a project or two so I can get to the school party and cheer him on at little league.  No, I don't cook very often and yes we know all of the best kids' meals in town, we maintain our date night and our one on one time is our special time.

So cheers to sticky floors, unfolded laundry and dishes in the sink! I love my Grandmom for her advice and think of her when I see laundry on my dining room table.